My sister doesn't think I'm INFJ (based on profiles though). Thinks I'm SJ/NT type.

My sister doesn't think I'm INFJ (based on profiles though). Thinks I'm SJ/NT type.

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This is a discussion on My sister doesn't think I'm INFJ (based on profiles though). Thinks I'm SJ/NT type. within the What's my personality type? forums, part of the Personality Cafe category; My younger sister sees me as having an SJ temperament, I've realized (NT she'd see as secondary). I asked her ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    My sister doesn't think I'm INFJ (based on profiles though). Thinks I'm SJ/NT type.

    My younger sister sees me as having an SJ temperament, I've realized (NT she'd see as secondary). I asked her if she thinks I'm more thinking or feeling, and she thinks that I'm T with her and balanced with everyone else, but very cool in times of serious crisis. At the same time she would (at least initially) pick Fe to be my weakest function, probably because I'm often rude to her. She's also obviously biased, though she's not trying to distort reality to fit her bias because what she's saying is her truth. She sees my nice moments and agreeable persona outside of the house (me, her, mom) as being the exception to the rule (because I'm comfortable at home and she knows I'm shy), while I saw my behavior towards my sister as the exception...because she's one person. So it's become a, which-reality-is-the-true-one sort of situation. I'm having trouble deciding whether I should give her perspective more weight. I know she sees me as this cold, irritable, dismissive, infuriating, nitpicking, nagging, criticizing, ragemonster, obsessed-with-detail, angry boss why-didn't-you-do-this-like-I-told-you, trolling mooch type, and I am fully comfortable with her, but she's my younger sister (just by 2 years) and it's always different with family. Then again, she's the only peer I have who's good opinion I've never been concerned about (at the same time this isn't an affectionate relationship). We have fun together and our relationship is sort of 'banter or bicker' and that's about it (the line is so very thin xD).

    The only type-profiles she could agree with were those who used introverted thinking in some way. She sees me as being task oriented and disregarding feelings when working, orderly, pissy when the rules are broken or when things are not to my expectations, and being delegating, duty bound, and in a 'crisis', very cool and facts-oriented while in contrast she will be emotionally wrecked.

    She doesn't see me as the voluntarily helpful type, but really that's just with her. I've realized that with other people I'll go out of my way, especially if they do seem grateful for it. It doesn't usually gratify my ego, it just kind of reassures me of their motives and builds trust. If that person is working also, then I know I'm not being taken advantage of and that they really do need some assistance, and then I sort of see it as, it's necessary for them, someone has to help them, I'm the only person available so I'll do it. Who else are they going to ask, I'm not doing anything anyway, it should be me, they need my help. But if I don't see it as necessary, and that person seems to be being lazy or somehow irrational or unwilling to understand, I lose my patience much more quickly and I don't want to help anymore. If the person just seems discouraged, and I understand why, I try to forcibly encourage them, but I don't think I'm good at it (and sometimes I get frustrated if the feeling lasts too long). Also, you need patience to help my sister, and when I had to help her we'd end up needing a mediator. I felt like she was being manipulative and purposely clueless and she felt like I was irritable and impatient (honestly I still think she just wanted me to gratify her ego in some way, and that just pissed me off. She should be grateful I'm even helping, I'm not going to lower my pride and beg her to let me help her do her homework, that doesn't even make sense. /endlessgrumbling).

    I know all of this is relying more on profiles instead of cognitive functions, but it's hard to ask her whether she thinks 'this' is how I think. I'd like some outside confirmation from a person who would know, but this is too complicated and it's probably impossible. But anyway because of all this, my sister sees me as an ISTJ/INTP so really the only thing she'd incidentally be consistent with is weak F and Si/Ne. (she'd probably be okay with ESTJ/ENTP too then except for the whole being introverted issue).

    She just remembered something and came back to tell me (besides that she googled jim carey with long hair for no reason and found out he's doing a new magician movie with steve carell -__-) that what annoys her is that I tell her to do something and I don't move until I see her start, and then I check 5 seconds later just to make sure she really is doing it. And sometimes the argument is "do it" "I will" "why aren't you doing it" "i will" "no do it now! why are you waiting?!" "I'M DOING SOMETHING" "what're you doing?! you're just [something I don't think is important]!!!" "AGKSGKSG" - basically I become an impatient angry mom. I think it tells more of her forgetfulness though, that I know she won't start unless she does it then. I KNOW HER. THEN SHE MIGHT TELL ME I SHOULD'VE REMINDED HER OR JUST GET ANGRY BECAUSE I'M ANGRY THAT SHE NEVER STARTED IT AND BE LIKE 'WHATS THE BIG DEAL' ITS A BIG DEAL OKAY I HAD EXPECTATIONS DAMMIT. I HAD PLANS. I NEEDED TO DO THESE THINGS. YOU DIDN'T FULFILL YOUR PART. RAAAAAAGH SHE DOES THE SAME okay I am going to stop now.



