There's a lot of words below so I'll keep it short.
It would be nice if anyone could attempt typing/trityping me.
If more information/elaboration is required, I could do that too.
I mean I sort of know what I might be already, but I'd rather not cloud your judgment.
Thanks in advance!
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
I exist for the sake of existing. Of course I can't just drop dead now and leave everyone else hanging. I'm the only child so I have to look after my parents and all. Also I'm asian, if that makes the sentence before have any more sense. I don't know, right now nothing much drives me. I just want to live contently with my close friends and family.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
Nothing much honestly. I've never had anything I wanted to do, everyone just told me to be happy and I grew up thinking her it doesn't matter as long as I'm happy. Well happy is difficult, so I can totally settle for content. O course being happy all the time is kind of not that great either. I just want to write out the stories I have in my head. It's a selfish reason; so that my and my other selves will be remembered. They've got intricate intertwining backstories, it won't be a horrible book I swear. If it is then well, you don't have to buy it anyway. I guess the other thing is to find a soulmate of sorts, but I'm not exactly attractive nor do I understand how relationships like that even work, some of those around me is just breaking up and getting together all the time. The rest at least have someone they like. Meh.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
Unprepared. I absolutely detest it when others want me to give a presentation when I've not prepared properly beforehand. In fact I hate talking about things that I don't know inside out. I hate being held accountable for things that I said when I'm not sure. Also kind of socially awkward so I tend to just stick to my own friends because it's awkward with other people since I don't know how they behave. I wouldn't want to be over domineering. There was a point when I was that close to being a bully to one of my close friends, I guess I couldn't help it since she was a pullover. Eventually I realized and it doesn't happen anymore. As for values. Well I detest betrayal. It's just a bad scar from long ago with my ex friend. The event was extremely unpleasant and dragged out and she was just a horrible horrible backstabber. Can't believe how I ignored all her flaws just because I pitied her when I first met her. Urgh.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
People talking behind my back; judging me. I never had so much anxiety and paranoia until that crap friend. She kind of just killed my visualization of human kind altogether. Although let me clarify that I will /not/ give her full credit for the change. It was everything else in my life snowballed together and she just tipped it, that's all. Also someone else like me. There's this junior that has my first and surname, only our chinese names differ. And somehow she gets her email as the standard first/sur@gmail while I am somehow stuck with the second choice chinese.sur@gmail which sucks because all my important emails get sent to her and I miss out so much on all the deadlines and opportunities. But she's nothing like me apart form that so I'm not that angry. Would totally kill anyone who looked and acted the way I did though. It's difficult enough being the eldest, useless female, grandchild. Stupid traditional grandparents gosh. Stupid youngest male grandchild too. I guess my sixteen years of existence isn't that meaningful to my father's side at all. My mum's side isn't like that though, thank goodness.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
That I can be depended on, probably. That I can do things and that I'm not useless. Also that I am me myself and I and no one else can be like me. For closer friends, it would mean a lot of they knew that they could depend on me. I see myself as a huge mess of a human that has not grown much at all for the past few years academically and all. The only thing I can say that I've done is that I know myself better now. But that's a huge lie since I obviously don't, otherwise I wouldn't be here asking for help.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I'd like to be useful maybe. I'd like to do things that I can do and do them well and do them better than other people that are grouped with me. I'd like to be appreciated for who I am and what I do. Of course no one really does that and I can't be bothered with a few of them already. I mean if you can't be bothered with me why should I care of you. Of course I probably still do care for some of them despite that. As for worst, it happens just about every time I realize that someone does something behind my back. Of course things like pleasant surprises are fine. I tend to regret posting things online right after I post them. I'm probably going to regret this post itself and try to delete it later on or edit out content. Apologies in advance.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
I'm not all that angry. Well no I can be stupidly angry. It seems more like a defensive thing though. It's pretty much the way I behave to anyone that does something against me. It's an immediate thing and sometimes I cling on to detesting individuals to the point of wanting them dead and being willing to kill them if not for social norms. Of course it makes no sense to kill anyone in this day and age at all, so I'll just stay angry and leave it at that. If I ever did kill someone, I'd end up killing lots of other people that I dislike as well and probably kill myself right after that since there's no way I could live my life normally after that. Shame and anxiety? That's me quite a lot of the time. Perhaps more on shame though. My anxiety is more a nurtured aspect, so it's newer and I'm not that sure if it should be counted.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
Chronic procrastinator speaking, even under stress. I actually work well under stress. If I can't see the deadline, I won't do it until the last possible hours before it's required. Bad habits. Oh well. As for unexpected change I will flip the heck out. I like to be kept informed on things. Even if it's something like 'oh hey i cant take the bus with you today' I would flip out. Although that's a bad thing I realize, so I try not to do that. Try. Conflict. Well does it involve me? If it doesn't then I don't care. Unless I'm in one of my caring moods, I really wouldn't care. If it involves my friends I would care a lot though. And I'd stand up for them even if they're in the wrong. Which is another thing that I suck at. I kind of negate all the bad attributes of the other person once they're my friend.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
Those are pretty vague terms. I respect authority I would think. I mean there's nothing particularly wrong with the governments here nor my parents and most other people are fine too. Except a handful that I would sack if I could since they're absolutely horrible. Power. Uhm. It's nice to have. But I don't need it that much. I can't use it properly anyway.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
Life is really dry. Nothing happens. Humans keep making the same mistakes. We're indefinitely repeating history. We're preserving animals and plants and other lifeforms that aren't supposed to continue living. We don't allow extinction, we don't want change. All change is bad unless it benefits us. Interactions between people are mostly selfish acts. Even if people help you, it's probably just because they feel good for helping you, they do it because it makes them feel good. If they give advice, it's because they want to be the ones that you think of when you use the advice, or again because it makes them feel better. It's ugly I guess, but true to me at least. Of course despite that there are still simple joys here, there, everywhere. Just have to dig them up and know how to appreciate them, as with the rest of life I guess. And overall it's all okay.