Dammit

Femme

I may be stating the blatantly obvious here... but how about transitioning into a more formal conversation?

Instead of walking right up and introducing yourself (which can be understandably unsettling), how about asking her what she's reading, drinking, studying, etc... even if you hold no interest in the actual answer? This is an extremely casual and common initiation, and can be steered in whichever direction you wish based on her response. It flows quite freely, as well.

I'd say my suggestion stems from the fact that I'd feel slightly uncomfortable if someone were to introduce themselves right off the bat--discomfort from the "Gah, I'm now obligated to partake in a conversation," and "How will this all conclude?" sort of thoughts.

I do understand that my views might be the exception here, so feel free to disregard this post at will.

thehigher

I think that's a really good point. Yea merely saying hi won't lead anywhere... rather than getting the ball rolling.... it just kinda plops it there while I wait for her to roll it.

Chilln

hahaha that's an awesome comparison

..and yes I can relate to this. Too often I have seen and even made eye contact with the wide eyed perceiver girl , whether INFP or ENFP or some other IxxP or E**P and after a little bit of staring, the small frame of time during which one of us could have initiated a stimulating convo has forever passed into nothing...

Robatix

Robatix is unmistakably smooth when approaching a member of the opposite sex. He strolls by, asking, "Do you need any help?" This is because Robatix is at work. He sees many attractive women there. Should her answer be "No, thanks," Robatix is nonplussed. That's because he knows the lips do not always speak for the heart. Unfortunately, restraining orders speak for local law enforcement agencies, who do not like Robatix very much anymore.

Grim

OK... this makes me laugh. Are you unable to ask her about her book after saying hi? Anything you say to her, puts the ball in her court to respond to... ANYTHING.

The truth is the words really do not matter. It's how you say them. You could even say something dumb, and if you recover well, it's still OK. If she is interested she will respond. If she really wants to talk to you... she'll make an effort to fill silence or keep a conversation going if you find yourself at a loss.

The more you pressure yourself with "what-ifs" and trying to find that perfect way to approach her... the harder it's going to be. Just walk up and say something. There's no ball... there's secret code, there's no special opener. There's just two people talking. Easy as sitting in the sun.

Grim

I can think of nothing more awkward for everyone involved than to ask a contrived question you don't care if you get the answer to. I would think the last thing anyone should do is go up and present themselves as being insincere. It will come across, and she'll feel awkward having to answer a question she can see the other person has no interest in.

A fake start would have to be the worst thing you could do.

Nueman

I am pretty introverted, so I know exactly what you are going through.

I am married and have been this way for some time, so my advice is based on before that.

My advice NEVER worked for me, but it does not mean it is wrong.

My father said to me one day "Son, you never know if you never ask."

I waited too long on a girl in high school, and she moved away that summer. I have always asked immediately upon feeling the connection. You don't get second chances sometimes. I hope you do on this one.

wiseguyhobbes

not crazy at all... i think girls tend to do this more than guys, but us sensitive guys definitely do (i do at least). i know exactly where ur coming from.

the thing is (and this is to the OP as well) we just need to not put the opposite sex on a pedastool. if you just be you and dont worry about whether they're going to like you, then they're much more likely to like you, and if they DONT like you when you are genuine around them, then they aren't for you.. move on! a little bit of rejection is actually healthy for you because you learn to brush it off and this builds confidence. so just start putting yourself out there without expecting any hard results (dont go in thinking "im gonna talk to this girl and i hope xxx....") the right one's out there and you won't find love if you try and force it. there's a reason they call it *falling* into love. no one falls on purpose, but they know that it's happening when they do.

so remember: a. be yourself b. dont try to "get" the girl/guy c. be confident, friendly, and see what they're all about

hope this helps!

wiseguyhobbes

oh and don't think too much.. i find myself reading into things like "does she like me?""is she right for me?" all that stuff... pretend that you will never talk to the girl/guy again, so it truly doesn't matter what the outcome of the interaction is. just interact! and if it goes well and you are vibing eachother, ask for a number, and then you might see eachother again. but if you do, keep the same mindset of not putting too much pressure and worry into the situation

bee urself!!

Kevinaswell

Courtship is so funny for me <3.

Try that. Just bust over there all "HI! I would like to court you :)"

I hate beating around the bush.

Unless it's my bush. Or someone elses that I like.