If I were an INFJ 4w3 sx/so, could that make me seem extroverted?

If I were an INFJ 4w3 sx/so, could that make me seem extroverted?

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  • 2 Post By Nobleheart
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This is a discussion on If I were an INFJ 4w3 sx/so, could that make me seem extroverted? within the What's my Enneagram type? forums, part of the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum category; If I were an INFJ 4w3 sx/so, could that make me seem extroverted enough to be mistaken for an ENFJ? ...

  1. #1

    If I were an INFJ 4w3 sx/so, could that make me seem extroverted?

    If I were an INFJ 4w3 sx/so, could that make me seem extroverted enough to be mistaken for an ENFJ?

    I've always been very borderline on the Introvert/Extrovert axis, but the people who know me (and this system) seem to agree that I'm an INFJ rather than an ENFJ. My Ni seems to be dominant over my Fe, and my Ti over my Se... even though they are close and might switch from time to time to adapt to situations as per Beebe's theories on type.

    I'm starting to consider that I might be a 4w3 sx/so, and in one of those Ni moments, it hit me that this could explain all of the variables that have been making my Ti refuse to settle on one answer, despite my Ni demanding it should.

    Also, if I were a 4w3 sx/so, could that explain why I have so many things in common with 1 and 2, also seeming 8-like when I'm stressed (or perhaps a combination of 3's assertion and 1's moral resignation when pushed too far)?

    I do a lot of 2ish things, but I don't seem to have a lot of the expectations that 2s have for what they have done. I would prefer that my kindness is appreciated, but I do it to make myself happy and because I believe it's how things should be, and how people should treat one another. I don't feel like people owe me anything other than a lack of backstabbing me after I've shown them kindness, but that seems to be more tied to my romanticism, which feels that people should not repay kindness with evil. Other than that, I don't feel anyone owes me anything other than being nice to me, even if it's polite indifference.

    I also have a strong drive of idealism and even a healthy dose of the neat freakness of a 1, but I don't seem to get angry with myself like a 1. I get mad at obstacles (be they people, situations, or objects), especially when they are obstacles to my idealism. I had been assuming that idealism was a 1 thing, but I'm seeing how it's very much a 4 thing too, as these ideals are tied to my romanticism, and the real problem for me is when my sense of romanticism is attacked, even though I call it my idealism. If I were a 1, I'd be more angry at myself for not meeting my own standards, and honestly I only do that when I fail my own romanticism, and my romanticism has often (almost consistently) come before my ideals in the course of my life - in those rare instances when they are not one and the same.

    I push myself like a 3 at times, but I realized that I don't compete with others so much as I compete with myself. I want to achieve what others have achieved if it impresses me and seems like something I could or should do, but I switch to focusing on beating my own records once I start something. This makes me think it's a 3 wing and not an actual type 3, especially since I don't care if I'm wrong like a 5 wing (since 4 goes either 3 or 5). If I am wrong, I'll just correct it. No big deal. I don't quite have that need to succeed that 3s seem to wake up in the morning with. I only manifest it once I've invested my ideals into something, and even then it's not on par with the 3s I know. Success for me has to be part of the romantic ideal or it's pointless, and that romantic ideal includes comfort and harmony (one of the reasons I considered 9, but I approach a lack of harmony head on rather than attempt to avoid it, and don't have the other 9isms.)

    I'm starting to see how I confused 8-isms with how I get when I am at my emotional limit, which is pushy and demanding and rooted in my romanticism having been attacked, damaged, or even shattered. I lose the point to trying to live up to my ideals and stop filtering myself, which does sort of cause that 1-like loop where I am upset with myself, but once I realize it I generally just accept it as motivation to live up to my ideals (and not act like that) in the future. However, even in that unhealthy state, I'm seeing that I'm more like a 1 than an 8. For example, one of our friends did something really shitty to someone else, and that person wanted to settle the score by fighting over it. Even though this guy was a close friend and the other person was a stranger, this seemed like it needed to be done, because it was the 'right' thing to do (according to my personal code). However, another friend who is an 8 defended our mutual friend without question saying "I don't care what he did, he's one of mine, and if you swing at him you're dealing with me too" and was willing to fight over it even though our mutual friend was clearly 'wrong'. Me and my 8 friend got into a rather intense showdown over this, which was only negated by the stranger backing down and removing the situation... at which point the 8 seemed to respect me more for not backing down (I was still offended at his lack of idealism).

    The fact that I can quickly admit it when I realize I am wrong also implies I'm not an 8 or a 5, or even a 5 wing. I'll argue with anyone when I think I am right, but it's because I'm tied to my sense of how things should be, not 'being correct' for the sake of it. There is a big difference between morally right and logically correct in my book. Sometimes these conditions overlap, but not always. I'm happy to be logically incorrect in order to be morally right.

    Lastly, I really hope this is not the case. Most of the descriptions of 4s make me want to puke... which implies that I am one.
    Unicorntopia and Chameleon Soul thanked this post.

  2. #2

    Lastly, I really hope this is not the case. Most of the descriptions of 4s make me want to puke... which implies that I am one.
    Hehe Yes 4s can be/seem extraverted, I believe it's quite common with 4s to weigh on that I/E line. Have you considered SP4? They are called "dauntless" (8ish)

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by Nobleheart View Post
    Lastly, I really hope this is not the case. Most of the descriptions of 4s make me want to puke... which implies that I am one.
    I'm considering 4w3, and belive me, I'm feeling the same thing. lol.

    I don't think I can help much with this, but I do comiserate. Hopfully that at least makes you feel a bit better about it.

    I'm going back basics, and just looking at the core flaws and motivations myself.

    What would you say are your greatest personal flaws, or aspects of you that you struggle with, even if you keep them in check most of the time?

    This might be more helpful than looking at all the potentual representations or outwards expressions of type. I also feel I can realte to lots of different strenghts, but my flaws I feel are maybe more concreate. I mean we all try to be good at or skilled at many different things to get on in life, but the aspects we fear most in ourselves and struggle with we arn't trying to expand upon, away from out core nature or skill set. The ideas is to limit your flaws, which I think can make them more defined.

    Then what are the key things you want the most out of life? Not an easy question to awnser, as I always come back to happyness, but what things, broadly speaking, make you happy? Beyond love and such. In an ideal world what would you have in order for your world to be ideal, what would be most important to you?

    Respect? Power? Acceptance? Knowlage? Entertainment? and the other motivators of the different types.

    Acceptance would be Ennagram four, to be accepted for who they truely are by both others and themselves. Fours feel they are not often accepted and fear being seen as lesser or flawed, they are trying to embrace their true self and chastise themselves for being lesser in their own eyes at times. Three would be respect/admiration, as they fear being seen a losers. It's about how you want to view yourself as well as how others view you, not just the outward apearence. You want to be free of what ever you are conserned of in yourself, or at least an inner voice which expesses concern for that at times.

    I am hoping this will at least limit things for me and be a more objective process.


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