[Enneagram Type 4] Why 4's Don't Sit With Everyone Else

Why 4's Don't Sit With Everyone Else

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This is a discussion on Why 4's Don't Sit With Everyone Else within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; ......

  1. #1
    Type 4w5

    Why 4's Don't Sit With Everyone Else

    ...
    Last edited by Starflakes; 01-12-2017 at 04:06 PM.



  2. #2
    Type 7w8

    I also don't want to sit 'like' everyone else. All this togetherness seems like a herd mentality


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  3. #3
    Unknown


    Because there's no available seat?
    Starflakes thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Speak for yourself, I don't sit with others because I don't like them.
    Starflakes thanked this post.

  5. #5
    Type 4w5

    I make a point of never assuming I'm welcome. Unless I know for certain I'm welcome, I'll usually be off by myself. I'd rather be absent and wanted than present and not wanted.
    Last edited by Starflakes; 01-12-2017 at 04:08 PM.
    bramble, moeslayer, Quernus and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    Type 4w5

    Quote Originally Posted by Starflakes View Post
    I'd rather be absent and wanted than present and not wanted.
    Lol this is actually such an apt thing to say, to summarize Four frustration in general.

    I don't know what the original post said but I know I do tend to not sit with everyone else. I literally forget that that's "rude", I think I'm doing them a favor by not assuming I'm welcome. IT ISN'T EVEN REALLY A SELF-DEGRADING THING, at least not in the moment, it's just like my underlying assumption is that I'm going to make it weird by interacting with people and that it's going to just be an overall embarrassing or pointless experience. This doesn't stop me from going and sitting, separately, even though in reality THAT is the weird thing to do; to me it just seems natural. I have a hard time integrating my narrative with social conventions I do not understand; I forget that just becaue I feel a certain way and know that I'm not doing something for rude reasons, that other people aren't going to just kinda "forget" how weird and rude I'm being. They'll notice. Then I notice that they notice, the weirdness increases and I feel self-conscious and it's all a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or it would be, if I were terribly interested in socializing, but I'm usually genuinely not, these days.

    I also sit away from people because I am overwhelmed easily and like to get my bearings. Also, if I'm going outside of my house for some reason, to a place where there are a lot of people, I honestly have some other purpose for being there because I rarely go out solely or primarily to socialize. And I get focused on the other reasons instead, and get really overwhelmed if I try to focus on socializing or tracking a side conversation on top of that. Sigh. I want to get better about all of this, though, only because I am now finally coming to understand a lot more about why I do what I do and I would like to challenge myself instead of just accepting what seems "natural". It may turn out that I decide I really am better off being as isolated as possible but I'd like to make sure before I commit to that lifestyle as more than just a habit.
    Starflakes thanked this post.

  7. #7
    Type 4w5

    I wouldn't want to be intrusive. Let's say I sit at a table of people with out being invited, I would feel unwelcome. There would be no point in being there, I would probably start to think about how much I'm bothering everyone there by being present... Would also try to read everyones body language to see if they give me any strange looks or try to communicate with the other people at the table.


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    bramble and Starflakes thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by JayShambles View Post
    I also don't want to sit 'like' everyone else. All this togetherness seems like a herd mentality


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    THIS. I want to sit with others and most of the time I do. I only don't when I'm feeling insecure. But in general I love people (slightly an ISFJ thing). What I don't want to do is sit like others. First of all, I feel like there's something about me that sets me apart as it is. Second, if I'm not unique than why do I even exist? What is my identity if it's already taken? What missing holes am I filling?

    I know though, sitting like others is a beautiful thing. No way of sitting is better than another, and the togetherness of them being all equal and the same gives me inner peace... the struggle is remembering this last part.

  9. #9
    Type 7w8

    Why 4's Don't Sit With Everyone Else

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDarknessInTheSnow View Post
    THIS. I want to sit with others and most of the time I do. I only don't when I'm feeling insecure. But in general I love people (slightly an ISFJ thing). What I don't want to do is sit like others. First of all, I feel like there's something about me that sets me apart as it is. Second, if I'm not unique than why do I even exist? What is my identity if it's already taken? What missing holes am I filling?

    I know though, sitting like others is a beautiful thing. No way of sitting is better than another, and the togetherness of them being all equal and the same gives me inner peace... the struggle is remembering this last part.
    Haha, you've practically deciphered the meaning behind what I posted.. I'm glad someone was understanding my perspective
    TheDarknessInTheSnow thanked this post.

  10. #10
    Type 4w5

    you guys basically explained it.

    -Being polite by not joining in since you weren't vocally invited in or was pursued to go and join in their group.
    -They feel like strangers, even the ones you have briefly acquainted with.
    -Not having the 'I can be friends with you' vibe.

    IDK. I just really wait for them to talk to me or i try to talk to them.
    Friend even say at at class, I'm really really quiet compared to when I'm with them on lunch time.
    TheDarknessInTheSnow and Starflakes thanked this post.


     
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