This is a discussion on Why 4's Don't Sit With Everyone Else within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; ......
Last edited by Starflakes; 01-12-2017 at 03:06 PM.
I also don't want to sit 'like' everyone else. All this togetherness seems like a herd mentality
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Because there's no available seat?
Speak for yourself, I don't sit with others because I don't like them.
I make a point of never assuming I'm welcome. Unless I know for certain I'm welcome, I'll usually be off by myself. I'd rather be absent and wanted than present and not wanted.
Last edited by Starflakes; 01-12-2017 at 03:08 PM.
I don't know what the original post said but I know I do tend to not sit with everyone else. I literally forget that that's "rude", I think I'm doing them a favor by not assuming I'm welcome. IT ISN'T EVEN REALLY A SELF-DEGRADING THING, at least not in the moment, it's just like my underlying assumption is that I'm going to make it weird by interacting with people and that it's going to just be an overall embarrassing or pointless experience. This doesn't stop me from going and sitting, separately, even though in reality THAT is the weird thing to do; to me it just seems natural. I have a hard time integrating my narrative with social conventions I do not understand; I forget that just becaue I feel a certain way and know that I'm not doing something for rude reasons, that other people aren't going to just kinda "forget" how weird and rude I'm being. They'll notice. Then I notice that they notice, the weirdness increases and I feel self-conscious and it's all a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or it would be, if I were terribly interested in socializing, but I'm usually genuinely not, these days.
I also sit away from people because I am overwhelmed easily and like to get my bearings. Also, if I'm going outside of my house for some reason, to a place where there are a lot of people, I honestly have some other purpose for being there because I rarely go out solely or primarily to socialize. And I get focused on the other reasons instead, and get really overwhelmed if I try to focus on socializing or tracking a side conversation on top of that. Sigh. I want to get better about all of this, though, only because I am now finally coming to understand a lot more about why I do what I do and I would like to challenge myself instead of just accepting what seems "natural". It may turn out that I decide I really am better off being as isolated as possible but I'd like to make sure before I commit to that lifestyle as more than just a habit.
I wouldn't want to be intrusive. Let's say I sit at a table of people with out being invited, I would feel unwelcome. There would be no point in being there, I would probably start to think about how much I'm bothering everyone there by being present... Would also try to read everyones body language to see if they give me any strange looks or try to communicate with the other people at the table.
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I know though, sitting like others is a beautiful thing. No way of sitting is better than another, and the togetherness of them being all equal and the same gives me inner peace... the struggle is remembering this last part.
you guys basically explained it.
-Being polite by not joining in since you weren't vocally invited in or was pursued to go and join in their group.
-They feel like strangers, even the ones you have briefly acquainted with.
-Not having the 'I can be friends with you' vibe.
IDK. I just really wait for them to talk to me or i try to talk to them.
Friend even say at at class, I'm really really quiet compared to when I'm with them on lunch time.