Type 4 - The Romantic

Type 4 - The Romantic

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This is a discussion on Type 4 - The Romantic within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; Type Four - The Romantic Fours are motivated by the need to understand their feelings, to search for what is ...

  1. #1
    Type 9

    Type 4 - The Romantic

    Type Four - The Romantic

    Fours are motivated by the need to understand their feelings, to search for what is missing and for what life means, and to avoid being ordinary. They are "romantic" in the sense of having an imaginative or artistic view about their own personality.

    Twos, Threes, and Fours constitute the heart center of the Enneagram. Fours need to express their feelings and need to be seen as special. Since they compare reality with what could be, they find fault with who they are and what they have.

    Fours at their BEST are:

    • Individualistic
    • Perceptive
    • Expressive
    • Creative
    • Warm
    • Supportive
    • Refined
    • Compassionate
    • Gentle
    • Witty

    Fours at their WORST are:

    • Temperamental
    • Withdrawn
    • Self-absorbed
    • Envious
    • Emotionally needy
    • Easily hurt
    • Snobbish
    • Depressed
    • Critical
    • Self-indulgent

    What a Four would say about himself:

    "People are attracted to me for my creativity, warmth, and depth of feelings. I am in touch with the sorrowful and tragic aspects of life. Being misunderstood is especially painful to me. I long, or have longed, for the perfect soul mate to come along. I am, or have been, attracted to unattainable, unavailable, or inappropriate people. I am supportive and compassionate, especially when someone is in a crisis. Life seems terribly mundane and boring at times. I easily soak up others' pain. I sometimes feel melancholy; I pity myself and long for what others have that I do not have. I am drawn to what is intense and out of the ordinary. I have many dreams and ideals, but sometimes I have a hard time actualizing them. I feel things more deeply than the average person and suspect those who always act happy. I have a rich and active imagination and like to put things together in new ways. I have a flair for clothes and enjoy looking off-beat. I often feel self-conscious. I believe I am flawed at a deep level. It has been difficult to find a relationship in which I really feel loved. Sometimes my love interest or partner seems more attractive to me when he or she is away. I try to hold my feelings back so they won't scare people off. I have been or have felt abandoned."

    Fours with a strong Three wing (4w3) tend to be energetic, active, outgoing, competitive, ambitious, attention-seeking, and elitist. They often are more lively.

    Fours with a strong Five wing (4w5) tend to be objective, quiet, unconventional, original, enigmatic, alienated, pessimistic, analytical, and withdrawn. They often are more responsible with a more contemplative or intellectual personality.

    Occasionally, people present the persona of one of their wings - rather than their actual type - to the outside world.

    Things Fours Would Never Dream of Doing...

    • Describing their twenty-page journal entry to their partner in two minutes
    • Finding the decor of a room offensive and ignoring it
    • Overhearing spiteful accusations and gossip about themselves, laughing it off lightly, and not dropping in their self-esteem level
    • Receiving a terrible review of their performance by the only critic they respect and not getting depressed
    • Not giving one moment's thought to finding a unique outfit to wear on their date with the person of their dreams
    • Deciding that thirty minutes is more than enough time to lament over the end of a relationship
    • Feeling totally proud of their mundane job
    • Talking about only the happy events from their childhood, and even if they think of only one, repeating that one over and over

    How to Get Along with Fours:

    • Appreciate their creativity, perception, and depth of feeling
    • Don't push them to socialize, especially the Introverted Fours
    • Acknowledge their feelings and changing moods, and be honest about how these affect you
    • Encourage them to collect more information when they feel offended to see if there was a misunderstanding
    • Show your love frequently
    • Keep in mind that criticism can activate their feels of shame
    • But remember, it is not good for anyone to be controlled by moods or fragility
    • Be honest in a caring way about how it affects you when they are unrealistic, overly sensitive, or have their heads in the clouds
    • Don't offer easy solutions for their pain
    • Try to lighten them up only when they truly want you to do so
    • Be understanding about their need to process and express their feelings

    How to Give Fours Extra Support:
    • Help them feel safe about expressing their intense feelings and anger
    • Try to be strong and stay centered when they do their push-pull game. Be honest about how you feel about this, however.
    • Understand their need for independence and autonomy
    • Encourage them to take pleasure in the present, to be creative (through writing, art, music, dance, etc.,), and to put their work out into the world
    • Encourage them to find a meaningful career where they can use their compassion

    -Excepts from "Are You My Type, Am I Yours?" by Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

    I am by no means an expert, but I do have this book and thought others might find it interesting. There is more info regarding how each type view/relate/get along with the other eight types, and I might add that too, although probably in a separate thread.
    Happy, Surreal Breakfast, leiroz and 132 others thanked this post.

  2. #2

    Thanks for sharing this info
    esq thanked this post.

