[Loveternity]

I really don't know, I just do it, I don't really remember it. Or at least it seems trivial to say out-loud.

I believe that the bold part is the reason why there's hardly any activity in this forum section. Oh how humble we love to be and hide behind our persona. It's not trivial, not at all. Every little thing matters. This thread gives me a smile because I know there are others out there wanting to make someone's life better. And if your post can make someone smile, it's not a trivial post.

As for not knowing... really? ._. You mean if I asked you "What's the most helpful thing you've ever done for someone?" you'd be unable to answer? 2s keep a "mental tally" in their heads of such things.

Anyway, I'm glad to see people taking part in this!

[Hokahey]

As for not knowing... really? ._. You mean if I asked you "What's the most helpful thing you've ever done for someone?" you'd be unable to answer? 2s keep a "mental tally" in their heads of such things.

"What's the most helpful thing you've ever done for someone?"

Based on what criteria? Based on how helpful it was for them, or how much energy it took you to do so? Or even how you personally "rank" what helping someone is?

"Most" is very subjective. I wouldn't have an answer.


"2's keep a mental tally".

Yeah I keep a mental tally of everything I do. It's still trivial because my actions and choices are an internal sensation, not an external one. Saying it out-loud and sharing the experience takes away the uniqueness of it. I also try to balance my vanity and ego.

Not to mention I wouldn't know where to start to be honest. I mean helping someone is so vague and literally everyone has "helped" someone before.


Edit: P.S. Not to mention helping someone is measured differently based on the filters individuals have. So you can't even accurately measure how much you "helped" another person/animal/etc.

[Summersault]

Haha I think you kicked up my interest in helping by asking for some posts. Clever. Very clever.

I'm currently helping and INFJ friend of mine with some family problems he's having. As of, like, an hour ago. There's not much I can do for him. I think he just likes being able to tell me about it. And I'm more than happy to listen. I also offered him a prayer with his name on it and various distractions (crappy juggling, lame jokes, etc.). I also told him that even the hardest of hearts are eventually softened by the right words, if you can find them, and not to lose hope just yet. I dunno how he took that, I've yet to hear back. But, more than anything, I just want to bring him some peace.

I spend more time helping others in my relationships than most anything else, I think. That's what it feels like, and it makes my relationships so rich. I bond so well with the people who come to me for help or comfort and I always feel... balanced, somehow, when I've lightened their load.

[Ah! He responded. He'd like me to teach him how to juggle. Fingers crossed that that means he's not so anxious anymore.]

However! I find that I don't feel as much warmth when I help if I've been manipulated or feel slighted by the person asking me to help. If you need help and I can see it, I'll offer. If you want help from me, ask. But don't play on my sympathies to get me to help you. I'd willingly do it for you, bar most every exception.

And I have a friend who likes to lie to me about things that are wrong to freak me out. He thinks it's funny, and I feel foolish for believing him, but I can't not care. I can't not try to help. I don't know how to shut that off. He does this often, and one example would be when he told me he thought he'd gotten his friend pregnant and he had this whole...huge lie. And I could sense that he was lying to me, but I couldn't dismiss him. What if he wasn't and I was uncaring and rejected him? I think something like that could destroy our friendship. I've since told him that it's unfair to use the way I care about him as a tool to prank me, and he's promised not to do it again.

So sometimes wanting to help can be a hindrance. I don't really know where I was going with that. Kinda just.. happened.

Should leave on a positive note!

While I agree that I don't often like to discuss when I help others because it feels "trivial" or, for me, it feels like sharing kind of takes the shine away from a sincere act of service. But this was fun, I like how well we all seem to relate on this level. Connection is so smile-worthy.

[Malachi]

Well I'm not sure. I helped my stepmom by watching her God Daughter. I'm trying to help a friends situation. I just try to help my friends. And me being a type 2. I like what @Overflow said about it not being entirely selfless cause a lot of the time I help with some ulterior motives. Like I want them to like me or something narcissistic or selfish like that.

[Ardent Lunacy]

I've been on bedrest for a while, so I haven't been able to do much. When I was moving from Illinois to Florida, I had four hundred dollars saved up. I spent half of it on gifts for my little sister (surrogate) and my mentally retarded / Asperger's Syndrome older brother.

I bought my brother birthday gifts and graduation gifts, despite the fact that our mother didn't get either of us anything for graduation or him anything for his birthday. I did it because I feel so incredibly guilty and awful about not being a good brother, a good big brother, despite being the youngest of three (my older sister is also mentally retarded - but she and I have a better relationship). The guilt's been killing me for years. I've tried everything from beating the shit out of people who bully him to spending quiet, quality time with him. I can still sense him afraid of me, though. I can't stand that. It drives me insane when people are afraid of me. I keep going out of my way, despite being so sick I can barely walk, to try and spend time with him and my sister and make their lives better. My therapist told me I have Survivor's Guilt. My sister has Spina-Bifida and my brother I already explained. I'm a genius with a one-sixty-five IQ and unlimited potential, despite my triad of psychological diagnoses and my various health problems. I'm doing crazy "selfless" things because I just want my brother to love me.

