[perennialurker]

Just out of curiousity. Are all 4's as crazy (in the bad way) as the enneagram descriptions all seem to describe them; i.e. being horribly emotionally volatile and never being satisfied with their relationships/identity/life? Please understand that this is coming from someone who is admittedly quite ignorant about enneagram and type 4 and would like to hear the 4s' perspectives (not as an attack on 4's). Have any 4's had geniunely satisfying long-term relationships, what were they like, and if so what (if anything) ended them?

[Lady K]

Well.. I can say from personal experience that a lot of my relationships have been pretty emotionally volatile. They never start out that way though. I think they tend to go downhill because my expectations are not met, and I realize that I'm in a dead end relationship. It makes me irritable and confused because I hate to break things off, even though I know I should. I can see why people would think that dating a 4 is crazy - I think most of us have pretty high ideals, and not having them met probably makes many of us pretty.. emotional.

I feel that I am at a time of emotional growth though. I'm hoping that the next time I enter into a serious relationship, it's going to be better. I'm more in control of my emotions, and more willing to think things through. It's a good feeling, and I think it will make things much easier in terms of having a relationship with someone.

[VivaCohen]

I feel that I am at a time of emotional growth though. I'm hoping that the next time I enter into a serious relationship, it's going to be better. I'm more in control of my emotions, and more willing to think things through. It's a good feeling, and I think it will make things much easier in terms of having a relationship with someone.

This, pretty much. I think it has less to do with type and more to do with whether or not you're a healthy 4 or an unhealthy 4 (or whatever type you are)... so, no, I don't think (I hope) we're not all crazy in relationships lol

From my own experience I would say that yes we can be crazy when we're not happy in ourselves, but quite sane when we're sane and complete in ourselves... but like I said, I think its the same for any person regardless of type.

[Tent Revue]

Fours aren't any more or less crazy in relationships than any other type. I think the Levels of Health and Instinctual Variants of BOTH people in the relationship determine how much crazy will surface, far more than one person's primary type.

I'm new so I can't post links yet, but search for "Enneagram Institute," and on that website read up on Levels of Health and Instinctual Variants. There's also an "Enneagram Blog" with some really good information about all this.

[Aquarian22]

Just out of curiousity. Are all 4's as crazy (in the bad way) as the enneagram descriptions all seem to describe them; i.e. being horribly emotionally volatile and never being satisfied with their relationships/identity/life? Please understand that this is coming from someone who is admittedly quite ignorant about enneagram and type 4 and would like to hear the 4s' perspectives (not as an attack on 4's). Have any 4's had geniunely satisfying long-term relationships, what were they like, and if so what (if anything) ended them?

Hello Aquarian22 there. I'm an ENFJ responding to your question about the #4 Ennagram position.

Relating "my take" about your question about the Individualist Personality (as a self-taught astrologer) I can tell you that that my strong need for Independence/Freedom comes from my mother's " Post Traumatic" Birthing of ME (which occurred six weeks after Pearl Harbor.) According to the story, I was stuck in Utereo for 72 hours! Don't know if its true or not. I was her First Born. She was the youngest of four other siblings and living 300 miles away from all of them, and she was in no space to be a mother.

So I have a personal History of "Emotional Neglect"... no hugging, conversation, etc with either parent though I was suffocated physically with so many rules, expectations, growing up. I was not allowed to think for myself, and don't think I had a single creative thought until I was 35. NOW.... my mind races with great ideas and what's been labeled and "invasive", co-dependent personality.

Lots of therapy and self-help books, workshops etc have helped me, but relationships have always been unstable because I outgrow my partners IF/WHEN I can't connect with them intellectually/emotionally. A please-er, I often give
men the wrong impression because of my excellent my communication skills (Aquarian, that I am) My idea of Love is
Humanitarian ... I'm just beginning to understand how I often cause mis-understandings with my personal, informal approach (to men, especially.)

Does this help?

[HonourThyCat]

Well, I'd ask my ex, but he's currently gagged and bound in my attic so...

[lirulin]

Most enneagram descriptions sound really unhealthy to me, actually. That's why I like them - constructive criticism! I find they give a useful perspective - but a generally more negative one than mbti for each and every number.

[Tent Revue]

Yeah, Enneagram gives a lot of attention to the unpleasant aspects of us all. Riso & Hudson's book "Personality Types" could lead you to believe you're well on your way to murder, drug addiction, and suicide, no matter what your type.

[Decoy24601]

all but one of my relationships were emotionaly volatile. My current relationship has, so far, lasted almost 4 months. We have no expectations of the other because we're all each other could want. Now the other relationships went downhill fast.

[RAWRBUNNYRABBIT]

Immaturity causes craziness in relationships. Not enneagram type.