Hell on Earth: the Friend Zone

You know the feeling, you have deep feelings for someone close to you: someone who trusts you and can share with you and ask you for advice, except you're labelled a friend. As if life was a poorly-written TV series, the plot is the same: they pursue someone who is clearly undeserving of this special person, yet you believe you're the right one for them.

Perhaps you're the nice guy/girl, who feels that if you're supportive and present in their life throughout good times and bad, they'll one day open their eyes and realize it's you who's right.

Or perhaps you're more assertive, and they know of your feelings, but they continue to pursue their interests, and you can't help but feel duty-bound to stand by them in case they fall.

Why is it that girls have the tendency to want to "save"/"change" someone?
Why is it that guys enjoy the chase more than the reward (which in cases like this, the prize is usually right in front of them)?

EDIT: If any of you have stories of escaping the friend zone, share!

Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

I think we've all been there at least once - and I've been there my fair share of times. I feel for you, I know how it can be to feel something for someone, and to have them feel nothing for you but on a friendship level.

The more you experience it, the better you get at just accepting things. That's all I know.

And you know - not every woman is out to change/save a man, though (from my experience) quite a few are. Why? I don't really know. I think a lot of women have a built up image in their minds as to how they want their partner to be - so once they get this person, they try to alter them to fit their perceptions. But they don't realize that you can't change a man; he is who he is, and you need to accept him as that to make things work.

Also, there actually are men who enjoy the reward. I've known a few men who absolutely hate doing the chase, but are very grateful when they receive the "reward."

People are how they are, and the heart wants what it wants. You can't change a person, their beliefs, their wants, their needs, anything. So how do you escape the friend zone? You just deal with it. I'm a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason - if you're not meant together, you wont be together, and you can't force it. If you're meant to be together, you will be in the end.

Does she know that you like her?

Originally Posted by amanda32

Does she know that you like her?

Yeah, she does. She made it clear that she just wants to be friends, but in my (wishful) defense, she's caught up with this guy who's (I might be biased here) not right for her.

Actually, here's the deal: she hasn't even spoken to him. It's purely an attractiveness thing, but the way she talks about him is like she wants him to be her's. I guess like Aerorobyn said, there's a desire to mend the guy into what she wants.

When I'm in the position of falling for a male friend who likes another girl, I'm thinking that there are 2 reasons for that, it's either he failed to "see" me or he doesn't like me.

Both of the answers only proves one thing: he does not deserve me.

Solution: I usually try to get over him and targets another guy.


.

Originally Posted by Yerduke

Yeah, she does. She made it clear that she just wants to be friends, but in my (wishful) defense, she's caught up with this guy who's (I might be biased here) not right for her.

Actually, here's the deal: she hasn't even spoken to him. It's purely an attractiveness thing, but the way she talks about him is like she wants him to be her's. I guess like Aerorobyn said, there's a desire to mend the guy into what she wants.

When I've done this its meant I wasn't sexually attracted to the guy for some reason or I just didn't feel a romantic "spark"/the elusive "chemistry". She knows what does it for her instinctivly. Unfortunately, as another user posted, "the heart wants what it wants" and it's far from "rational".

Incidently, I feel your pain. I had the exact same situation. Crazy about this guy who was in turn crazy for this girl who was ALL KINDS of wrong for him. I worked with him too, and...she was a student of mine...yeah. That was a fun year.

They even invited me out to group dinners (and once just the three of us) -- and I got to see him fawning all over her for hours and...talking about their fabulous sex life. Joy of joys.
You're right -- it is hell on earth.
Get outta there!

I know it can be an emotional process - and for some it's easier to move on than it is for others. If you need anybody to talk to, feel free to PM me anytime.

Originally Posted by amanda32

When I've done this its meant I wasn't sexually attracted to the guy for some reason or I just didn't feel a romantic "spark"/the elusive "chemistry". She knows what does it for her instinctivly. Unfortunately, as another user posted, "the heart wants what it wants" and it's far from "rational".

Incidently, I feel your pain. I had the exact same situation. Crazy about this guy who was in turn crazy for this girl who was ALL KINDS of wrong for him. I worked with him too, and...she was a student of mine...yeah. That was a fun year.

They even invited me out to group dinners (and once just the three of us) -- and I got to see him fawning all over her for hours and...talking about their fabulous sex life. Joy of joys.
You're right -- it is hell on earth.
Get outta there!

Sometimes I wonder if it's all a cycle, you know, how you can be chasing someone and someone chases you, and it's all a matter of perception.

But yeah, I think I'll try one more time with her before I give up. Operation: Be Direct.

Originally Posted by Yerduke

Sometimes I wonder if it's all a cycle, you know, how you can be chasing someone and someone chases you, and it's all a matter of perception.

But yeah, I think I'll try one more time with her before I give up. Operation: Be Direct.

A book that personifies this situation perfectly is "The Rules of Attraction" -- Read it, you'll feel better!

No! Don't be direct!!!
Read Kirkegard's "The Seducer's Diary" or " The Art of Seduction" if you're going to give it a go man!
Wish I had! Think some shit might've worked...