[sodden]

I like this short and sweet advice from The Everything Enneagram Book:



Self- Actualized Fours:

Surrender self-pity; perk up; express blossoming creativity; buckle down to get work done; complete projects; think less and act more; positively assert self; unconditionally love self; surrender fantasy, embrace reality; appreciate blessings; feel unique yet also very connected to others and to life; accept things as they are and enjoy life.

I've typed this up and put it next to my bathroom mirror so I'll read it a few times a day.

[au contraire]

I don't think it says to slog through hours of tedious, meaningless work until you are ready to scream. It says commit yourself to meaningful work. You decide what that is-its whatever gives your life meaning. Don't put it off. You should definitely take a break from tedious meaningless email work with clients-that frees you up for the meaningful work. But don't put off the email work so long that it piles up, either.

Easy for me to say.

Anyone else hate these Frankenstein smilies?

"Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." Commit yourself to productive, meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no matter how small the contribution may be. Working consistently in the real world will create a context in which you can discover yourself and your talents. (Actually, you are happiest when you are working—that is, activating your potentials and realizing yourself. You will not "find yourself" in a vacuum or while waiting for inspiration to strike, so connect—and stay connected—with the real world."

I think following this advice fully would indicate a real lack of balance and a serious deterioration in the quality of work I am capable of performing. I can force myself to sit at my desk for two hours, trying to answer tedious emails or handle billions of irritating little tasks my clients wanted done last week, or I can take care of myself, give myself a break and come back to it when my brain fog clears off a little and I can do it with my full focus and attention. Forcing myself to slog through stuff when I'm down seems to result in shoddy work.

[au contraire]

Think less and act more.

That's what I've been saying for a while. That's my favorite bit of 4 advice, and the most important IMO.

accept things as they are and enjoy life.

These must be balanced; trying to change things I can't accept, even when it seems hopeless, is one of the things that gives my life meaning. But taking time away from that odious chore to enjoy life is also necessary. I saw a great quote yesterday:

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve

the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it
hard to plan the day - Elwyn Brooks White

I like this short and sweet advice from The Everything Enneagram Book:

Self- Actualized Fours:

Surrender self-pity; perk up; express blossoming creativity; buckle down to get work done; complete projects; think less and act more; positively assert self; unconditionally love self; surrender fantasy, embrace reality; appreciate blessings; feel unique yet also very connected to others and to life; accept things as they are and enjoy life.

I've typed this up and put it next to my bathroom mirror so I'll read it a few times a day.

[aravis]

BUT I'M ENTITLED TO SIT AROUND ALL DAY AND WALLOW IN FANTASY AND SELF-PITY!!!

Just kidding. Really love the advice, @brainheart. It's so hard to put into motion sometimes, though.

[doris88]

That is one weird advice. It makes me so very rebellious. I know the author is partially right, very right, but I just can't accept that sort of change in me. I wish I could accept the meaningful advice, but I'm so afraid of losing my identity through this change.
Other that that, I don't understand or agree with some statements.

• one of the most important mistakes Fours make is to equate themselves with their feelings

What does it mean exactly? Do I do that? Don't everyone do that? I think that hyperaware Fours would be one of few types that would ever ask this question. How many people realize they have layers?

• Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you, as you probably already know.

Either I'm not really a Four and a Feeler (INFP) or someone is mistaking Fours for animals ruled by instinct. I base every decision on reason. I don't do unreasonable things. It's just the reasoning is very subjective, not factual, but not any worse because of it. Since Fours are pessimistic, I think we also tend to be realistic and avoid taking serious decision based solely on mood and hyperoptimism. Things can't get bad, right? So decisions need to be thought through really well. The asset of being a Feeling Four is that my decisions are always in accordance with my true feelings, which is a blessing. So I don't choose a career that my parents want me to take, etc. If I choose what to study, I won't care that medicine is a good profession if I FEEL I'm so not right for it. And I won't waste my years on studying.

• Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." Commit yourself to productive, meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no matter how small the contribution may be. Working consistently in the real world will create a context in which you can discover yourself and your talents. (Actually, you are happiest when you are working—that is, activating your potentials and realizing yourself. You will not "find yourself" in a vacuum or while waiting for inspiration to strike, so connect—and stay connected—with the real world.
• A wholesome self-discipline takes many forms, from sleeping regular hours to working regularly to exercising regularly, and has a cumulative, strengthening effect. Since it comes from yourself, a healthy self-discipline is not contrary to your freedom or individuality. On the other hand, sensuality, excessive sexual experiences, alcohol, drugs, sleep, or fantasizing have a debilitating effect on you, as you already know. Therefore, practice healthy self-discipline and stay with it.

