And additionally after a bit of soul searching I wanna re-answer a questionnaire I'd answered previously for another site. And I'm curious what you guys think (looking for Enneagram most of all, but Jung as well).
1. What are 5 key qualities about you, and what is each of their direct opposites?
1) Angsty =/= Chipper
2) Witty =/= Dull
3) Friendly =/= Montgomery Burns
4) Smart =/= Retarded
5) Helpful =/= Unhelpful
2. Now explain why each of the opposites COULD be you and why it might be GOOD to be that opposite characteristic. Own them even if they are negative traits.
1) I have a pretty sad and depressive personality, but I frequently tend to outwardly bury my inner turmoil under a cheerful or emotionless outer facade, or else attempt to outright numb it through maintaining a positive outlook -- I have a tough time maintaining that though, and I often don't really want to. Sometimes I just want to pull into myself and wallow in my own misery. It should be rather obvious why being happy can be better than being sad (even if I like my sadness)...
2) I have trouble coming up with clever things to say around crowds that I intuit won't be receptive to my kind of humor (which is frankly a bit pedantic and weird -- best fit for intelligent audiences). Being dull avoids offending disrespecting or offending someone.
3) I'm very friendly in casual settings, but I can be a mean, bullheaded prick if a berserk button of mine is pushed, which is normally what happened if I engage in a debate -- I tend to debate not for the fun of it so much as to correct some stupid statement that itches at me -- and I tend to grow steadily more angry, especially if my opponent is being retarded. I'm also rather shy about approaching new people. Being unfriendly could be a good thing because it doesn't allow people to take advantage of you.
4) I'm very mentally quick and have a high capacity for innovation and for understanding concepts, but I have a somewhat limited capacity for critical, analytical thinking -- I largely need to bounce my logical frameworks and ideas with someone else, because I can't properly troubleshoot and refine them myself. Being dumb would perhaps make it easier to fit in? given that most people are dumb and all...
5) I might become unhelpful if I'm tired or cranky. Again, it avoids being taken advantage of.
3. What would you say to a 5-year-old child if he or she asked you what the purpose of life is?
There fucking is none. Make one for yourself though, because otherwise life isn't really worth living.
4. What type of advice would you give that same child on how to survive in this world?
Learn how to influence your fellow man, it'll get you far. Actually be responsible to yourself, and do what you need to do to secure your survival and your future -- I've learned that the hard way. Cutting corners is fine, but only if you've made absolutely sure you can't get caught, or have planned for that eventuality.
5. If you were told you only had one year to live from today, and it was 100% guaranteed that you would die exactly 1 year from now, what would you do in that year?
Get a laptop (I cannot live without internet) and as much money as I could beg, borrow or steal, and walk the Earth. Try to see as much of the world as I can.
My last day on Earth, I would steak a tank, an RPG and loads of ammo, and I would cause mayhem and chaos on a major city. That, or try to steal a fighter jet and get in a dogfight.
6. Why aren't you doing this now?
Laziness mainly, but also in my current financial state I'd have to do illegal stuff to fulfill that -- and as my days are not numbered I would like to avoid being buttraped in prison.
7. What do you really want in your truest self?
Took quite a bit of soul-searching to find the real answer to that one, but what I really want is to like myself. To find an image that I think is cool, and become it.
8. What have you substituted/settled for compared to what you really want?
Nothing. I’ve dedicated my life to searching for my ideal self, which is why I couldn’t answer this properly before – each image I’ve self-constructed included an answer to this question.
9. What are your defense mechanisms?
Introjection and narcotization.
10. What are some good habits that are needed for living a healthy adult life?
I'm not sure I much care for such quaint and overrated notions as "healthy" or "adult," but I suppose diet and exercise, intellectual stimulation and in general doing stuff you enjoy doing.
11. What are you like in relaxed and non-threatening situations?
Jokey, light-hearted and kind, but nowhere near as spontaneous as I outwardly seem. I enjoy being the center of attention, and thus I tend to deliberately make myself appear clownish and random. I actually plan and strategize ahead conversations and debates.
12. What does your heart feel like it needs and wants?
To find what it actually needs and wants.
13. What condition is your heart in right now?
14. What does your head say it needs and wants?
Information, and finding somebody to regurgitate the ideas roaming around it on.
15. What condition is your mind in right now?
16. What does your body say it needs and wants?
Right now, noms. Long term, far more energy than I have.
17. What is the condition of your body right now?
Hungry and tired.
18. Which do you trust the most in making an important decision between your head, body, and heart? Why?
Head. In practice I'm very capricious and indulgent (somewhat despite myself) though, so my body often ends up having the last say.
19. Which do you trust the least in making an important decision between your head, body, and heart? Why?
Body. It leads me astray way too often (though only when I have to actually do something productive -- I'm able to control myself when I'm doing something I'm actually engaged in).
20. What is your predominant fault?
21. Think of a time when you felt at ease and connected to yourself and others. What did you think about yourself, others, and the entire world during this time?
I felt confident, like I could set goals and actually achieve them. I felt happy.
22. Think of a time when you felt anxious and disconnected from yourself and others. What did you think about yourself, others, and the entire world during this time?
It's hard to think of one response in such a situation. Either broken, sad and anguished, or paranoid and looking every which way. Sometimes just pissed off at the world.
23. What is an addiction or urge that seems to drive you as almost as if you’re not in control? Almost like an alien force that drives or pushes you down.
Doing nothing. I need a brutal mental effort to shake off my permanent lethargy make myself actually do what I need to do, and often I fail at that. I have to battle my emotions, which want me to curl up in a corner and cry, and my senses, which are telling me I'm too tired to do anything productive.
24. What things do you feel you cannot do because they might jeopardize your survival?
I have no clue, as at this juncture I don't even have a clear definition of in what terms I even care about "survival" -- I feel dejected enough that I could die tomorrow or be out on the street and not really care.
25. What do you need in your life to face your fears?
Support from friends, possibly the absolute necessity to face them (by external circumstances).