Unrelated somewhat, but do you associate grief with nadir? I see a very clear correlation between certain parts of the life journey and points on the enneagram.Who I was back then is not who I am today. Hell, who I was yesterday is not who I am today. Such is the experience of Holy Law. Back when I was in college like six-seven years ago, I must've been experiencing and going through a lot of traumatic events (depends on how you count) (though college was pretty traumatic now that I think about it...), because the people around me kept saying "You've changed" every four months or so. Most of the time, "You've changed" was a compliment, meaning I changed for the better. When it wasn't said as a compliment, after I think about two years of them needing to say this, they probably started wondering whether they should be afraid.
Innocence: the memories are still there in my head somewhere, but my feelings for them are not. Once I let out the pain from those memories, I found a relieving, peaceful feeling of nothingness. Healing only starts once the pain has been acknowledged and felt. The pain of my past is no longer a part of who I am. Unless I am responding to a question regarding my personal past, I don't really think of my past anymore. I haven't really thought about it for a really long time...
It's difficult for me remember now. The hardest part about this topic for me is that I've written about these things before. Most of these posts are very very early in my posting history. Damn, that was two years ago. Well, at least it's written down somewhere, and since I only talked about those things on PerC, there's really only one place to look. Something something Holy Origin and trying to find my roots again... Now I need to find a vbulletin scrapper so I can retrieve those old posts and integrate them into a personal journal. So that I can remember how I used to be and assess growth and lessons learned. And I look to see that I've written 700 posts, knowing that most of them are very long, and I go "wtf have I been doing with my life?" But it's been pretty rewarding.
Part of integration involves reorganizing one's thoughts and changing the meaning of events which have happened in the past. There's this strange irony because some of the most traumatic experiences in my life happened while doing acid + ecstasy, where I needed to access deeply buried memories of my traumatic childhood, but I learned a process from there that really helped with putting the shattered pieces of my psyche/soul together, and now I'm trying to repeat this sober. The long, hard way. Where the pain is in the tediousness of this process rather than something tragically inflicted. *sigh* Which involves a process of recollecting memories, trying to remember how I felt, and compare to whether I have any feelings about it now.
And like a good variant of type nine, I'm going to procrastinate on it. Do I need to do this? No. But since I want to do it, I'm sure I'll get to it. New Years resolution 2016.
Writing and reading it out again will help with intrapersonal communication, which is very much a neglected aspect of any enneagram literature I've read. Especially because the "A Forward Model of Motor Control" diagram matches another diagram I've came across before, which might've been credited to the Arica Institute.
On the process enneagram, I would rate this thread as "in the nadir" (points 4-5). Like, on the regular enneagram symbol, zoom in on point eight. But when you zoom in, there's another enneagram symbol there, and points four and five are lit the brightest. This is where eights are most unique from each other.
For example, most other eights, hell, most people posting in the enneagram forum broadly use other typing systems, but I'm an enneagram specialist.