Today, on this site, was the first I've ever come across enneagrams so, I googled it, took a test, and came up with a result. I would like to test that result here, with the questions that were put up, just to see what will happen. I am assumming that people can tell me what my answers mean, because I have no clue how to gage any of it yet so, here goes:
(BTW, I actually hate talking about myself; this will be difficult!)
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
Although it sounds a bit anal, I am always looking for the integrity of things; literally, the "consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes", especially within systems of beliefs and conceptual "knowledge". Also, I am curious about ideas and am quick to see connections and meanings.
I'm always trying to establish more cognitive clarity. I like to be able to weigh my gut instincts against the information available and what can be inferred "between the lines". I do this because I have a knack for knowing that there is connections or contradictions between this or that, and can draw unorthodox yet accurate conclusions but, I also have a deficit in cognitive functioning. Having Cognitive disorder is, often times, like being in a fog when dealing with things that are not observable and concrete, but my natural inclination is to see the forest, not the single tree so, consistency becomes my rope within the fog. It allows an objective, observable fact to attach all other thing to or measure things from. The irony is that I am a thinker with an impaired thinker ;)
*Note: I view contradictions as an indicator that there is more to know, not as an untruth.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I would like to say that this comes naturally but, quite honestly, its a heavy maintenance practice I have to be constantly mindful of because I am prone to automatic, negative mental banter.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I try to avoid being misunderstood. I feel a bit derailed when things get misunderstood. Again, this is both personality and disability. I have an Expressive Language disorder as well as a quirky perception. I do well making myself understood, for the most part, in writing but, verbal communication is an other matter. I often use metaphors to illustrate what I mean but, it isn't always the most direct way to approach it. I like directness. It saves time to allows for questions.
I try not to loose my temper and fire off in a flip or sarcastic way. This never used to be an issue but, it has built into one over the years. I just think that some people could learn to listen a bit better, instead of using their "filter" to interpret what they think I'm saying.
I value compassion, integrity, loyalty, openness, fairness and sincerity. And honor ... I really value an honorable person, deed or intent. All of this just makes things easier in the long run, for everyone. I am not a fan of "messy". Above all, I value self-understanding, individuality and growth. I cannot change a thing about anyone else but I can be true to myself.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
Most of my biggest fears have come true. The only thing I have left to fear is the death of a loved one. Actually, I still have irrational childhood stuff ... rejection, abandonment and betrayal type BS ... I came from unpredictable and unavailable parents who where well focused on immediate gratification (which creates messy). I'm still working through fear of abandonment, rejection, betrayal and invalidation. I'm growing up (lol, still at 40) and don't have those knee jerk reactions any longer. I accept things as they are and do not rely so much on the opinions, feelings, actions or beliefs of others. What matters is what I think, feel and perceive (this is hugely different than even a year ago).
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
See, now this is a really hard question. I just want people to see me instead of what they need me to be. I see myself as a nonconforming doormat (hows that for contradiction) :)
I guess I could be a bit more forthcoming here. I am loyal, patient, scrappy, inventive, questioning, sensitive, empathetic, strong, brave, usually assertive, mostly blunt, shy about expressing my own inner world, accepting but with decernment, have an off-beat sense of humor (flip wit), quiet and reserved most of the time (which makes the the blunt comments and "flip-wit" more shocking), deep thinker, intellectual, prone to aesthetic sensibilities, objective, non-materialistic ... God I hope this is enough. I feel like I'm writing a resume :/
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
My best is expressing myself through writing or intimacy. My worst is when I screw up in a big way, according to me.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
When I'm angry I vocalize it. When I am ashamed I apologize. With anxiety I can get irrational.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
Stress I must focus and push through or it becomes anxiety. Unexpected change is the theme of my life, I'm getting skilled at adaption. Conflict I try to avoid but, if I cannot, I face it and attempt to mediate it by doing the listen/talk/problem solve thing. If all else fails, it not my stuff, its theirs.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
I would rather not be told what to do. I have issues with those who have real or perceived power over me.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
We could do better.
I have strong opinions and convictions but they are mine and I would never think to force them on an other.
--- very short answers, sorry.