What's it like for lesbians?

I here a lot about how hard it is for gay males (and it's true) but we usually don't hear much about lesbians. if you are a lesbian, what's it like? what is lesbian culture as a whole like? if you have lesbian friends, what are they like?

My lesbian friends literally are no different than my straight friends. As far as I know, they all align themselves more with the feminist community than the LGBTQ community in our city.

Originally Posted by knittigan

My lesbian friends literally are no different than my straight friends. As far as I know, they all align themselves more with the feminist community than the LGBTQ community in our city.

Shit, so did mine Unless these lesbians have transporters...

I have a lesbian friend, she's very touchy and kind of standoffish, but that's just her

By touchy, I mean she touches me alot, and more than other girls

My best friend's sister is a lesbian. She just strikes me as perhaps being more feminine than most of the girls I know.

There's a girl at my school who is really obnoxious about it. I mean, it wouldn't be a big deal if it weren't for her blatant, "Hey, look at me, I dress like a dyke and smoke pot and I'm such a LESBIAN. Notice me!!" attitude. She used to be cool and fairly normal, and I don't know what happened, but it's like she went through this whole transformation from wearing makeup and dressing like a girl to cutting all her hair off and dressing like a guy just to gain attention. I can't say for sure, but, that's really the impression I get.

I live in an area that's pretty religious, so there isn't a lot of support for the LGBT community.

That really didn't answer your question, but there aren't many openly gay/lesbian people around here. I only know of three or four at my school.

Originally Posted by luxurieux

There's a girl at my school who is really obnoxious about it. I mean, it wouldn't be a big deal if it weren't for her blatant, "Hey, look at me, I dress like a dyke and smoke pot and I'm such a LESBIAN. Notice me!!" attitude. She used to be cool and fairly normal, and I don't know what happened, but it's like she went through this whole transformation from wearing makeup and dressing like a girl to cutting all her hair off and dressing like a guy just to gain attention. I can't say for sure, but, that's really the impression I get.

I live in an area that's pretty religious, so there isn't a lot of support for the LGBT community.

That really didn't answer your question, but there aren't many openly gay/lesbian people around here. I only know of three or four at my school.

Maybe she finds heterosexual people obnoxious. They kind of are, you know.

Originally Posted by knittigan

Maybe she finds heterosexual people obnoxious. They kind of are, you know.

She used to be heterosexual too until like 5 months ago. Not that she just hadn't come out of the closet yet, but very clearly heterosexual. She had boyfriends and was a stereotypical straight (emo [god, I hate that term]) female. I used to talk to her all the time, and I'd like to think I know her fairly well. It's not that I have a problem with her being open about her new found sexuality, but she presents it in such a way that begs people to look at her, as if she's crying for attention and this is the only way she knows how to get it. And yet she goes off on tangents for people judging her decisions. Most of us are obnoxious, yes, but I don't see that as much of a reason to be the same way. If anything, I'd strive to not be like them.

Originally Posted by Swordsman of Mana

if you have lesbian friends, what are they like?

Just any other regular person? I dunno, it seems kinda weird to me to see the question "what are they like."

I knew a lesbian for years growing up during my adolescence through to young adulthood. Didn't know she was a lesbian until someone told me, and then after that I happened to see her with her girlfriend once, but it didn't change anything. She was still the same person I always knew.

@luxurieux

Okay, let's get a few things straight.

Unless you are this girl, you have absolutely no right to get preachy about what her sexuality is or isn't. I can assure you, she knows much better than you do. It's very possible that she previously identified as straight and now identifies as a lesbian. Sexuality is not static and unchanging. I suggest you read up on the Kinsey scale to start, but there is also an overwhelming body of contemporary scholarship that confirms this. Sexuality is fluid and that means that it's completely possible to be attracted to men at one point, women at another, and both at yet another without being delusional or lying or whatever you think this girl is doing.

I would also point out that there are many valid reasons why non-straight people act straight or lie about being straight or let people assume that they're straight while knowing full well that it isn't true. It's a lot easier. Don't believe me? Check out some of the utterly heartbreaking videos to the It Gets Better project on YouTube. You might not agree with this girl, but believe me, as much as adolescence sucks for almost everybody, it sucks even more for most non-straight kids who have to "pretend" to be something they're not because people assume rather than actually asking them about it. Coming out is scary and confusing and there are lots of people who will think less of you. There are people who will have nothing to do with you. And, most importantly, there are people who will hurt you. This isn't hyperbolic -- non-straight people have to think about these things, especially when they live in conservative places.

She sounds kind of angry, but you also sound kind of judgmental. Even just reading the way you wrote about her made me feel defensive and I'm sure it's coming out in what I'm writing right now. I'm literally grinding my teeth. She's a teenager, of course she's being silly. Not all teenagers are, but people do all kinds of stupid things during adolescence that they later regret because they were scared and unsure and trying to figure out who they were. This might be no different for her. But it's also possible that she finally feels free to do the things that she always wanted to and both cases, good for her. You should respect her choices.

I would also point out that acting straight (whatever that is, but I assume you mean dating people of the opposite sex) is not the same thing as being straight. I date men and, for all intents and purposes, probably "act straight," too. But I'm not straight and if you assume that I am and I catch you doing it, I will call you on your heteronormative, marginalizing bullshit. There are tons of people in my life who think I'm straight. Not because I'm self-loathing or ashamed of who I am, but because I don't feel the need to announce my sexual preferences to every single person I encounter. Nobody else does. Straight people certainly don't have to. I respect people who feel the need to publicly come out, but it's never been important to me. My sexuality is part of who I am, but it isn't all of me. So unless you ask me about my sexuality or have insight as to what goes on in my bedroom, you aren't going to know that I'm bisexual because I haven't dated any women. But that doesn't change the fact that I am and I would and hope to in the future.

So I'm sorry if that came off as aggressive, but you really aren't being fair or a good friend to this girl and it sounds like she's got a lot going on and could probably really use a friend. Try and understand where she's coming from.