[sodden]

I was crappy to a 9w1 long ago. I would like to apologize for being a self-absorbed piece o' four; I haven't talked to him in ages, basically because he cut me off. If I were to apologize via email, would he appreciate it, or would he rather I never bring it up again and maybe if I see him years from now I could apologize. It's crappy because I miss him but I also don't think he wants anything to do with me. Would an apology be ignored, or worse, viewed as stalking? I want to be big here and do what's best for him, not what's best for me.

Obviously you don't know the real answer here because you aren't him, but how would you as a nine feel about this? Any insight is appreciated-

[amanda32]

I'm a 9 and an apology would be very appreciated at any time.

[Robatix]

Yeah, just apologize in an e-mail or over the phone, and start out with something to the effect of "I know you probably hate my guts, but I was thinking about what happened between us, and I really wanted to apologize for ____." Acknowledge your mistake and be sincere, and whether he chooses to be receptive or not will be his decision. I doubt that he'd see your attempt at making an apology as stalking, especially since the two of you have been out of contact for such a considerable length of time.

[Tucken]

If he is really a 9w1 he would want you to, but he might get a little bit embaressed or not know how to act. (He may need some time to accept the apology and sort things out.)

I would tell him up front, if possible. With email its more likely to be ignored. (Because he doesn't want to 'rock the boat' that is his peace of mind and emotions. These things are very touchy. It would be easier for him to not read the mail at all..)
Emphasize you did wrong, that everything is fine from your perspective or what you need to make it okay, and where you want to go from here on. E.g. close friends again.

He won't view it as stalking at all. If he ever liked you chances are he would want to get back in touch with you- its just very hard for him to initiate and he may think that's your move. Chances are he is waiting for you, remember that our strategy is to let problems disolve on their own with time Good luck and use just the right amount of emotions

[sodden]

Thanks for the advice. You are correct about emails. He will just choose not to read it- he is the master of passive resistance. I remember one time I called him- he seemed very pleased to hear from me- but then i asked him why he never responded to the emails I sent and he said, "Oh, yeah, well, I was waiting until I had a minute to really look at them, consider them." I called him six months after I sent those emails.

Tucken, you are pretty much exactly what I would consider his type, variants included, so I appreciate your input especially. Thanks. Although I'm still not sure that I will do it. It makes me nervous, overly self-conscious, and stirs up feelings within me that put the rest of my life to a stand still.

[Kevinaswell]

Good luck.

Last 9 I talked to hated me for things like apologizing.

Despite him ONLY putting me in situations where I felt expected to.

(But that was some fucked up emotional mind fuck bullshit.)

[sodden]

^^ Yeah, that's the thing. It's like his cool demeanor turns me into a drama queen which makes me feel like I should apologize for being someone I'm typically not which I know makes him uncomfortable. Although I really do think I owe him an apology.

[Kevinaswell]

^^ Yeah, that's the thing. It's like his cool demeanor turns me into a drama queen which makes me feel like I should apologize for being someone I'm typically not which I know makes him uncomfortable. Although I really do think I owe him an apology.

.....good luck.

My story ended terribly.

Despite my every effort.

(And I like to think I'm a pretty reasonable/peaceful fellow...)