learning the enneagram

Today, on this site, was the first I've ever come across enneagrams so, I googled it, took a test, and came up with a result. I would like to test that result here, with the questions that were put up, just to see what will happen. I am assumming that people can tell me what my answers mean, because I have no clue how to gage any of it yet so, here goes:

(BTW, I actually hate talking about myself; this will be difficult!)

Main Questions

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

Although it sounds a bit anal, I am always looking for the integrity of things; literally, the "consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes", especially within systems of beliefs and conceptual "knowledge". Also, I am curious about ideas and am quick to see connections and meanings.

I'm always trying to establish more cognitive clarity. I like to be able to weigh my gut instincts against the information available and what can be inferred "between the lines". I do this because I have a knack for knowing that there is connections or contradictions between this or that, and can draw unorthodox yet accurate conclusions but, I also have a deficit in cognitive functioning. Having Cognitive disorder is, often times, like being in a fog when dealing with things that are not observable and concrete, but my natural inclination is to see the forest, not the single tree so, consistency becomes my rope within the fog. It allows an objective, observable fact to attach all other thing to or measure things from. The irony is that I am a thinker with an impaired thinker ;)

*Note: I view contradictions as an indicator that there is more to know, not as an untruth.



2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

Happiness

I would like to say that this comes naturally but, quite honestly, its a heavy maintenance practice I have to be constantly mindful of because I am prone to automatic, negative mental banter.



3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

I try to avoid being misunderstood. I feel a bit derailed when things get misunderstood. Again, this is both personality and disability. I have an Expressive Language disorder as well as a quirky perception. I do well making myself understood, for the most part, in writing but, verbal communication is an other matter. I often use metaphors to illustrate what I mean but, it isn't always the most direct way to approach it. I like directness. It saves time to allows for questions.

I try not to loose my temper and fire off in a flip or sarcastic way. This never used to be an issue but, it has built into one over the years. I just think that some people could learn to listen a bit better, instead of using their "filter" to interpret what they think I'm saying.

I value compassion, integrity, loyalty, openness, fairness and sincerity. And honor ... I really value an honorable person, deed or intent. All of this just makes things easier in the long run, for everyone. I am not a fan of "messy". Above all, I value self-understanding, individuality and growth. I cannot change a thing about anyone else but I can be true to myself.



4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

Most of my biggest fears have come true. The only thing I have left to fear is the death of a loved one. Actually, I still have irrational childhood stuff ... rejection, abandonment and betrayal type BS ... I came from unpredictable and unavailable parents who where well focused on immediate gratification (which creates messy). I'm still working through fear of abandonment, rejection, betrayal and invalidation. I'm growing up (lol, still at 40) and don't have those knee jerk reactions any longer. I accept things as they are and do not rely so much on the opinions, feelings, actions or beliefs of others. What matters is what I think, feel and perceive (this is hugely different than even a year ago).



5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?

See, now this is a really hard question. I just want people to see me instead of what they need me to be. I see myself as a nonconforming doormat (hows that for contradiction) :)

I guess I could be a bit more forthcoming here. I am loyal, patient, scrappy, inventive, questioning, sensitive, empathetic, strong, brave, usually assertive, mostly blunt, shy about expressing my own inner world, accepting but with decernment, have an off-beat sense of humor (flip wit), quiet and reserved most of the time (which makes the the blunt comments and "flip-wit" more shocking), deep thinker, intellectual, prone to aesthetic sensibilities, objective, non-materialistic ... God I hope this is enough. I feel like I'm writing a resume :/



6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

My best is expressing myself through writing or intimacy. My worst is when I screw up in a big way, according to me.



7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.

When I'm angry I vocalize it. When I am ashamed I apologize. With anxiety I can get irrational.


8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.

Stress I must focus and push through or it becomes anxiety. Unexpected change is the theme of my life, I'm getting skilled at adaption. Conflict I try to avoid but, if I cannot, I face it and attempt to mediate it by doing the listen/talk/problem solve thing. If all else fails, it not my stuff, its theirs.


9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?

I would rather not be told what to do. I have issues with those who have real or perceived power over me.


10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?

We could do better.

I have strong opinions and convictions but they are mine and I would never think to force them on an other.


--- very short answers, sorry.

This looks really short. The enneagram is about motives more than behaviors. I might be able to help better if you gave some personal reasons for the above. (Under most answers you've written, write why.)

