[Dichotomy]

Oh heck I realised almost as soon as I posted my last post (by which time it was too late) that no one had actually suggested that emotional guardedness/retardation was a uniquely type 5 problem. I just thought I'd knock off a quick response rather than spend ages crafting a robotically-careful or otherwise brilliantly worded reply. I actually hate myself sometimes.

That said, I disagree that emotional guardedness = emotional retardation. Even if the former is true, you could still have a high EQ and be very thoughtful and sensitive to others.

[MyLittleBlackHeart]

Oh heck I realised almost as soon as I posted my last post (by which time it was too late) that no one had actually suggested that emotional guardedness/retardation was a uniquely type 5 problem. I just thought I'd knock off a quick response rather than spend ages crafting a robotically-careful or otherwise brilliantly worded reply. I actually hate myself sometimes.

That said, I disagree that emotional guardedness = emotional retardation. Even if the former is true, you could still have a high EQ and be very thoughtful and sensitive to others.

I understand what you are saying.....though when I try to rationalize the guardedness...it is because I am so vulnerable/no armor.

I am sensitive to those I CHOOSE or those who happen to fall into my vulnerable spot.

To others I am not rude, but I dont spend a lot of time thinking about them or spending time with them. And outside of being empathetic...I do not transfer their feelings onto myself.

Emotion to me is like wearing a big crazy bridesmaid dress or something equally uncomfortable and awkward. I can do it, but I would rather not if that makes sense.

[Mizmar]

Oh heck I realised almost as soon as I posted my last post (by which time it was too late) that no one had actually suggested that emotional guardedness/retardation was a uniquely type 5 problem. I just thought I'd knock off a quick response rather than spend ages crafting a robotically-careful or otherwise brilliantly worded reply. I actually hate myself sometimes.

That said, I disagree that emotional guardedness = emotional retardation. Even if the former is true, you could still have a high EQ and be very thoughtful and sensitive to others.

I'm sorry if my reply made your post become too late!!! I wasn't offended by anything you said and I certainly didn't mean to make you hate yourself.

I appreciate your contribution.

[Irulan]

Here are some excerpts from this page that describe Point 5 as I've experienced it in myself, throughout my life incredibly well:

Wow...

I know it's been said before, but let me say it again. Thanks for the link. The part you posted was me in every way.

[MyLittleBlackHeart]

I have used that link before and it is REALLY AWESOME in explaining the instincts too......

[Jennywocky]

Does it EVER become easier...less challenging?
I would like to say I have grown less vulnerable as I have matured, though honestly I think I just protect myself better....because when someone does get 'in'.....I am as vulnerable as ever.

Well, letting someone in is making yourself vulnerable.
Think of it as being made out of stone vs out of flesh.
You can be made out of stone and never feel pain, but you can't feel joy either.
You can be made out of flesh and feel good stuff, but you also can get hurt.
The two come together.
That's one reason the joy feels EXTRA good -- to be vulnerable, then find your faith to be rewarded.

What happens hopefully as you age is that you become stronger -- when you get hurt, you are quicker to perceive what happened, realize what mistakes and misperceptions YOU had in that mishap, and learn to avoid them in the future. You also can embrace some hurt if it helps someone else or helps your relationship.

Fives naturally want to disengage, especially if they are unsure.
hence, they don't have much experience in relationships or emotions, they want to avoid them.
You won't get good at those things until you practice them and use your Five sense DURING the relationship/pain to calibrate yourself and understand the dynamics of what is happening; you cannot do this adequately from the outside, there are some things you just will not grasp until you let yourself get hurt.

I have to say I went through a lot of pain for awhile learning all this stuff, but in the end it paid off in spades and I am very happy now, I'm not afraid to engage, and I know I can survive and thrive during any hurtful period I might experience, I'm tough and resilient and eventually good stuff will happen again.

I think the older you get and the more experience you get, the more you realize much of life "cycles" through, you don't have to get everything right the first time, you'll get more chances.

[sartreality]

Well, letting someone in is making yourself vulnerable.
Think of it as being made out of stone vs out of flesh.
You can be made out of stone and never feel pain, but you can't feel joy either.
You can be made out of flesh and feel good stuff, but you also can get hurt.
The two come together.
That's one reason the joy feels EXTRA good -- to be vulnerable, then find your faith to be rewarded.

What happens hopefully as you age is that you become stronger -- when you get hurt, you are quicker to perceive what happened, realize what mistakes and misperceptions YOU had in that mishap, and learn to avoid them in the future. You also can embrace some hurt if it helps someone else or helps your relationship.

Fives naturally want to disengage, especially if they are unsure.
hence, they don't have much experience in relationships or emotions, they want to avoid them.
You won't get good at those things until you practice them and use your Five sense DURING the relationship/pain to calibrate yourself and understand the dynamics of what is happening; you cannot do this adequately from the outside, there are some things you just will not grasp until you let yourself get hurt.

I have to say I went through a lot of pain for awhile learning all this stuff, but in the end it paid off in spades and I am very happy now, I'm not afraid to engage, and I know I can survive and thrive during any hurtful period I might experience, I'm tough and resilient and eventually good stuff will happen again.

I think the older you get and the more experience you get, the more you realize much of life "cycles" through, you don't have to get everything right the first time, you'll get more chances.

You made a lot of excellent points regarding opening up and vulnerability and learning from hurts and how it makes you stronger etc.

But, I just have to say one thing: Getter older does not make it easier, even with the experience. I always used to believe this too. Me and a very good friend (another woman in her 40's) of mine have had quite a trying year this past year and we've also both been through a lot of trials in our life. We're both very strong people as well. It's funny because when we've talked on numerous ocassions about hard times in our life, we've both said the same thing, "I thought it was suppose to get easier!!!!!!!"

I doesn't. It really doesn't.

And do you know why it doesn't? Because you grow deeper as a person and then when you open yourself up, you become that much more vulnerable.

It does make you stronger and grow, but it's still just as painful, if not more so.

[Dichotomy]

I'm sorry if my reply made your post become too late!!! I wasn't offended by anything you said and I certainly didn't mean to make you hate yourself.

I appreciate your contribution.

It's okay there's nothing to be sorry for. I've embarrassed myself more than this anyway. I am nevertheless touched by your concern.

[MyLittleBlackHeart]

double posted, sorry...

[MyLittleBlackHeart]

You made a lot of excellent points regarding opening up and vulnerability and learning from hurts and how it makes you stronger etc.

But, I just have to say one thing: Getter older does not make it easier, even with the experience. I always used to believe this too. Me and a very good friend (another woman in her 40's) of mine have had quite a trying year this past year and we've also both been through a lot of trials in our life. We're both very strong people as well. It's funny because when we've talked on numerous ocassions about hard times in our life, we've both said the same thing, "I thought it was suppose to get easier!!!!!!!"

I doesn't. It really doesn't.

And do you know why it doesn't? Because you grow deeper as a person and then when you open yourself up, you become that much more vulnerable.

It does make you stronger and grow, but it's still just as painful, if not more so.

Oh, I VERY much agree.....
It baffles me that I stay so vulnerable, you would think that part would 'harden'...but it doesn't. It just grows deeper.