  3. #3
    Type 9

    Quote Originally Posted by Surreal Breakfast View Post
    Thanks for sharing this info
    Not a problem. I figured that if it was helpful for me and so many others here were puzzled by the Enneagram, that I could share it with everyone. ^_^

  4. #4
    Type 9w1

    Thanks for that :)

    Love the new avi, by the way ^^

  5. #5
    Type 9

    Quote Originally Posted by Liontiger View Post
    Thanks for that :)

    Love the new avi, by the way ^^
    No problem. I'm excited, I only have types 8 and 9 left! xD

    Me too, I love the pandas! ^_^ Your avi always inspires me somehow, does that make sense?

  6. #6
    Type 9w1

    Quote Originally Posted by imru2 View Post
    No problem. I'm excited, I only have types 8 and 9 left! xD

    Me too, I love the pandas! ^_^ Your avi always inspires me somehow, does that make sense?
    Well, he is posed rather inspiringly. He's looking up towards the sky, like if he tries hard enough he can accomplish anything ^^
    imru2 thanked this post.

  7. #7

    very useful information.

    Imru2, I was just wondering whats your Enneagram type?

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Crystalview View Post
    very useful information.

    Imru2, I was just wondering whats your Enneagram type?
    I was just wondering the same thing. xD

    Anyways, thanks for posting the info. 8)

    I'm still trying to figure out what type I am. x-x MellowMarcello said I was an 9w1, but I feel like I might either be a 4w5 or a 5w4. It's majorly confusing. :p

    Ahh well.

  9. #9
    Type 9w1

    Quote Originally Posted by So Long So Long View Post
    I'm still trying to figure out what type I am. x-x MellowMarcello said I was an 9w1, but I feel like I might either be a 4w5 or a 5w4. It's majorly confusing. :p

    Ahh well.
    I'm having the same issue. Why can't I just be 4 and 5. I find them equally fitting
    mushr00m thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Liontiger View Post
    I'm having the same issue. Why can't I just be 4 and 5. I find them equally fitting

    And this didn't help;

    Intellectual Fours tend to mistakenly type themselves as Fives, and a heavy wing can certainly exacerbate this tendency. Fours however, unlike Fives, tend to be self-revealing and comfortable with emotional expression.
    It just made me ask more questions. lol. Like, what do they mean by 'Intellectual'? And emotional expression? Does it have to be a spoken emotional expression?

    I think I'm going to have to do some more research.

    Or maybe I'll just make a list of how I relate to both of them or something. Kind of like a pro and con list, I suppose.


    Attention/coping strategy: Protecting yourself from intrusion and demands by cutting off feelings. Focusing attention on intrusions and detaching to observe. Becoming self-sufficient, seeking privacy, limiting desires.
    I do detach a lot and cut away from my feelings. Usually it involves more-so running away from the situation, though. But I don't do it as much anymore. Instead I'll usually just break away from the feeling, try to forget it, or 'numb' that part of me and then continue doing whatever it was that I was doing before, but I notice that when I watch how people act around me after I do this... it's kind of odd. They just act weird around me and I wish I knew why.

    Attention/coping strategy: Searching for the ideal love or circumstances that will make you feel loved, whole and complete again. Putting attention on intense feelings concerning that which you view as important and missing.
    I do feel like I'm missing something or not complete, but I don't like to put that much attention on those types of feelings, at least not all the time. Sometimes I like to feel sad, but it's more of a creative outlook. When I'm content or happy I don't write as well, but when I'm melancholy... well it's easier to write and my writing's usually better. But after I've written something, or painted, or whatever... I give away with the feelings. Is that, in away, emotional expression? It's more physical and less verbal, but yeah.


    I think in a way both of them involve searching for something.

    One is searching for something that will make the four whole again, while another is searching for knowledge, and the ability to be just fine by himself. The four wants to be extraordinary, un-ordinary and the five just doesn't want to be seen as useless, or I suppose in a broader term - the five doesn't want to be a failure.

    And then this is where I come in:

    - I am independent.
    - I am creative.
    - I am not that rational or logical, but - I can be.
    - I am on a search for completeness, but at the same time I want to be able to understand everything. I follow the rule that I suppose you can't acquire the knowledge of everything that's out there, but you can definitely understand everything. After all, you don't have to know everything about one thing just to understand it - It only takes a little bit of knowledge.
    - I love doing research and discovering some random tidbit of information.
    - However, I don't like things that I can't relate back to my real-life or anything that I'm going to do in the future.
    - I like being sad at times and I do see the beauty, tragedy and everything in between it, but I only like being sad for certain spans of times and only for my writing.
    - I just plan like to think.
    - I'd rather observe someone and learn everything I can about them instead of having an awkward two hour conversation with them and not even learning what the persons first name is.
    - I want to feel special and unique - I want to be the exception and I want everyone to know it.
    - At the same time, though, I really wish I was invisible and that nobody noticed me... Which is almost true, actually. lol.

    Ahh, I am such a contradiction, I swear.

    Anyways, I know I'm one or the other... Just have to figure out which one is stronger than the other, I suppose.

    -Sorry for taking up space :x-

    This was more for my sake than anything else, but if anybody wants to jump in... I'm fine with that.
    Last edited by So Long So Long; 07-07-2009 at 08:34 PM.
    Happy, alexis, manicpixiedreamgirl and 5 others thanked this post.

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