With a great level of uncertainty: perhaps 1 wing 9?(Would you say that you were self critical and think a lot about how things ought to be?)

nine: mediation and avoidance of conflict, fear of losing people close to them (we all do, it's just not the first thing I'd think of)
one: integrity, seeking improvement - "We could do better."

Originally Posted by Jiktin

This looks really short. The enneagram is about motives more than behaviors. I might be able to help better if you gave some personal reasons for the above. (Under most answers you've written, write why.)

With a great level of uncertainty: perhaps 1 wing 9?(Would you say that you were self critical and think a lot about how things ought to be?)

nine: mediation and avoidance of conflict, fear of losing people close to them (we all do, it's just not the first thing I'd think of)
one: integrity, seeking improvement - "We could do better."

I'll try to rework the answers. The online test I did had come up with the following: Type 6 had the highest value, followed by type 5. After this, it was followed by a type 9 and type 4. The problem is, I don't know if any of these would be a wing or if they are just all in the running to be the main type indicator. Also, does mood effect these things? I was in a real funk yesterday when I joined this site, took the tests and made all my posts. :P

Jiktin , I did an edit. The things in italics are the revisions to the answers. This really was very hard. I am a very private person :/ Thanks for looking at it BTW.

I'm reading through all the enneagram stuff and I'm thinking that I'm answering the questions wrong. I don't know. I'm answering it more from a cognitive perspective only and not really getting into the deeper ends of me, the more core areas. Isn't there a enneagram for dummies anywhere?

Edit: Also, I took that online test again and the types changed. Now type 6 and type 9 are tied and the remainder are well below. I just tend to respond according to a situation or person. I don't have a fixed way of doing things.

Edit: My husband says he thinks I am most definitely NOT a type 6 as I cannot be labeled as having generalized mistrust, rather I am Leary of certain types for good cause. He also piped in that he thinks that my disgust for certain things that happen make me a bit fearless and willing to put my neck on the line to defend an other.

Edit: I don't think I fit into anything. If there was a gun to my head, I might pick type 9. Why can't there be a 10th option, bah ... I could totally see 9 being a wing if I had a personality but I evidently don't have a decernable one.

I know why this is so hard for me. As stated by Wiki, "*As there are different schools of thought among Enneagram theorists about some aspects of how it is understood, its interpretation is not always unified or consistent". I need to have a starting place and I'm not fing one.

Originally Posted by Wake

Here aresome good links to read up on types:
TypewatchEnneagram: Typewatch Enneagram TypeDescriptions
theenneagram...info from the underground
and also theTimeless articles, which are probably the bestresource of the many.

I'd stick to those ^
-
Yes, mood would probably affect it if it leads you to believe that you've always acted in certain ways.
--
More very loose guesses.

1. Ideas, connections...(type 5?) Do you feel like an observer a lot or enjoy analyzing things?
2. Indicates nothing but emotional distress. Although 9's usually have more positive outlooks in their normal states.
3."fire off in a flip or sarcastic way"
Also, once again

Originally Posted by Jiktin

Another thing that's particularly telling for a toss between 9's and 6's is how they express passive aggressiveness. I have no idea if you are, but generally 9's go quiet, stubborn, unmovable rock-like and unresponsive. 6's might make more sharp sarcastic snipes. But that's just from the small group of people I know.

Just to be safe: Do you ever feel the need to be very prepared for things usually?

4."rely so much on the opinions, feelings, actions or beliefs of others" - possibly 6-ish behaviour
5. "bluntness" - type 8, type 1
7. "When I'm angry I vocalize it." Most type 9's I know hold in anger well unless they're pushed hard.
8. Adaption to other people''' + "I just tend to respond according to a situation or person. I don't have a fixed way of doing things." types 9, 3 ?
9. Authority issues - type 6?
-

I'd agree with your husband. Type 9's have a tendency to be trusting. If you're not suspicious of others regularly, then there's a good chance that you're not a six.