These two pieces of advice make me quite nervous. I'm afraid of losing my identity. I know some level of self-discipline would benefit me. I know I'm more happy working. But I also know that overworking and overdiscipline is a straight road to depression and incurable apathy. You just feel so drained afterwards, and thinking of continuing to discipline yourself makes you shiver. I think ambition is a better drive for me. I'm one ambitious creature. And success afterwards is so sweet. But ambition without discipline is often not enough. Positive attitude is also very helpful. If I believe I'm perfectly capable of passing an exam, I'll prepare myself much better than when I'm pessimistic and anxious.

• Avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative, resentful, or even excessively romantic. These conversations are essentially unreal and at best only rehearsals for action—although, as you know, you almost never say or do what you imagine you will.

Now why would I stop doing that? Usually it's just fun. Sometimes it's really helpful, when I can "imagine" I'm getting emotional support or acceptance or forgiveness. Sometimes, but very rarely, negative visions feel like a bad dream for a few minutes or hours but they aren't really bringing me down. And I'm never disappointed with the actual conversations later on.

• Instead of spending time imagining your life and relationships, begin to live them.

No! As I said before, I can't accept the change. I would never deal my imagination for reality even though I know I'd be probably happier. I prefer being me to being happy. I have no idea what the solution is, but being dissatisfied with reality is a drive for me. And lowering expectations, resigning from ideals and taking things as they are may mean suicide at 40 when the realization strikes - "I'm not who I wanted to be and I live someone else's life".

[clodia]

I think that jungian therapy may be very promising with helping one to get over the unhealthy ego manifest stage

[Nobleheart]

Be very careful what personas you try on. They might get stuck.

[Jharaiz]

Personal Growth Recommendations
for Enneagram Type Fours

• Avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative, resentful, or even excessively romantic. These conversations are essentially unreal and at best only rehearsals for action—although, as you know, you almost never say or do what you imagine you will. Instead of spending time imagining your life and relationships, begin to live them.

Personal Growth for Enneagram Type Fours

This 'imaginative' side of romanticism affected me greatly... 'Tis hard to put to scorn Romanticism when you pursue the idea of it so passionately it becomes romantic in itself, no so much the objects of desire but the idea of romance in itself.


Thank you @Drake for putting it into perspective for me, helping me realize that this was a preventive factor in Type Four Growth.

[Jharaiz]

Fantastic advice!!!! I was just starting to doubt it after a few hyped comments ha. Cheeers!

[peevish.INFP]

Personal Growth Recommendations
for Enneagram Type Fours

• Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you, as you probably already know. Remember this advice: "From our present perspective, we can also see that one of the most important mistakes Fours make is to equate themselves with their feelings. The fallacy is that to understand themselves they must understand their feelings, particularly their negative ones, before acting. Fours do not see that the self is not the same as its feelings or that the presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves" (Personality Types, p. 172). Always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that.
• Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." Commit yourself to productive, meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no matter how small the contribution may be. Working consistently in the real world will create a context in which you can discover yourself and your talents. (Actually, you are happiest when you are working—that is, activating your potentials and realizing yourself. You will not "find yourself" in a vacuum or while waiting for inspiration to strike, so connect—and stay connected—with the real world.
• Self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences, whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them. Therefore, put yourself in the way of good. You may never feel that you are ready to take on a challenge of some sort, that you always need more time. (Fours typically never feel that they are sufficiently "together," but they must nevertheless have the courage to stop putting off their lives.) Even if you start small, commit yourself to doing something that will bring out the best in you.
• A wholesome self-discipline takes many forms, from sleeping regular hours to working regularly to exercising regularly, and has a cumulative, strengthening effect. Since it comes from yourself, a healthy self-discipline is not contrary to your freedom or individuality. On the other hand, sensuality, excessive sexual experiences, alcohol, drugs, sleep, or fantasizing have a debilitating effect on you, as you already know. Therefore, practice healthy self-discipline and stay with it.
• Avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative, resentful, or even excessively romantic. These conversations are essentially unreal and at best only rehearsals for action—although, as you know, you almost never say or do what you imagine you will. Instead of spending time imagining your life and relationships, begin to live them.

Personal Growth for Enneagram Type Fours

I should probably paint these on my ceiling so they can be the first things on my mind when I start my day and the last things I see before I go to bed... It sounds so easy but EFSDAKFHIASHFODHSFGSD:GHOSDG