[L]

I've recently realised that the main reason that I've never put forth any effort into school is because I want somebody to notice. I have never felt like I have ever accomplished anything in my whole life, this saddens me. I also took another hard look into why I don't ever try at anything, it is because that it seems as though everytime I ever put forth any effort into something that effort falls short, I'm never good enough it seems. This made me adopt the behaviour to not care anymore, for a time it seemed that it worked, I did this first in school and my grades actually improved slightly, at first anyway. I started doing this to the extent that I just wanted somebody to notice me, somebody to atleast attempt to help me, to prove that they cared atleast a little.

On my birthday I had only 12 people wish me a happy birthday on facebook. I had 40 friends on facebook at the time and only 12 people wished me a happy birthday. This really unsettled me. I always made sure to wish others a happy birthday, I am a nice person, always making other laugh. In fact I'm really just repeating what I've said on this thread now, so I won't get too far off subject.

I guess that I have to live for myself, nobody else seems to care much about me. For some of you others out there, how did you get passed this? I feel as though I've hit a wall. All of the accomplishments in the world won't mean much if nobody else will ever care.

I recently deactivated my facebook yet again. I'm done trying to make friends really, you guys on PerC are probably my closest friends, and I don't know much about any of you.

Right now while typing this I wonder if I'm just being whiney, or being a crybaby. I just don't really know what to do anymore.

I feel so lost....

[Adesi]

I don't know if this helps. I wish I could help more anyway. I think to really be happy giving to others, you have to do it without expecting anything in return, and just be happy to give. I know that may sound cheesy, but I try to tell myself every day that "I'll help others without expecting anything in return" (along with other things I tell myself).

I wouldn't get too worried about the FB thing. Some people just don't pay much attention to it, or just don't wish anyone a happy birthday through it. So you shouldn't feel like it's a personal shortcoming on your part. It's just kind of the way it is. 12/40 sounds pretty good to me, actually!

I'm not a 3, but I have read that you guys can become apathetic and withdrawn like a 9 when feeling down? It sounds like that's what is going on with you.

Maybe you can find a goal that affects others? Like, right now you are thinking about your personal accomplishments, and wanting others to notice those? But what if you thought about how you could use your accomplishments to affect others? Like for school, what would you do with your degree? Would you open a business that could foster a community or create jobs? Would you be able to provide to others in a way that would be appreciated? Would you be able to teach? I think whatever you can do, you can have an impact on others. I guess sometimes it just helps to hear "Good job" or "Thank you." Sometimes people just don't express their appreciation though.

Like I said in the beginning, I don't know if any of that will help, but I hope it can.


Your post reminds me of this song:

[Popinjay]

Feeling shitty =/= Whining

When I'm in a depressed mood state, I tend to have irrational/emotional thinking. I'm sure you've accomplished many things in your life but in your current mood state you see them as inconsequential and so belittle your own accomplishments...I do the exact same thing when I'm down.

What brought on this negative thinking? Was it the lack of attention on your birthday or something more longstanding that's been brewing beneath the surface...with the birthday as a catalyst?

Getting good enough grades to get into your school of choice is relevant. Getting the degrees you want from the school(s) of your choice is relevant. But seriously, good grades for the sake of good grades are meaningless. Don't let grades depress you...that's what girls are for.

[L]

What brought on this negative thinking? Was it the lack of attention on your birthday or something more longstanding that's been brewing beneath the surface...with the birthday as a catalyst?

I suppose it's been there for a while. Really not making any kind of connection to anybody in college is what really gets to me. As I was typing that first paragraph I realised it could be traced back all the way back to the linked thread I put in there. The birthday thing really just reminded me how little I mean to anybody.

Getting good enough grades to get into your school of choice is relevant. Getting the degrees you want from the school(s) of your choice is relevant. But seriously, good grades for the sake of good grades are meaningless. Don't let grades depress you...that's what girls are for.

It would seem I am a 3 without motivation. I think I might just read up on that motivation thread in here. I guess I just wanted somebody else to motivate me in a way, seems kind of dumb now that I think of it like that though, borederline stupid actually.

[Adesi]

]I guess I just wanted somebody else to motivate me in a way, seems kind of dumb now that I think of it like that though, borederline stupid actually.

Not at all. I imagine everyone looks to outside sources for motivation in some way or another. I used to try looking at images that would motivate me, but it would never last very long. I just recently asked a friend if we can be each other's "accountability partners" for some things we want to get done. We've both failed a lot relying on ourselves for motivation. So we're now going to try to keep each other motivated.

[L]

Not at all. I imagine everyone looks to outside sources for motivation in some way or another. I used to try looking at images that would motivate me, but it would never last very long. I just recently asked a friend if we can be each other's "accountability partners" for some things we want to get done. We've both failed a lot relying on ourselves for motivation. So we're now going to try to keep each other motivated.

Interesting idea, good luck with your endeavors

Let us know how it goes.