Sorry I haven't been able to spot much else. Read the links and go over each type if you haven't yet, they might help. *insert internet hugs if needed*

Thank you for all of the help and attention Jiktin, I much appreciate it. I'll take the hug :) I've had an incredibly long day of reading and schoolwork, and expect to have the same for the rest of the week, so I will read as I have the chance to do so. I should do a bit of clarifying ... I used to be the people pleaser, always giving without thought of self. I used to be afraid to do or say anything that would gain me disapproval. I used to be "Fearful-Avoidant". A Lot of what I know of myself comes from these things that used to be. There was a time before that though. I remember being a completely different person at the age of four than I was after the age of eight. I also was considered "above average intelligence" before I hit kindergarten but then by first grade, I fell into a shopping list of developmental difficulties, leaving me with "low average IQ". I am not entirely sure if I can be typed, as I am referring to something catastrophic that happened neurologically, while personality was still being developed. I fit all and none of these types, at the same time. Also, I have tested to have very high level of emotional intelligence so, I do not fit the norm there either, especially sense I should be really messed up given my experiences. The point is, maybe I cannot be typed and maybe that's okay :)

Based upon the definitions given by Timeless, I really am not fixed into a particular type. As I read, though, I am opposite from a type 8's world view or motivating character. I would actually consider the type 8 to be my nemesis. In thinking with regard to all the motivations of a type 8. My thought is that we all have this in us at a basic level and that our purpose is to transcend those "lower" or "reptilian" impulses via awareness within our conscious mind that there is more to being human than to just being an animal within nature. In other words, we recognize it within ourselves and accept it's validity to serve a purpose but, know when it is and isn't appropriate to operate from those channels ...

I am a natural INFP with equally developed Sensing/thinking/judging skills, as adaptions for Cognitive Disorder. Wouldn't it make sense that, because of this, my preference in motivation would be multi-faceted as well?

What is the exact opposite of a type 8?

Originally Posted by Jiktin

1. Ideas, connections...(type 5?) Do you feel like an observer a lot or enjoy analyzing things?

Yes, but not in the same way as what I gather a five to be. As written by Timeless, "In a perfect world, the Type Five would be all-knowing. But this is not a perfect world, and the Five is confronted with the unpleasant reality that there are a myriad number of unknown possibilities and variables. This is fundamentally shocking to the Type Five, and they withdraw to compensate for it. They become observers; reserved, but planning, and always watching." I am an observer that happens to be reserved, for the most part. I also tend to plan but, I'm not always watching. I plan in order to keep myself from being scatter, not to keep meticulous track of things. I also do not tend to be a watcher, in the hyper-vigilant sense, as I am more apt to be swept away in some pursuit of creative thinking or writing. I analyze and observe because people and the world fascinate me. I am in awe of all the things there is to know and learn. To be all-knowing, to me, would be boring and leave nothing left to accomplish (so I'd probably become a trouble maker, the opposite of who I aim to be).

Originally Posted by Jiktin

3."fire off in a flip or sarcastic way".

I do this when I feel irritated, which is usually when 1) someone is not actually listening to what I am saying or "twisting my words" to mean something else, 2) someone is being completely insensitive, manipulative, or self-serving by standard opinion, 3) when someone is being otherwise difficult or disrespectful and I don't have the time or energy to patiently give them the the attention they appear to be demanding.

Originally Posted by Jiktin

Just to be safe: Do you ever feel the need to be very prepared for things usually?

Yes, but that is because I can be very scattered but I also have a tendency to want to prepare for the "worse case scenario" so I'm not caught off guard. I hate things hitting me out of nowhere and leaving me spinning in confusion and not knowing how to respond.

Originally Posted by Jiktin

4."rely so much on the opinions, feelings, actions or beliefs of others" - possibly 6-ish behaviour

Possible but I am beginning to swing the opposite way and not care. I still am prone to the momentary icky feelings of the overall fear of rejection crap though. My mind seems to be fighting a deeper something or other ...

Originally Posted by Jiktin

5. "bluntness" - type 8, type 1

More to do with people being bad listeners/readers and me becoming less tolerant. I save time by being blunt; I save feeling being sensitive. It matters where I'm at in the moment. If I am irritated or tired of the ongoing circular conversation, I become blunt and insensitive.

Originally Posted by Jiktin

7. "When I'm angry I vocalize it." Most type 9's I know hold in anger well unless they're pushed hard.

I don't know if you can tell but I get pushed hard all the time. I don't know anyone who isn't a vurtual bulldozer.


[QUOTE=Jiktin;2545878]
8. Adaption to other people''' + "I just tend to respond according to a situation or person. I don't have a fixed way of doing things." types 9, 3 ?
9. Authority issues - type 6?QUOTE]

So what does a 9w1 look like and what does a 1w9 look like? What does a 1w2 look like or a 9w8?