Pure friendship progressed into intimate relationship. Step up or Step into the hell?

I have tried to build something more with one of my former female friends. And this was a total disaster. Emotionally attached couldn't end what was destined to fall. I have an automatice response since then to anything that could be possible a friendship with a female - run asap :)
Proved on few another occasions that always ther is something touchy-feely lurking. Fortunetly only one massive hell of drama :), but still hardwired into the brain.

I've seen some kind of things that friendship has to be first and so on, but personally think of it as god damned bullshit. Any thoughts?

What are you asking-- if it's possible to befriend a female with the intentions of only being friends? I'm not sure if I understand the question...

I actually am a strong believer in "friends first"... it allows you to get to know a person in a no-pressure scenario and decide if they're actually someone you're interested in. However, it's not something you choose. Circumstances allow it. For instance, in my longest relationship, I was "friends first" with my ex because he had a girlfriend when we first met. We were best friends by the time we started dating. Or "friends first" might happen with a classmate, a coworker, a teammate... they're the kind of relationships that spur from meeting someone that you can still hang out with by circumstance and not be forced to ask them out on a date in order to see them.

In my opinion, the myth does hold true. But that's just me.

Usually when I meet a guy I can tell right off the bat if we're compatible or not. If I befriend a guy who has obvious compatibility, it means that either there's some reason I do not ever want to date him, or one or both of us is currently involved with someone else. I do have some male friends that I don't think are compatible with me, but whenever a spark starts up between us I either make an attempt to quell it or stop talking to him for a while. Most likely, if you were friends but never saw the other as attractive before, there's not a very strong connection going.

The two serious relationships I've been in have started from friendships of several years. I think this has more to do with the fact that it's easier for me to let things happen naturally than to deal with the social anxieties of "dating" or hanging out with guys that are looking for more than just a friendship from me.

My girlfriend is marrying someone she knew for only 4 weeks. She is flipped out and in love. It's weird. She's dated others much longer but things didn't take off for her.

I tend to not be attracted to people I've already put into friend zone.

Oh yeah, I also married a man I only knew for 4 weeks. I almost forgot about that. But it was only an 8 year relationship and we had a child. Lol.

However, usually I am an advocate of getting to know someone slowly if it's a romantic pursuit. But if we are hot for each other, we won't be putting each other into just "friend zone". More like our minds will be thinking "Damn you're hot. I gotta keep my jets cool until I can get to know more about you. But damn you're almost perfect. I am so trying to refrain from saying the 'L' word until at least Christmas..yada yada yada.."

Originally Posted by pinkrasputin

My girlfriend is marrying someone she knew for only 4 weeks. She is flipped out and in love. It's weird. She's dated others much longer but things didn't take off for her.

I tend to not be attracted to people I've already put into friend zone.

Oh yeah, I also married a man I only knew for 4 weeks. I almost forgot about that. But it was only an 8 year relationship and we had a child. Lol.

However, usually I am an advocate of getting to know someone slowly if it's a romantic pursuit. But if we are hot for each other, we won't be putting each other into just "friend zone". More like our minds will be thinking "Damn you're hot. I gotta keep my jets cool until I can get to know more about you. But damn you're almost perfect. I am so trying to refrain from saying the 'L' word until at least Christmas..yada yada yada.."

Wow... I won't even put out that fast. :P

I made an error. I was engaged after 4 weeks and so was she. This had more to do with religion at the time. We were married after 5 months.

Also, I am not an advocate of this AT ALL. Those who already know my story understand why.

Originally Posted by pinkrasputin

I made an error. I was engaged after 4 weeks and so was she. This had more to do with religion at the time. We were married after 5 months.

Also, I am not an advocate of this AT ALL. Those who already know my story understand why.

Ohh. That sounds pretty rough. Do you mind if I ask what religion?

And five months isn't nearly the worst I've heard. My mother met this guy on an internet dating site and within three months she was pregnant. xP They decided to get married for the baby and to get his green card (he's Canadian). Terrible, terrible idea.

Originally Posted by hziegel

Ohh. That sounds pretty rough. Do you mind if I ask what religion?

And five months isn't nearly the worst I've heard. My mother met this guy on an internet dating site and within three months she was pregnant. xP They decided to get married for the baby and to get his green card (he's Canadian). Terrible, terrible idea.

Well I didn't get married because of a baby, but I did want to help him get his green card. Ugh.

And I was heavily involved with the protestant church at the time. So I wasn't into "playing around" or even sleeping with him.

Live and learn.

I've said it elsewhere, but statistically domestic violence situations tend to have one of these 3 factors in common:

They move in together within 6 months of meeting each other.
They marry within six 6 months of meeting each other.
A pregnancy happens within the first 6 months of knowing each other.

I learned all of this many years later of course. I will never let someone rush me into a relationship again.

No no, I'd wait until honeymoon phase was way over and done with.

Originally Posted by pinkrasputin

Well I didn't get married because of a baby, but I did want to help him get his green card. Ugh.

And I was heavily involved with the protestant church at the time. So I wasn't into "playing around" or even sleeping with him.

Live and learn.

I've said it elsewhere, but statistically domestic violence situations tend to have one of these 3 factors in common:

They move in together within 6 months of meeting each other.
They marry within six 6 months of meeting each other.
A pregnancy happens within the first 6 months of knowing each other.

I learned all of this many years later of course. I will never let someone rush me into a relationship again.

No no, I'd wait until honeymoon phase was way over and done with.

Yeah, that's a creepy thought. xP My stepdad is a total bastard but my mom's so pathetic she doesn't even notice. I'm just glad I got out of their crazy perverse little world so I don't have to deal with him staring at my ass all day. All of us are starting to wonder if she intentionally got pregnant out of desperation, but I think she's really just that stupid.