[quadrivium]

Sucking up to me means a falsification or an exaggeration used for motives other than simple human interactions, perhaps self serving or attention seeking.

I did as a child. I was a weird kid and everyone including myself knew it. Over compensated by trying to align myself with teachers, which never really worked out for me. Ironically I only became teacher's pet in my final years of college, at which point these practices have been long abandoned.

I don't actively do it now, but I've noticed I've come off that way at times. I don't care to seem disingenuous so this is a difficult realization for me.

I let my work speak for itself. I am more of the mindset of bartering: I will do this but I need you to do this. Stroking someone's ego would make me feel a little sick inside I think. I'm typically pretty charming once a person gets to know me too so I've never had to go out of my way.



I always have trouble describing my work experience because I'm currently in an industry I have no passion or knowledge on. The little upward mobility I did have I achieved only to have the department closed down six months later so I think my answers to these things are a little biased. In short: my job has never been worth my dignity. But a better career in an industry that I care about... hm I might fight more dirty in that situation.

[mpobrien]

I like that a lot ! :)

I figured you would, haha :P.

I've seen social 3s (so/sx) try to suck up to those who they see as authority and just completely re-mold their personality in attempts to play up to whatever role or image that this authority thought of as successful. It was really fake, but surprisingly those in authority didn't see it until the social 3 got disenchanted with them and tricked them right under their noses before departing elsewhere. It was amusing and sad to watch at the same time. I have also seen phobic 6s, sp and so-firsts, do some major sucking up. Unlike 3s they often keep to whichever figure(s) they've attached themselves to for a long while, even at their own expense.

I've (so/sp 3) done this a LOT. In my opinion, once I'm disenchanted with my boss and realize I'm probably leaving my job I'll try my hardest to make it a clean cut and drop the charm on everyone at the job, not just the boss.

[Jawz]

For me, pretty much every action we do in order to endear ourself to someone else, or attain success can be seen as sucking up by someone else. Until and unless we go by the book and try to attain everything methodically --- but if we did that, then we'd be no better than everyone else who's also "just doing their jobs" ... For me personally, the idea of "just doing my job" doesn't compute. I have to compete for my success -- and even though I don't do it in a manner that could be directly seen as "sucking up" ---- the minute I decide to work during my lunch hour, or stay an hour late --- that IS still sucking up - at least to me.


If I didn't do little things that set me apart, how the heck would I compete with others if I just did what everyone else did? That would be so ... common .. typical ... boring. I need to bring attention to my work. I need recognition for it. So even doing the best job I can possibly do is sucking up. The only thing that isn't sucking up for me is taking the job description and using it as a sort of checklist ...


For me, the idea that "Oh, I did everythng I was supposed to do" means that I will rise --- but rise at a pace JUST like everyone else --- and that is unacceptable. I want to be on the fast-track -- I want to rise fast --- and therefore I do what I can.


Yeah .. I don't suck up by what would be seen as "favours" or whatever -- but I do suck up by being better than the best at what I do. I suck up by showing up for extra days on the job, by putting in over-time. Anything above and beyond the call of duty is a form of endearment to the management and therefore in my personal opinion sucking up.


Heh .. I had a feeling 3's wouldn't be agreement over this issue and I like all the responses so far.


The things that I won't do are:


- Personal favours
- Flattery and flirting [though I do openly flirt with female clients -- especially when I know that they're expecting it and will respond in kind]
- Personal gifts out of my own pocket [though I always kept a marketing budget for give aways for clients and stakeholders]
- Bribery
- Sexual favours [goes without saying]


A lot of things are fair game -- and a form of sucking up in my opinion ;)

[Marlowe]

What does "sucking up" mean to you?

A: Saying things/acting against your own normative behavior for the appeasement of others.

Based on your definition of it -- have you ever willingly indulged in sucking up to get ahead?

A: No. I'm way too rigid in my personal beliefs to roll over for the next person who walks through the door.

Given the opportunity where it won't reflect poorly on you in any way, would you?

A: No. It doesn't matter if it doesn't reflect poorly on me-- it's not about others' perceptions. I know I backed down and that makes me the loser no matter what I gain.

How far are you willing to go for your superiors for your professional success?

A: If I respect my superiors, I work hard for them. I believe my work ethic is a reflection of my appreciative nature (probably a Fi thing, but I don't like to say thanks aloud to those I appreciate. i'm big on actions doing the speaking.) That being said, I will be strategic about when and where to voice my opinions.

Hmmm...but as to how far I will go for my superiors for my success? As far as it takes so long as my boundaries are not crossed.

---

Ok .. let's change the word from "sucking up" to doing small things for success like [answer with a yes or no if you like]:

- Adding and communicating with bosses on FB and wishing them on special occasions No
- Driving to their house with a small birthday gift No. That would get me fired.
- Taking on extra work like volunteering for additional projects Yes. I believe it gives me more opportunites to showcase my abilities.
- Inviting them out to expensive lunches I'm poor, so no.
- Visit their office every morning just to say "Hi" and make up stuff to talk about along the way.I do this because I'm social.
- Be ever-present when the boss is around Hah. No. I'm wherever I need to be doing whatever is important, boss or no boss.
- Look busy do nothing I'm never doing nothing. I'm just doing something that isn't work related.
- Exaggerate in verbal / written progress reports to make it sound like you had to go an extra mile No. I understate my qualities more often than not. I do not like to talk about my accomplishments with others unless it's a story that entertains them.

