[Harley]

I find it hard to think of myself as a 9 when I hear the words that come out of other 9s mouths, and when I read descriptions of them. Everything tends to some stereotypical variation of the cardboard human, the self-deprecating doormat, the tree-hugger, the lifeless robot, the non-introspective idiot, the monotonously mundane fool, etc. The caricatures are downright imbecilic.

It makes me mad. All the descriptions point to the "nice guy" external veneer, but they don't capture the massive rage and intensity underneath it. That the descriptions don't "see me" slights me. Which relates back to the lack of having an external ego/self. The being is trapped within.

I grabbed this quote from another enneagram board, and I feel like it sums up pretty much what I like to call the "nobody special" problem that 9's come across frequently in their lives. Because we're known to be complacent and adaptive to other people's wants and desires, this unfortunately comes across to some people that we're doormats and yes-(wo)men with no minds or passions of our own. We may come off to some people as individuals who have no boundaries and just act to the whims of whoever. That's not to say that that is not true, but what I want to explore here is how other nine's deal with being underestimated and looked over, whether it's something we even care about, and any other tangents related to fading in the background.

Some questions:
Do you often get underestimated/overlooked in a group?
If yes, does it bother you a lot? If no, why do you think that is?
How do you overcome with being placed in the "nobody special" role?

For me, as an introvert I know I get looked over a lot and at times get underestimated because of my private and introspective nature. I like keeping to myself and am not interested in participating in any sort of social niceties, thanks to my self-preserving instinct, so my primary focus in life is to cultivate an inner sense of balance and peace which means 98% of the time I'm keeping people out and shutting them out of my thoughts and feelings. I wouldn't so say that I get underestimated as much as I do get overlooked. It depends on the group or social setting. For instance if I'm in a group of people whom I hardly know and they hardly know me, then I have the tendency to be overlooked and underestimated because I have no interest in asserting myself unless a situation calls for it. I usually just retreat in my head and stay there, so I understand how I might appear dull to some people. In groups where I am more well acquainted with everyone, then I think I get overlooked a lot but not underestimated. People who know me to some degree know that I am intellectual, cerebral, and very thoughtful and observant, so they know better than to underestimate me, but because I'm not big on creating a social niche for myself I tend to fade into the background. Again, I only assert myself if a certain situation calls for it or if someone asks for my attention.

In both cases it doesn't bother me, especially in the former seeing as in that circumstance it is with a bunch of strangers, but it does irk me a bit when I get underestimated by people who have known me for a certain amount of time, because they have had that much time to get to know me and know better than to overlook me. Also, it's fun to shock people when I do assert myself, and break their prevalent notion that I am somehow just someone in the background. When something interest me, or there's a problem to solve I put my all in it and I have no problem rocking a few boats to get what I want.

[sherkanner]

Thanks.

Same for me. I am often overlooked, damned extroverts takes all the attention to themselves. Not that it displeases me, but sometimes it get pretty annoying to be in someone's shadow and being completely ignored because of said person. But most of the time, it allows me to observe without being too disturbed by irrelevant conversations.
Yet when they start to know me, I become their reference when they have a strange question (outside their range of knowledge) or want an untainted opinion (that I give willingly, but only when asked because it will hurt their feelings, and as INTJ I don't know how to deal with that with ease). My opinions are always valued.

At work, I am also overlooked. But it serves my purpose, I won't chase after the work, it has to come to me.
When new tasks arise, I am first overlooked, but when somebody mentions me for a particular task, everybody agrees immediately. Definitely not underestimated. Overlooked at first because I am still young, still need some experience, and most importantly don't want to shine nor force myself upon the others. It will make my journey up the ladder a bit slower, but I know I will deserve it based on my skills, and not on my capability to BS.

[The King Of Dreams]

I always felt this way throughout my life. And I'm STILL not used to it.

[Essay]

I wouldn't say that I'm very often overlooked, or, if I am, it's not bothering me. Part of it is that I'm so accustomed to initiating conversations that I tend to build a good 1-on-1 relationship with everyone I meet outside of the group context. Once a group is formed, sure I let myself fade into the background, but it's because I'm sitting back and taking it all in. If I see someone else being overlooked, I chime in to help them get included. What this does is it usually results in them doing the same for me down the road. Of course, this isn't possible in all group dynamics, but when I'm not feeling very included in the group, my natural instinct is to pull someone else out of it into more of a 1-on-1 situation, and then reconnect what we end up doing to the main group later. Does that make any sense? I think this is more my 3w4 side at work, in support of my 9w1 self to be honest.

That said, I do get written off as "the good guy" sometimes, which naturally distances me from certain people. I dropped an expressive F-bomb in the office the other day, and some of my more cynical, chain-smoking coworkers completely stopped what they were doing. "Since when do you swear?"