My type and romance/relationships.

So I took the MBTI test about two weeks ago and it came up with INFJ. After reading the description, it appeared to fit me pretty well. I decided to read up some forums about other people's experiences with being an INFJ (both out of curiosity and to seek confirmation) and that is how I stumbled upon this site. After reading through one of those "You know you are an INFJ when..." threads, I began to grow skeptical due to a few points that people posted that I did not directly relate to. I then decided to look into the other types and find more confirmation or contradicting points. After not finding the answer I was looking for, I then decided to look into the cognitive functions after discovering about them. There more I seek clarity though, the more confused I feel. I can relate to quite a few of the types/opposing cognitive functions. One thing I do know is that I am an Ixxx. Maybe the following example will shed some light; it is a loop of sorts.



(It helps to know that I am using an online dating site)
- "I want to add something to my profile to show my soft, caring side."
- "No, don't. You have been taught that opening up is meant for the latter stages of a relationship."
- "But I want them to know that I am a loyal and warm hearted person. That I am different from those jerks."
- "But do you want to risk scaring them away?"
- "No. You are right. They don't care anyways. All that matters is the first message and pictures."

Here is another example. This one is for real life situations, not online dating:
- "That girl is really pretty."
- "You should talk to her. Confidence is the way to a girl's heart."
- "But what if she thinks that I am being creepy? Or that I am just like every other guy hitting on her?"
- "Why would you say that?"
- "Because they will think that I am just after the end goal of getting in their pants, which isn't true."
- "Then go talk to her!"
- "No."

For that example, it would probably help to know that I have used very passive-aggressive tactics before in a feeble attempt to gain their attraction. For the longest time, I thought that being nice and showing my deep inner nature was the way to a girl's heart. One time many years ago, I left a note on a girl's doorstep with some flowers. It was basically a love note. That was probably the creepiest thing I have ever done and it haunts me to this day. I fear that my past mistakes have severely affected they way I approach women, so I am now withdrawn from doing things that can potentially scare them away. I know though that being assertive is the way to go; I just can't do it because of that engrained fear. Lately though, the fear is slowing becoming less being creepy and more not knowing what the hell to say and coming off as awkward. Either way, I lack the self confidence.

In relationships, I often feel that I am not adequate. I constantly feel like that I could be doing better and that a failing relationship is my fault. I always put my best foot forward and do things that I feel will progress the relationship. Early on, when texting, I reread texts over and over again to make sure that it cannot be interpreted in any way other than the way I intended. I often use emoticons to reinforce my point, even though I think that they are stupid. I also tend to get disappointed if their texts don't show the same enthusiasm that mine usually show. Also, if she is consistent with her timing between texts, and all of the sudden takes longer than normal, I freak out and assume that I have done something wrong. However, a small part of me finds comfort in the possibility that they probably just put their phone down for awhile. If this happens repeatedly, I will feel that they have lost interest and I can easily shut them out...unless I REALLY like them. I have a very tough time letting go in that case. This was more-so the case before I started online dating. I could go on and on with this but I don't want to turn this into a ranting session.

Anyways, what do you guys think? Do those thought loops or insecurities shed any light as to which type I may be?

IxFJ, only because I honestly don't know if that's Si I see, or Fi. It really seems a lot like Si, since you're pulling out older experiences and basing many of your future success on those - what I do know about Si in me is that I look back at the past, realize all of my mistakes, and feel guilty for a long time. However, I can't say that it's your dominant if you're just depressed. If it WAS your dominant, I would say ISFJ - if not, maybe INFP, since they use Si as a tertiary. Of course, this is under the more rigid MBTI system. You should take a Jungian functions test and get a better look at what functions you're using the most. Right now, though, I see what seems to be a lot of self-depreciating Si (be it dominant or tertiary; I know plenty of ISFJs that are just as self-depreciating as you seem to be).

I bet you'd have plenty of success if you played off whatever auxiliary function you have, as long as you downplay your past faults and move on. With Fe (in an ISFJ), you could focus more on the feelings of others as Fe-users seem to do quite often; of course, I think Fe also tends to mean being more expressive, so if you're kind and gentle, it will show more naturally. With Ne (in an INFP), you could ease into relationships with some optimism and ideas more easily; I have no problem creating relationships with Ne, but I also don't use Fi - if you want it to work with Fi-dominant, it seems like it would be better to just connect with someone that shares your internal values. Just act natural, do your own thing (play off of Ne if you've got it), and don't let the past haunt you. You could take opportunities to work with the person you want to connect to, then see if they share your values.

Fi is more intrinsically focused on a strong, internal value system dominated by emotion. Fi-dominants can be no less unstable than Ti-dominants, so no, your personality is not intrinsically unstable in the least. If you're Si-Fe instead, then success may rely on looking at your successes in the past, using that as encouragement, then start using the Fe around your new friend(s).

tl;dr - I think you're an IxFJ or possibly an ISTJ (though I somewhat doubt the latter, I admit).