This is my first post here. This forum looks great. I look forward to contributing.
I stumbled across the Enneagram just recently and it has intrigued me quite a bit. I was aware of the Myers-Briggs types in which I am an INFP, but I had only vaguely heard of the Enneagram. I was told by Christian zealous parents that the Enneagram was 'New Age', whatever that means, so I avoided it. After doing the full Enneagram questionnaire I was surprised at the results. It has taken a fair bit of reading to relate the finding of being a Type 4w5 with who I am.
Something I have struggled with in my life is feeling shame and bouts of melancholy. When I saw these are common for Type 4 I was surprised at the accuracy. What I couldn't work out (and what I've wondered for ages) is what are the triggers that make me feel shame and depression. I came to this resolution today. Please, tell me what your thoughts are:
Anger turned inward is depression; it is the manifestation of self-rejection. Depression results from not being the person I wish to be. I have lost hope and don’t believe I can obtain the qualities in others that I dream to be. This is envy! I wish I could have what others have. In imagining a self in the future I become anxious as I try desperately to define who I am, and who I am not by comparing with the features of others. I feel ashamed for not meeting my own high standards as set by the ideal version of myself that I envisage. The more I contemplate about my alleged deficiencies, the more I feel shame and depression.
Escape from this prison is possible, but first I must transform the way that I perceive myself. I must remember who I really am. I must remember that I come from the Source of all creation. I am not unique or different in any bad or good way. I am made of the same stuff everyone else is made of. We share the same world, same reality, same human body, same everything. It is the illusion that we are different that keeps me bound in isolation. In knowing my essence I reunite with everyone and everything.