[Popinjay]

I suppose it's been there for a while. Really not making any kind of connection to anybody in college is what really gets to me. As I was typing that first paragraph I realised it could be traced back all the way back to the linked thread I put in there. The birthday thing really just reminded me how little I mean to anybody.

I read your OP in the other thread. It's far easier said than done, but it helps to get your brain outside yourself...i.e. stop thinking about what others think of you and think more of what you think of them. Spend more cycles thinking of what they are actually saying and less about what they "might" mean by their words or non-verbals. "Do they think I'm weird? Do they not like me? Do they wish I would leave?" The kind of people who are indirect...who insinuate and reject indirectly...are cowards who are not worthy of your time...even if they seem cool. Indirectness = Cowardice. I'm rapidly discovering I LOATHE indirectness.

From a 3 standpoint, it also helps to go into these situations thinking of yourself as equally valuable and important...REGARDLESS of how others behave around you.

Also, RE the female rejection, the kind of women to which you are likely attracted like men who are confident. Confidence is purely a state of mind. It's not how you act or whether you are rude to get your way. It's walking into a situation with the attitude that you are in control of the situation and of yourself. Out of that state of mind, confident behavior is the natural result...assuming your actions will be welcomed. It's like putting your hand on a girl's hand at the dinner table in a restaurant. If you do it nervously or trembling, the girl will respond in a way that you perceive as rejection. But if you just do it with confidence...if you are in complete control of the situation, you'll be surprised to find a positive response (unless she's been raped or molested or something, in which case her reaction would have nothing to do with you).

You set yourself up for failure if you go into a social interaction with the attitude of already having been globally rejected long ago...of already not being worthy of anyone's attention because you're an odd and uninteresting person (or whatever your inaccurate self-perception). Then it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy because you act in a way that is not self-confident or awkwardly nervous, which puts other people off without them even realizing why they are put off. They're not put off by you as a person but rather by your behavior around them. It's a vicious cycle.

You have more to contribute than making people laugh but your distorted internal perception causes you to believe that you're pretty much a useless piece of shit apart from that single thing. By getting your mind outside yourself, you start to realize you have far more to offer than a well-timed joke.

By changing your thinking like this, if someone rejects you or mocks you, you can respond internally by saying, "Wow, that dude/girl has serious issues!" You start to see that you are, in fact, NORMAL and the one guy or girl in a group who previously made you feel rejected is in fact fucked up and the other lemmings just went along with them because...well...lemmings are dumb fucks. When you stand up for yourself, suddenly you gain the respect of the lemmings and now you're just dealing with one douche-bag instead of groupthink at its worst. Suddenly the douche-bag is isolated and your confident response causes them to retreat...because their own insecurity eats them alive.

Your greatest enemy is not an endless string of social rejections. Your greatest enemy is a distorted and inaccurate self-perception that shapes your attitudes and behaviors...which leads to the rejections. How you view yourself determines how you interact with others.

SOURCE: Therapy / EMDR / My own irrational social anxiety

It would seem I am a 3 without motivation. I think I might just read up on that motivation thread in here. I guess I just wanted somebody else to motivate me in a way, seems kind of dumb now that I think of it like that though, borederline stupid actually.

Get your lazy and sorry ass up solider! Do you want to [insert your current part-time college occupation] for the rest of your life? If you don't start pulling down at LEAST B's that strange tingle in your pants will be my foot in your ass (thanks Red Forman or some army film)!!!!!!

[L]

Thanks lol, that made me feel better.

[TaylorP]

@l_lawiet Want to be FB friends? I am serious.

Anyways, I can say you are not alone. I had 2 years of chronically depression. Even with all my North American Champion Titles, no one gave a damn except family. It came to the point I had a mental break down and my parent flow me out to Bermuda for 36 days, at the time they where working there.

It made me realize that aside from family, No one cares a fuck about one self once you are out of their reach. Well that makes me feel worthless, and I say 'fuck you' to those that do that.

It also made me realize that the only things that ever made me happy was what I loved to do. There is a reason why I live in my own world. In the end it is always their for me.

Also having a cat helped me fill that void of wanting some one to want me, i know funny.

I guess I am saying that to find true happiness in your self is to do what you do best and fuck what others think.

Approval from other only last if they are there, once they are gone no one cares.
I, at 23 finally have a friend I can says is a best friend, and my face book is mostly family with 6 others. But I play with LEGO with pride and walk around my classes knowing that even though others might get a better job, they will never have my imagination and talent for design. So I am better then them with that they are jealous.

Remember we are type 3s and every one around you secretly looks up to you.


I am more then happy to talk with yea about anything.

To better ones life you have to understand who it is you are.

[L]

@l_lawiet Want to be FB friends? I am serious.

I'm done with facebook, I'll just send you a friend request on here.

Remember we are type 3s and every one around you secretly looks up to you.

I do sometimes wonder if there are certain people that look up to me, but I cannot tell. If they did wouldn't it be obvious?

To better ones life you have to understand who it is you are.

I've always believed this. But it only goes so far I'm afraid.