As for my surrogate little sister, the poor girl has had a terrible life. It's not my place to say, but she's suffered more than anyone needs to. She also looks up to me and thinks the world of me. She sees me as this Zen Survivor and pillar of strength. I like that. I got her very expensive gifts, because she wanted something for her birthday, because her legal guardian is too lazy and stupid to work, so she didn't get anything at all; except from me. Which makes me her love me even more: she told me not to do it, I did it anyway. I did it for the admiration of someone I care about.

I threw around money and time I wasn't using to listen and care for people; not entirely because I care, but because I want people to see me that way. I want to be that guy in people's perception. Hell, on my way to go grocery shopping, I stopped by a fast food joint we don't have up North and picked up two sandwiches. One for me, one for the homeless guy on the curb, outside. He was kind of a dick and didn't even say thank you, but I still got my fix of "I did the right thing". I'm obsessed with being a good person, not just because it's the right thing to do, but because I'm psychologically dependent on seeing myself that way, lest I go insane with guilt and self-hatred.

[Loveternity]

@Malachi, most of the descriptions I've found downplay that part a lot. There are hints at it, but the best description I've read that mentions our strengths beautifully and at the same time calls us on our flaws without mercy is from Typewatch.

And @Inverse Knight... I wish I could hug you. I'd go into detail about how inspiring your post is, but then I feel I'd want to do the same for most of the posts in the thread and that would take ages!

Stay strong.

[Fairy Dust]

er, am I a type 2? I have no idea; probably am then since I was summoned.

I don't really know what to say here, sure I help people but sometimes people don't want help, they just want someone to agree with them or listen to them.. but then that could be construed as advice/listening help I guess.

But yeah I will help people, I usually do that behind the scenes, getting praise openly is horrible, embarrassing and unnecessary.. my only grumble is that people forget that I need help sometimes too.. not that I help to have it returned but it would be nice to be helped when I am upset or need something sometimes.. I don't know if it's a normal thing but I usually get overlooked when I'm needing it even though I am giving it when needed to others.

I hope this is what the thread is about as I actually didn't even read the opening question and am assuming the subject matter. And yes I am all disjointed and out of sync but that's because I'm busy, In turmoil and lifes a `Beach`.. so probably not a good time to get me to talk about anything at all..

good luck with the ressurection..

[Killbain]

I suppose THE most helpful thing I've ever done for anyone is, as part of a crew, rescue 2 children from a house fire.

[Nixu]

Thank you for including me. I've never actually noticed this section of the forum before, I've not ventured deep into the enneagram land.

I've always been disgusted at descriptions calling 2s selfless. We're not. We derive pleasure from helping. It's not true selflessness that dictates most of our actions.

I'm not disgusted by this, but I guess we are selfish then...we want the good feeling helping gives us. If that is the case, I think it's harmless selfishness, and should not be stopped merely because selfishness sounds bad.

When you say most possibly feel uncomfortable, you might be right. For me it's often quite personal stuff (or someone else's personal stuff), and telling about it kind of feels like bragging, even if it is not.

Anyway, I think I can share something. Sadly, it's not a happy story. An online friend of mine, one of my very few close friends, is possibly going homeless soon. They live far from me, and being unemployed, I can barely pay my own rent. There is no way for me to help them, except help them stay at least remotely sane, offer them the (virtual) shoulder to lean and cry on. But gods, it feels so horrible that there is nothing I can do. Every night and day I pray for a miracle to save them, but the time is running out. I cannot help my friend. When they lose the apartment, only connection left is email if they have the strenght to get to library.
It feels bad that I must try to ignore these thoughts most of the time, but wallowing in the sadness and misery would only send me into depression again. When my friend becomes homeless, it's going to be really tough even for me, mentally. It's horrible even now. It feels terrible not to be able to help.

And sorry...not a good and happy story, but I try to keep my friend sane and alive. I tried to keep them from sinking into depression, but everything I did was not enough. Now I only hope I can help them keep their sanity. And sorry if the message was repetetive and confusing...it's difficult to think straigh about this.

Other than this, I've, sadly, not done much helping lately. I'm spending most of my time alone, so I don't get so many chances to help.

[penguinfrk]

@Overflow I didn't know about this thread, thanks for the tag!

Just a short little story from yesterday--

I have a friend who's switching schools so she's been feeling a little glum recently. Yesterday, a friend and I showed up to her house unannounced. My friend brought a coffee mug and I brought hot chocolate and a thermos of hot water. We made the hot chocolate and rang the doorbell. It was great because it was a rainy day (typical Seattle) and she had just woken up! Then we watched movies together for the rest of the day.

Anyway, love this thread!