[Kevinaswell]

I don't arm myself >.< It's really tricky.

It's like guarding fine china with 4 foot thick walls of steel surrounded by turrets and nuclear bombs.



It's a paradox between protecting ourselves, and cutting ourselves off. The protection is needed, because damn. I would have no fine china left if I didn't >.< But it's so very very sad that the protection keeps so many people from using the delicate china.

I can't think of any way to solve it.

The most I can do is hope that eventually someone is out there that won't make me feel foolish >.<

[MyLittleBlackHeart]

Perhaps it is because we try to make logical sense of emotion....
I am like you, I do the very same.

It keeps me from connecting often.

[Jennywocky]

What is challenging? Well, when I open up to someone (be a friend or special other or even a family member) I am fully open. Now dont get me wrong, I am not a youngster.....and I can count MAYBE a dozen people in my entire lifetime I have let 'in'.

Being that I would do everything to protect those particular people from ever being hurt by me at all costs to myself....it doesnt work the same....especially in special other relationships. I dont see a way to avoid that personally ...besides not letting it happen. Hurting them or seeing them hurt: hurts me.

I think the reality is that relationships allow hurt. If you have expectations for others or for yourself, and you can't control the other person's behavior, then hurt is inevitable. Along with that, life is about change, so if you get attached to someone, eventually loss can occur and again...it's all inevitable.

Once I accepted that rationally, it helped me emotionally. I think I was expecting something in relationships that wasn't realistic and I was getting hurt in ways I couldn't deal with.

One of the hardest issues I dealt with was hurting others. If I opened myself to them and they did not like who I was or what I had to say in some way, I felt a compulsion to change but then also felt like it wasn't right for me to change (i.e., not good for me long term). and that meant someone was going to get hurt.

I had other people I loved tell me that I should stop worrying about hurting them, they were grownups and could take care of themselves, and I could just worry about what I needed because they trusted me.

Feelings are hard for the Head types to deal with, we keep trying to process them like "things" and detaching from them, but if we do that, then we stop living to some degree because we need to desire and want and feel things, both good and bad.

[Linesky]

I get so vulnerable sometimes... It's very tricky... I think the more I'd try to armor myself the more vulnerable I'd actually feel... I mostly don't armor myself at all.. But sometimes I can suddenly become defensive over things .. So if I'm aware of it at that moment I know that's something I need to get over. :P

Emotions don't always seem to make sense but I should care less about that and continue the action.. Being too obsessed by the mind can cause damage over the long run and cut off chances for myself and also to connect with others which is where the original issue starts :P.

Hehehe. 5's make it so complicated sometimes by being Too detached. It's basically a cycle and we need to make sure not to fall into it too often while becoming stuck in that routine ;P

I realized worrying about vulnerability is possibly the thing that can make me the most vulnerable.

Also I agree with what's been said before & I feel pain too when I think of people I love that are or could be hurt.
Which, in term of the theory, possibly relates to that worry about vulnerability.
:)

[sartreality]

Utilize your iNtuition more. I lot of 5's are also N's and I think what happens when we go too far into self-preservation mode, is that we stop using our intuition to a degree and start over-using either Ti or Fi and Fe.

Thinkers may start playing negative memories and possible negative scenarios in their head and Feelers will start going into past hurts or possible hurts.

The trick of it is to be aware of that flaw and notice when we're doing it. Then try to connect with our intuitive ability to read people. When you can do that, then you will have a better footing to know when it's safe to open up or not.

From there I would say, start to open up in small doses, when you get that intuition that everything's cool and you'll be alright.

[Linesky]

Utilize your iNtuition more. I lot of 5's are also N's and I think what happens when we go too far into self-preservation mode, is that we stop using our intuition to a degree and start over-using either Ti or Fi and Fe.

Thinkers may start playing negative memories and possible negative scenarios in their head and Feelers will start going into past hurts or possible hurts.

The trick of it is to be aware of that flaw and notice when we're doing it. Then try to connect with our intuitive ability to read people. When you can do that, then you will have a better footing to know when it's safe to open up or not.

From there I would say, start to open up in small doses, when you get that intuition that everything's cool and you'll be alright.

So true.

Ti can be a bitch xD. Fi is quite moderate and Fe can be jumpy all of a sudden but they're in moderation compared to needy Ti.

And that scenario thing is Right on!

I'll try to use my iNtuition more instead of suffocating myself in my own body/thoughts/whatever.

[Deagalman]

I've always had a hard time showing emotion although I'm extremely sensitive and have a love for the arts, architecture, beauty, etc. The "free thinker" is very fitting. And I'm fine with it. And the sudden and total 5w4 opening up thing is something I avoid and steer others away from. Live and learn.

[Irulan]

Now dont get me wrong, I am not a youngster.....and I can count MAYBE a dozen people in my entire lifetime I have let 'in'.

I don't think I've ever let anyone in. :P

But I wouldn't consider that emotional retardation... But then the interaction of my NF and 5 might make me a little different than an NT in that respect. It's strange. I feel intensely and deeply, but those feelings are sometimes so distant. Sometimes I want to access them because I think I should, but then I'd rather just ignore them and be in solitude. But every now and then, the depth of feeling surfaces. It's strange, because it feels intense, but it is very rare that it is obvious to anyone other than myself.

[Kevinaswell]

I've always had a hard time showing emotion although I'm extremely sensitive and have a love for the arts, architecture, beauty, etc. The "free thinker" is very fitting. And I'm fine with it. And the sudden and total 5w4 opening up thing is something I avoid and steer others away from. Live and learn.

I'm on to you.

Unless I'm wrong in which case I'm sorry but damn that's a coincidence XD

As for the thread....

I'm going to supply a more heartfelt post tomorrow :)

[MyLittleBlackHeart]

I don't think I've ever let anyone in. :P

But I wouldn't consider that emotional retardation... But then the interaction of my NF and 5 might make me a little different than an NT in that respect. It's strange. I feel intensely and deeply, but those feelings are sometimes so distant. Sometimes I want to access them because I think I should, but then I'd rather just ignore them and be in solitude. But every now and then, the depth of feeling surfaces. It's strange, because it feels intense, but it is very rare that it is obvious to anyone other than myself.

Yeah, when it happens to me I feel blindsided and frozen and have to gain some footing.

BTW, the way I know I truly/deeply care about someone is I start to feel hurt/happy by the things in their life in a manner different than others. It is 'amp'd' up.