I grabbed this quote from another enneagram board, and I feel like it sums up pretty much what I like to call the "nobody special" problem that 9's come across frequently in their lives. Because we're known to be complacent and adaptive to other people's wants and desires, this unfortunately comes across to some people that we're doormats and yes-(wo)men with no minds or passions of our own. We may come off to some people as individuals who have no boundaries and just act to the whims of whoever. That's not to say that that is not true, but what I want to explore here is how other nine's deal with being underestimated and looked over, whether it's something we even care about, and any other tangents related to fading in the background.I find it hard to think of myself as a 9 when I hear the words that come out of other 9s mouths, and when I read descriptions of them. Everything tends to some stereotypical variation of the cardboard human, the self-deprecating doormat, the tree-hugger, the lifeless robot, the non-introspective idiot, the monotonously mundane fool, etc. The caricatures are downright imbecilic.
It makes me mad. All the descriptions point to the "nice guy" external veneer, but they don't capture the massive rage and intensity underneath it. That the descriptions don't "see me" slights me. Which relates back to the lack of having an external ego/self. The being is trapped within.
Do you often get underestimated/overlooked in a group?
If yes, does it bother you a lot? If no, why do you think that is?
How do you overcome with being placed in the "nobody special" role?
For me, as an introvert I know I get looked over a lot and at times get underestimated because of my private and introspective nature. I like keeping to myself and am not interested in participating in any sort of social niceties, thanks to my self-preserving instinct, so my primary focus in life is to cultivate an inner sense of balance and peace which means 98% of the time I'm keeping people out and shutting them out of my thoughts and feelings. I wouldn't so say that I get underestimated as much as I do get overlooked. It depends on the group or social setting. For instance if I'm in a group of people whom I hardly know and they hardly know me, then I have the tendency to be overlooked and underestimated because I have no interest in asserting myself unless a situation calls for it. I usually just retreat in my head and stay there, so I understand how I might appear dull to some people. In groups where I am more well acquainted with everyone, then I think I get overlooked a lot but not underestimated. People who know me to some degree know that I am intellectual, cerebral, and very thoughtful and observant, so they know better than to underestimate me, but because I'm not big on creating a social niche for myself I tend to fade into the background. Again, I only assert myself if a certain situation calls for it or if someone asks for my attention.
In both cases it doesn't bother me, especially in the former seeing as in that circumstance it is with a bunch of strangers, but it does irk me a bit when I get underestimated by people who have known me for a certain amount of time, because they have had that much time to get to know me and know better than to overlook me. Also, it's fun to shock people when I do assert myself, and break their prevalent notion that I am somehow just someone in the background. When something interest me, or there's a problem to solve I put my all in it and I have no problem rocking a few boats to get what I want.