.

 

I hate being pitied, I hate it a lot. I hate being seen as vulnerable or weak. I get angry if someone feels sorry for me. I feel like they're assuming I'm helpless and look down on me or something. On the other hand, I do want to be acknowledged for being ~strong~ for what I ~have gone through~, largely because it's easier to cope with pain when I feel like something can be gained from it, so I guess it makes sense. Being pitied is just like they are saying, "yep, you're right, sucks to be you, nothin' to do about it though".... and then I feel more alone and worthless. So if seeming/being strong is what I want, of course I'm upset if people interpret me as being weak instead.

So yes, this, 100%.

 

I don't like to be pitied in general, however there is one particular person that I have truly desired pity from and received: my mother. Maybe that sounds messed up. Actually, I desire pity from her, but then hate it when she does end up giving it to me. It isn't what I wanted at all but I am unable to tell what it is that I DO want from her.

 

I totally relate to that. I have a complex about being seeing as incompetent. I think it's because I feel that I'm secretly incompetent and that I don't want anyone to see through my facade and expose me. In the past, I've fantasized about opening up to people and having them feel bad that I got the short end of the stick and revering me for my strength. I think that fantasy is about relieving myself from the fear that I'm weak and placing the blame on circumstances outside of my control. But yeah, I would never ever want anybody to look at me and think, "Oh that poor girl, there's no hope for her..."

 

I have a complex about being seeing as incompetent. I think it's because I feel that I'm secretly incompetent and that I don't want anyone to see through my facade and expose me.

Man, I really relate to that. The MBTI description of inferior Te (which would apply to INFPs) talks about manifestations of this as being about incompetence. They fear their own incompetence as well as project themselves critically upon others (noticing others' mistakes, etc.). The book, Was That Really Me? by Naomi Quenk, describes this as follows:
"When this projection of their sense of incompetence fails to take care of whatever has triggered it, the negative energy of the inferior function takes the form of critical self-judgement. Introverted Feeling types become focused on their own incompetence, extending it both backward and forward in time and including the world at large in their conclusion. In the words of one INFP: 'I become overwhelmed by an awareness that I am totally incompetent at everything I do, that I always have been and always will be--and that the whole world knows it! The truth of this is beyond doubt. I am mortified at not recognizing this before, and of compounding the offense by acting as if I were competent. I am unable to verbalize my despair to others for fear I will make a fool of myself by acknowledging my former ignorance of my true lack of ability. I view my advanced degrees and other achievements as the result of people feeling sorry for me--I was too emotionally fragile to be told the truth.'"
I really related to this!! I wonder if the quote was taken from a 4, heh.

In the past, I've fantasized about opening up to people and having them feel bad that I got the short end of the stick and revering me for my strength. I think that fantasy is about relieving myself from the fear that I'm weak and placing the blame on circumstances outside of my control.

I DO JUST THIS. The funny thing is that even when I DO open up to people, and even when they genuinely do believe my struggles (and revere me for my strength), in the end I almost feel worse. And I think the reason for this is because part of me IS trying to blame my problems on circumstances outside of my control, so in effect it turns to be more of a pity-party, and when they believe my suffering and revere me for my strength, the problem doesn't actually go away at all. I realized I wanted false attention for a problem I wish was not mine, for a burden I wish I didn't have to carry and deal with. Ultimately, I have to come to terms with myself!!! (I might not have described that clearly.)