Funny thing, though. I know a 3w2 who made taking out the trash sound like a special administrative duty on his resume. He loaded his resume with exaggerations and half truths-- which proved to his benefit. I both admire and laugh at the audacity of it. Definitely not something I would do.

[Jawz]

Funny thing, though. I know a 3w2 who made taking out the trash sound like a special administrative duty on his resume. He loaded his resume with exaggerations and half truths-- which proved to his benefit. I both admire and laugh at the audacity of it. Definitely not something I would do.[/B]

Yeah ... I've noticed many 3's have a habit of exaggeration ... even I do. I think passion and 3's really go together .. even though a 3 may 'just' be a trash collector ... in his/her mind *if* he/she likes what he/she is doing, they're job is desribed as something like

- Giving back to the community through environment pollution control via waste disposal management
- Introduced new systems of waste disposal by mapping out most efficient route to disposal units which improved overall efficency of the company
- Through contributions to the company's waste disposal systems, the organization met Safety and Health standards 3 years running

And that's what it really is ... isn't it?

[Ace Face]

I'm often perceived as a kiss-ass... a suck-up. The thing is though, I'm not doing those things in order to gain personal benefit. I do them because I want to ^.^ I like making other people feel good and making things easier on them.

[Boss]

What does "sucking up" mean to you?

"Sucking up" means being a fuckin sycophant who can't quite get ahead on the basis of his/her own merit. It means making insincere flattering comments that you think will aid your progress through the ranks. The fact is most people can pick up on anything fake, so unless you're really clever about it, don't even try.


Based on your definition of it -- have you ever willingly indulged in sucking up to get ahead?
I've done a lot to get ahead, but being a sniveling sycophant was not part of my arsenal. I am pleasant with people I work with, and I treat them with respect. Other than that, I want my work to speak for itself. I want to be known for my skills and expertise and not for being the sucking up type.


Given the opportunity where it won't reflect poorly on you in any way, would you?

I'll be honest with you. I can give genuine compliments to people when they deserve it. But, I have, over time, become more skeptical of complimenting Bosses, sincere though I may be, because some of them have seemed rather paranoid. LOL. With the level-headed balanced type of people, I am more open to sincerely appreciating their work/contribution/understanding nature or what have you. I just time it right, don't overdo it and mean it. "Sucking up" is not it.

How far are you willing to go for your superiors for your professional success?
I don't go too far for my 'superiors'. Most of these 'superiors' tend to become uncomfortable after a while because they can sense I am eying their position. I can then tone down my overwhelming drive to appear harmless and friendly. In case they're going through a personal crisis or really need help, I can be very accommodating and helpful out of genuine concern as I'd be with anyone else. It's give and take. You have to maintain that balance for practicality sake, as well. Other than that, I don't bend over backwards for Bosses and shit.
And, I've done pretty damn well for a 23 year old;). So, while my strategies can be improved upon, a mix of honesty, some charm and genuineness seem to have worked.

---

Ok .. let's change the word from "sucking up" to doing small things for success like [answer with a yes or no if you like]:

- Adding and communicating with bosses on FB and wishing them on special occasions

Well, on my professional fb account, yes. I don't have Bosses on my private account. But, I only wish them on important occasions.

- Driving to their house with a small birthday gift

No, not unless the Boss has done me a similar favour in the past or managed to really...really earn my respect (which is very rare). Also, I'd do this only for an older lady/gentleman as a courtesy. Though, I've never done this. It's unlikely that I'd do this, but it's a remote possibility. A lot would depend on the organizational culture of the company, as well.

- Taking on extra work like volunteering for additional projects
Sometimes. This is a good strategy. It allows me to showcase my skills.

- Inviting them out to expensive lunches
LOFL. Not usually. This sounds cheap. If I were to achieve groundbreaking success, I'd invite the Boss to lunch along with other office staff. But, I won't just invite a bitch to expensive lunches for no reason.

- Visit their office every morning just to say "Hi" and make up stuff to talk about along the way.
No fuckin way.The making up stuff to talk about part is really cheesy, and a Boss with half a brain would pick up on the flattery anyway. The greeting..I do it sometimes.

- Be ever-present when the boss is around
NO :D
- Look busy do nothing
Oh yes
- Exaggerate in verbal / written progress reports to make it sound like you had to go an extra mile
Yes, in moderation and within reason

[quadrivium]

@Boss you've eloquently worded how I feel about sucking up. Thank you.
Also, if that's you in your avatar, you are incredibly beautiful. And no, I am not sucking up ;) Just saying it like it is.

[Boss]

Yes, that's me:)
And, you're very welcome. I didn't think you were sucking up lol.

[quadrivium]

I was half-way joking, trying to be ironic. We have some good looking people in the 3 forum.