  2. #2
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I think what I'm asking is, whether I should see my younger sister as a reliable source, since she sees a different side of me. And whether that side is more in line with what my personality really is, since I am more comfortable with her than I'd typically be with others, but at the same time not affectionate/as friendly as I'd be with friends who would have a better opinion of me. Since I came to the conclusion that I was an INFJ with the help of others using cognitive functions (I am definitely Ti somewhere) but she sees me in terms of profiles so far more of a ISTJ or INTP mainly because I'm more impatient and bossy with her in terms of the task and disregard whatever feelings she has that I don't think are relevant to the situation...hm sounds kind of bad. but it's true, partly because I feel like I know what she's going to say and I feel like it's not going to be important and it's a waste of time.
    Reicheru thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Assuming @LeaT's theory on writing styles is correct, and the two options really are ISTJ and INTP, I'm going to go with INTP.
    Emerson and chessio thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Sollertis View Post
    Assuming @LeaT's theory on writing styles is correct, and the two options really are ISTJ and INTP, I'm going to go with INTP.
    I agree INTP.
    chessio thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by chessio View Post
    ...cold, irritable, dismissive, infuriating, nitpicking, nagging, criticizing, ragemonster, obsessed-with-detail, angry boss why-didn't-you-do-this-like-I-told-you, trolling mooch type...
    as if those are exclusively SJ / NT traits...

    May be unaware (and sometimes uncaring) of how they come across to others
    May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it
    May apply their judgment more often towards others, rather than towards themselves
    With their ability to see an issue from many sides, they may always find others at fault for any problems in their lives
    May have unrealistic and/or unreasonable expectations of others
    May be intolerant of weaknesses in others
    May believe that they're always right
    May be obsessive and passionate about details that may be unimportant to the big picture
    May be cuttingly derisive and sarcastic towards others
    May have an intense and quick temper
    May be tense, wound up, have high blood pressure and find it difficult to relax
    May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people
    May be wishy-washy and unsure how to act in situations that require quick decision making
    May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others
    May see so many tangents everywhere that they can't stay focused on the bottom line or the big picture
    source: INFJ Personal Growth

    we are all prone to weakness.

    "she thinks that I'm T with her and balanced with everyone else" - she may well percieve less cuddly wuddly feely Fe probably because "this isn't an affectionate relationship" and as siblings, you bicker often.

    try and factor in on as many viewpoints as you can whilst taking it all in context, too. your sister may be reliable in her opinion of you as her sister but that's it. she does not hold a global viewpoint.

    there have been any number of times on this forum that i've seen people labelling parents as SJs for no reason other than they're their parents and act as parents do.

    Louis CK had a joke wherein a lion and a giraffe are discussing what man looks like. the lion says he always looks frightened & is screaming, but the giraffe doesn't think so.

    “You see, the lion just thinks that people look like that. The lion doesn’t get that he makes a person look like that.” —Louie C.K.

    i'm just saying, take it all with a pinch of salt & look at the source. get the opinions of multiple sources if you can. worked for me!
    Azelll, petitpèlerin, Entropic and 2 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by Reicheru View Post
    as if those are exclusively SJ / NT traits...


    source: INFJ Personal Growth

    we are all prone to weakness.

    "she thinks that I'm T with her and balanced with everyone else" - she may well percieve less cuddly wuddly feely Fe probably because "this isn't an affectionate relationship" and as siblings, you bicker often.

    try and factor in on as many viewpoints as you can whilst taking it all in context, too. your sister may be reliable in her opinion of you as her sister but that's it. she does not hold a global viewpoint.

    there have been any number of times on this forum that i've seen people labelling parents as SJs for no reason other than they're their parents and act as parents do.

    Louis CK had a joke wherein a lion and a giraffe are discussing what man looks like. the lion says he always looks frightened & is screaming, but the giraffe doesn't think so.

    “You see, the lion just thinks that people look like that. The lion doesn’t get that he makes a person look like that.” —Louie C.K.

    i'm just saying, take it all with a pinch of salt & look at the source. get the opinions of multiple sources if you can. worked for me!

    I'll have to agree with this.


    OP, I love being as thorough as possible, so I stalked your wall/about me/other threads/other posts. I hope that doesn't creep you out too much.
    I'll have to go with INFJ, but your sister has a different perception towards you. And she may even have a bias in favour of/against some types, I suspect.
    So that is something to take into consideration.
    Reicheru and chessio thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTP - The Thinkers

    @Navi She doesn't know much or care much for MBTI to be honest, but when I phrased it in a way she could understand she was biased about the types in terms of...myself. Er, well she does tend to emphasize the negative in other people she's familiar with (I only made her look at the flaws because I knew she'd be able to decide easier, esp with me -_-), but I'm not sure if she's biased against certain types exactly....her bias is in terms of how it makes her feel personally. She judges based on how it would relate to her own emotion and self. Actually I just realized she's very definitely Fi > Te. I just explained it to her and she agrees with it. Also thanks, hahaha no problem with the stalking/being thorough, that's what it's there for hehe, actually appreciate it. xD
    @Reicheru Ooooh you're brilliant, she'll agree with all of those. You're right, and if I had seen that it would've made this all easier, it's spot on and she would be rolling on the floor in ecstasy just yelling "THAT'S EXACTLY YOU YOU'RE EVILLL" Actually I've read it before, I wish I'd remembered it.

