I've recently realised that the main reason that I've never put forth any effort into school is because I want somebody to notice. I have never felt like I have ever accomplished anything in my whole life, this saddens me. I also took another hard look into why I don't ever try at anything, it is because that it seems as though everytime I ever put forth any effort into something that effort falls short, I'm never good enough it seems. This made me adopt the behaviour to not care anymore, for a time it seemed that it worked, I did this first in school and my grades actually improved slightly, at first anyway. I started doing this to the extent that I just wanted somebody to notice me, somebody to atleast attempt to help me, to prove that they cared atleast a little.
On my birthday I had only 12 people wish me a happy birthday on facebook. I had 40 friends on facebook at the time and only 12 people wished me a happy birthday. This really unsettled me. I always made sure to wish others a happy birthday, I am a nice person, always making other laugh. In fact I'm really just repeating what I've said on this thread now, so I won't get too far off subject.
I guess that I have to live for myself, nobody else seems to care much about me. For some of you others out there, how did you get passed this? I feel as though I've hit a wall. All of the accomplishments in the world won't mean much if nobody else will ever care.
I recently deactivated my facebook yet again. I'm done trying to make friends really, you guys on PerC are probably my closest friends, and I don't know much about any of you.
Right now while typing this I wonder if I'm just being whiney, or being a crybaby. I just don't really know what to do anymore.
I feel so lost....