Well, I've just come out of a relationship from which I was engaged (Well, not just, more like 3 weeks ago), and I guess I want to make sense of everything emotionally. I'm not sure whether this is the best place to try and make sense of everything, but I'd be kind of intrigued, and it might be nice to see everything from another perspective in this matter and have a few questions answered.
I was going out with an ESTP for a few years, and earlier this year in April (namely over Easter), I decided to ask her to marry me, which she said 'Yes' to instantly. All was going great through my eyes up until a couple of months ago through my eyes, when suddenly she states, 'You're manipulating me, give me some space." So I gave her a little space, and tried to ponder over why she said I was manipulating her, and I couldn't honestly pick up any reason as to why. So, I asked her about how I was manipulating her, and she replies, "You're quiet, you're TOO emotional, and I just don't want you around me anymore." I know I'm a very quiet kind of guy, I know I like the more secluded times, and I know I can get very emotional, but she had known that for ages. I could just feel that something was wrong with her and she wasn't opening up. A week later, I discovered that her grandfather had died.. I got very empathetic upon hearing this, and I approached her and asked why she didn't tell me. She then told me the same thing as she told me when I was 'manipulating' her, but she took the care I wanted to give her for it. A couple weeks went past, we were getting back on track, and suddenly our communication and togetherness was just.. well, Gone.. We ended up both approaching each other about the same issue at the same time, and she kept jumping to the fact that I was too emotional, that I was quiet and that everything had to be done my way to keep me happy.. I thought the ice was still fairly thick so I said, 'Well, you've known me for ages, you've known this for a while, so why has it suddenly become an issue?' and she took that as a personal attack, and we quarreled for ages, and I was either saying sorry constantly or going against everything inside me that screamed, "Don't say anything! It'll make things worse!".. What I told myself told myself then, couldn't have been truer, as she broke up with me at that moment..
Obviously, I haven't shared all the details as they are quite personal, but I'm left with several questions I'm hoping I gave enough information for people here to provide even the tiniest bit of an insight.
Firstly; Was it all just my fault? Is me being emotional, being quiet and needing affirmation often a problem within a potential lifelong relationship? It certainly feels that way to me, If I had kept my mouth closed.. Who knows, maybe I wouldn't be here presenting myself with all this now..
Secondly; Why did she break up with me exactly? I know I'm asking a similar question to the above here, but, I still don't get it.. I don't know why or anything, and I try to get closure from her, but she says the same thing every time, and its starting to lead me to think its my fault. I ask her to elaborate, and she says, "I've said enough.."
Thirdly; Is it possible I'm not practical enough? I need to feel something to make something work, whether it be a relationship, work, friendship, hobby, etc.. I'm not a big practical person, and I'm only working casual at the moment, and the only motivation for that was her..
Fourthly and beyond; So, where do I go from here? I find myself doing anything else to take my mind off.. I really would love some affection from any girl right now, but I really need that emotional connection to make it thrive, so what do I do with that? My tears are only anathema, I can't keep going day to day like this..
So yeah.. I love her, but I'm scared of going near her, and I can't do this, and I don't know.. Help me please...