[Enneagram Type 4] All type 4's crazy in relationships?

All type 4's crazy in relationships?

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This is a discussion on All type 4's crazy in relationships? within the Type 4 Forum - The Individualist forums, part of the Heart Triad - Types 2,3,4 category; Just out of curiousity. Are all 4's as crazy (in the bad way) as the enneagram descriptions all seem to ...

  1. #1

    All type 4's crazy in relationships?

    Just out of curiousity. Are all 4's as crazy (in the bad way) as the enneagram descriptions all seem to describe them; i.e. being horribly emotionally volatile and never being satisfied with their relationships/identity/life? Please understand that this is coming from someone who is admittedly quite ignorant about enneagram and type 4 and would like to hear the 4s' perspectives (not as an attack on 4's). Have any 4's had geniunely satisfying long-term relationships, what were they like, and if so what (if anything) ended them?
    Dauntless, IndyGhost2010, Diamondeyes and 4 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Type 4

    Well.. I can say from personal experience that a lot of my relationships have been pretty emotionally volatile. They never start out that way though. I think they tend to go downhill because my expectations are not met, and I realize that I'm in a dead end relationship. It makes me irritable and confused because I hate to break things off, even though I know I should. I can see why people would think that dating a 4 is crazy - I think most of us have pretty high ideals, and not having them met probably makes many of us pretty.. emotional.

    I feel that I am at a time of emotional growth though. I'm hoping that the next time I enter into a serious relationship, it's going to be better. I'm more in control of my emotions, and more willing to think things through. It's a good feeling, and I think it will make things much easier in terms of having a relationship with someone.
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  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady K View Post

    I feel that I am at a time of emotional growth though. I'm hoping that the next time I enter into a serious relationship, it's going to be better. I'm more in control of my emotions, and more willing to think things through. It's a good feeling, and I think it will make things much easier in terms of having a relationship with someone.
    This, pretty much. I think it has less to do with type and more to do with whether or not you're a healthy 4 or an unhealthy 4 (or whatever type you are)... so, no, I don't think (I hope) we're not all crazy in relationships lol

    From my own experience I would say that yes we can be crazy when we're not happy in ourselves, but quite sane when we're sane and complete in ourselves... but like I said, I think its the same for any person regardless of type.
    Lady K, Shades, jbking and 1 others thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Fours aren't any more or less crazy in relationships than any other type. I think the Levels of Health and Instinctual Variants of BOTH people in the relationship determine how much crazy will surface, far more than one person's primary type.

    I'm new so I can't post links yet, but search for "Enneagram Institute," and on that website read up on Levels of Health and Instinctual Variants. There's also an "Enneagram Blog" with some really good information about all this.
    Lady K, unico, Invidia and 2 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by perennialurker View Post
    Just out of curiousity. Are all 4's as crazy (in the bad way) as the enneagram descriptions all seem to describe them; i.e. being horribly emotionally volatile and never being satisfied with their relationships/identity/life? Please understand that this is coming from someone who is admittedly quite ignorant about enneagram and type 4 and would like to hear the 4s' perspectives (not as an attack on 4's). Have any 4's had geniunely satisfying long-term relationships, what were they like, and if so what (if anything) ended them?
    Hello Aquarian22 there. I'm an ENFJ responding to your question about the #4 Ennagram position.

    Relating "my take" about your question about the Individualist Personality (as a self-taught astrologer) I can tell you that that my strong need for Independence/Freedom comes from my mother's " Post Traumatic" Birthing of ME (which occurred six weeks after Pearl Harbor.) According to the story, I was stuck in Utereo for 72 hours! Don't know if its true or not. I was her First Born. She was the youngest of four other siblings and living 300 miles away from all of them, and she was in no space to be a mother.

    So I have a personal History of "Emotional Neglect"... no hugging, conversation, etc with either parent though I was suffocated physically with so many rules, expectations, growing up. I was not allowed to think for myself, and don't think I had a single creative thought until I was 35. NOW.... my mind races with great ideas and what's been labeled and "invasive", co-dependent personality.

    Lots of therapy and self-help books, workshops etc have helped me, but relationships have always been unstable because I outgrow my partners IF/WHEN I can't connect with them intellectually/emotionally. A please-er, I often give
    men the wrong impression because of my excellent my communication skills (Aquarian, that I am) My idea of Love is
    Humanitarian ... I'm just beginning to understand how I often cause mis-understandings with my personal, informal approach (to men, especially.)

    Does this help?
    wittyfool, thesleepybean and la_di_da thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Well, I'd ask my ex, but he's currently gagged and bound in my attic so...
    Viktoria, Starflakes, Lady K and 30 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    Type 1


    Most enneagram descriptions sound really unhealthy to me, actually. That's why I like them - constructive criticism! I find they give a useful perspective - but a generally more negative one than mbti for each and every number.
    Lady K, ponyjoyride, Invidia and 5 others thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Yeah, Enneagram gives a lot of attention to the unpleasant aspects of us all. Riso & Hudson's book "Personality Types" could lead you to believe you're well on your way to murder, drug addiction, and suicide, no matter what your type.
    Lady K, paradanmellow, WindowLicker and 7 others thanked this post.

  9. #9

    all but one of my relationships were emotionaly volatile. My current relationship has, so far, lasted almost 4 months. We have no expectations of the other because we're all each other could want. Now the other relationships went downhill fast.
    SilverMoon and la_di_da thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Immaturity causes craziness in relationships. Not enneagram type.


 
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