[MyLittleBlackHeart]

Nines are connected with both parents, in the sense that they have powerfully identified with and incorporated into their psyches, the agendas and issues of both their nurturing-figure and their protective-figure. Much of their mental and emotional energy must then be used to deal with the keeping all of these identifications in some kind of inner harmony. Thus their inner world is largely a balancing act as they attempt to accommodate their identifications with their nurturing-figure, their identifications with their protective-figure, and hopefully, a few of their own needs as well.
Healthy Nines are extraordinarily sensitive and open to their environment, and as children, they absorbed a great deal from the people around them, primarily their parents. If they came from a peaceful, harmonious household, the messages and feelings they incorporated are relatively easy to manage, and Nines have sufficient attention available to deal effectively with their world. If their early childhood was torn by strife and dysfunction, holding all of the painful and conflicted feelings and messages inside them is almost intolerable, so average to unhealthy Nines learn to dissociate—to remove themselves from the immediacy of their feelings and thoughts so that the inner turmoil they have absorbed does not overwhelm them.
At the same time, they learn to tune out the conflicts and pain of the external environment, a strategy familiar to many children. This is like the young person who blocks out the sound of their parents fighting in another room by singing a song to themselves or remembering happier times.
Connecting with both parents gives at least healthy to average Nines a sense of support and identity because their identity is more or less "given." However, in the process of psychological and spiritual development, Nines may come to see that the identity they have assumed is not who they really are (like Threes) and that they are often dependent on something outside themselves for support (like Sixes.) Furthermore, if their psyches are accommodating the issues of both parents, where is there space left for the Nine. It is as if Nines are crowded out of the space of their own self by the agendas first of their parents, and later of the significant people in their lives.
Trying to find some little space for themselves, claiming some part of their lives for themselves alone, becomes very important. What Nines choose to do as their own may seem trivial to others, but Nines will defend these little activities fiercely. Once they understand the nature of their inner accommodations, Nines are able to let go of some of these habits or rituals because they feel safe to claim their own needs in more central areas of their lives.
Finally, we can see that this orientation compels Nines to maintain harmonious relationships with the people in their lives. Not only that, but also between the others in their lives. As children who had developed their sense of self by bonding and identifying with both parents, the prospect of discord or separation between the parents is terrifying. For young Nines it is the same as having discord and conflict within themselves. Warfare or separation between the parents is experienced as inner warfare or a ripping apart of the self by Nines. Basically, Nines feel whole and good as long as the people they have identified are whole and good. When Nines are healthy, they use their many gifts to help maintain the wholeness and well-being of others. When they are less healthy, they imagine that others are well and whole, even if they are not. Once this occurs, Nines ironically have begun to lose the very people they want to stay connected with.

[mcgooglian]

As children who had developed their sense of self by bonding and identifying with both parents, the prospect of discord or separation between the parents is terrifying. For young Nines it is the same as having discord and conflict within themselves. Warfare or separation between the parents is experienced as inner warfare or a ripping apart of the self by Nines.

While my parents didn't fight a lot, they did get separated by the death of my mother. I'd say I did have part of myself ripped away when she died and I attempted to fill it by doing what I thought she'd want me to do and I refused to let anyone see that something was bothering me or what I wanted deep down in order to help others get through their grieving. Doing this made me miserable and made me feel lonely (especially since she was the only one who provided emotional support for me). Only now (it'll be exactly 6 years since she died on the 19th) am I finally starting to pay attention to what I want and actually talking about how I feel (at least to one person who's started to fill that empty space inside me) and trying to figure out who I actually am rather than what's only part of me because I moved in that direction because of my mom's death.

[susurration]

extraordinarily sensitive and open to their environment, and as children, they absorbed a great deal from the people around them, primarily their parents.

holding all of the painful and conflicted feelings and messages inside them is almost intolerable.. they learn to dissociate—to remove themselves from the immediacy of their feelings and thoughts so that the inner turmoil they have absorbed does not overwhelm them.
At the same time, they learn to tune out the conflicts and pain of the external environment, a strategy familiar to many children.

However, in the process of psychological and spiritual development, Nines may come to see that the identity they have assumed is not who they really are (like Threes) and that they are often dependent on something outside themselves for support (like Sixes.) Furthermore, if their psyches are accommodating the issues of both parents, where is there space left for the Nine. It is as if Nines are crowded out of the space of their own self by the agendas first of their parents, and later of the significant people in their lives.

The Ennegram has made me confront myself in ways MBTI does not. I wish I could've learnt all these things earlier.

[Liontiger]

However, in the process of psychological and spiritual development, Nines may come to see that the identity they have assumed is not who they really are (like Threes) and that they are often dependent on something outside themselves for support (like Sixes.)

Yup. I've done this more than once in my life, some of which was related to my parents and some that wasn't.