    "there have been any number of times on this forum that i've seen people labelling parents as SJs for no reason other than they're their parents and act as parents do."

    Yes, that's why I've been wary of typing my parents (and even my sister sometimes), they're supposed to be loving and sort of more emotional when it comes to you, and I don't want to label my mom as an INFP because she might easily be a dominant Ti type who more systematically/calculatingly speaks gently as a sensitive mother (and furthermore speaks vaguely because english isn't her first language - she can be surprisingly far-seeing in even her seemingly inconsequential actions so I'm very wary in typing her either F/T but she does make value decisions more and think in those terms so), or my dad an ESFJ because he's loud, orderly, impatient, and stressed all the time when it might be a result of his work and military history (but he speaks in terms of value a lot too but it's always in terms of what he's entitled to and has snap reactions and overanalyzes little things that he feels is a slight somehow). We only really see one side of them. Also the lion/giraffe joke was hilarious hahaha, that guy has a surprising sort of wisdom (especially lately).

    @Sollertis / @Emerson I suppose it's the Ti/Fe then? If those weren't the only options I'm guessing you'd go with INFJ? I'd been told that I was to decide between INFJ or INTP before by another INTP.

    edit: also @Sollertis thanks for directing me to that post, it was really interesting!
    Reicheru thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INTJ - The Scientists

    The way you use Te is so weird...

    If that person is working also, then I know I'm not being taken advantage of and that they really do need some assistance, and then I sort of see it as, it's necessary for them, someone has to help them, I'm the only person available so I'll do it
    Strikes me as particularly inferior Fe-esque. You weight your decisions not based on good or bad or right or wrong, but effective or ineffective, correct or incorrect. I have a hard time seeing how Fe auxiliary people would not be inclined to help others or make them feel comfortable even if they are enneagram 5. It's like you feel forced to because no one else is around. That doesn't strike me as auxiliary use of Fe, anyway.

    But if I don't see it as necessary, and that person seems to be being lazy or somehow irrational or unwilling to understand, I lose my patience much more quickly and I don't want to help anymore. I
    This mostly supports my statement above. You seem to analyze things based on a cost-gain benefit logic.

    I wouldn't rule out ENTP here though. You have a lot of Ne and it would make sense that you could mistype yourself as INFJ (N dominant).

    Actually, I think I wouldn't rule out INFP or ENFP for you either. Yes, that makes a little more sense with that weird Te use you got going there. Never seen anyone making text smaller like you do to highlight "side-tracking thoughts".
    Herp, Emerson, petitpèlerin and 1 others thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by LeaT View Post
    The way you use Te is so weird...

    Strikes me as particularly inferior Fe-esque. You weight your decisions not based on good or bad or right or wrong, but effective or ineffective, correct or incorrect. I have a hard time seeing how Fe auxiliary people would not be inclined to help others or make them feel comfortable even if they are enneagram 5. It's like you feel forced to because no one else is around. That doesn't strike me as auxiliary use of Fe, anyway.

    This mostly supports my statement above. You seem to analyze things based on a cost-gain benefit logic.

    I wouldn't rule out ENTP here though. You have a lot of Ne and it would make sense that you could mistype yourself as INFJ (N dominant).

    Actually, I think I wouldn't rule out INFP or ENFP for you either. Yes, that makes a little more sense with that weird Te use you got going there. Never seen anyone making text smaller like you do to highlight "side-tracking thoughts".
    I have a lot of Ne? How did you get that? I think I might not have a good understanding of Ne, so I can never see it. I've been relying on "Ne says Barack Obama will likely be president because of this spiderweb of events and perceptions" and "Ni says animus, recycled animosity/energy, space dust, nebulas, vague insight." I've got a better understanding of Ni, but for Ne that's the only line I got. Ne = Barack Obama OTL. Also I'm easily distracted and go off tangents a lot so this shrinking text thing has been very useful for me. It might look ugly but it feels less cluttered to me xD; (Also, HAH!) It helps me when I'm going back to edit out all the irrelevant crap I somehow end up mentioning.

    For helping people....it's kind of complicated. It's all specific. Sometimes I get irritated at helping people and sometimes I force it on people and sometimes my guilt/sense of duty or responsibility forces me into doing it. It depends on whether it's emotional, educational, practical, on their attitude and whether "it's" working. But the way you described how I make decisions surprised me, just how apt the description was. I have approached random distressed people and done something erratic just to distract them from their emotions, like spontaneously offering them food or suddenly asking if they were okay, I've probably told a dumb knock-knock joke to a crying or panicked person before I wouldn't doubt it, often times weird expressions of generic things I know are supposed to make people feel better. I need help.

    I'm surprised you said I use Te though. I've been suspecting I learned how to use Ti's method of breaking down information to analyze it at school, and it took me a while to learn it, but I ended up accepting it regardless. Why do you say Te exactly?

  10. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    My bet is on INTP.
    I see a lot of Ti/Ne, mixed with some Si.


 
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