Would you consider him clingy? Or am I too aloof?

My boyfriend, whom I just moved in with, seems to require next to no personal space at all. He insists on spending ALL our free time together, I can't even take a walk by myself without 20 questions when I'm back, and getting butthurt. I mean, literally 24/7, he NEEDS to be together. I'm lucky to use the toilet without him waiting for me outside.

Not only that, he's physically clingy. He literally HAS to hold me/cuddle every second, even if it's sweltering hot out or if I'm carrying a bunch of shit, which is impractical.

We recently had a fight because I wanted to go somewhere without him, I brought up my need for personal space here and there, and he threw a fit and called me uncaring/aloof.

And even while I'm at work, if I don't text him back within a few hours, he panics.

We also sleep in the same bed, of course, but he literally insists on spooning ALL NIGHT LONG. It drives me nuts, as I feel smothered and sweaty. (He sleeps like a rock, and notices if I try to squirm out his grip and whimpers until I cuddle him again.

And he insists on taking ALL showers together.

Is this normal for couples who first move in together? It's only been 2 weeks. Will he chill out as time goes by? Or would you consider him clingy?

Originally Posted by dagnytaggart

My boyfriend, whom I just moved in with, seems to require next to no personal space at all. He insists on spending ALL our free time together, I can't even take a walk by myself without 20 questions when I'm back, and getting butthurt. I mean, literally 24/7, he NEEDS to be together. I'm lucky to use the toilet without him waiting for me outside.

Not only that, he's physically clingy. He literally HAS to hold me/cuddle every second, even if it's sweltering hot out or if I'm carrying a bunch of shit, which is impractical.

We recently had a fight because I wanted to go somewhere without him, I brought up my need for personal space here and there, and he threw a fit and called me uncaring/aloof.

And even while I'm at work, if I don't text him back within a few hours, he panics.

We also sleep in the same bed, of course, but he literally insists on spooning ALL NIGHT LONG. It drives me nuts, as I feel smothered and sweaty. (He sleeps like a rock, and notices if I try to squirm out his grip and whimpers until I cuddle him again.

And he insists on taking ALL showers together.

Is this normal for couples who first move in together? It's only been 2 weeks. Will he chill out as time goes by? Or would you consider him clingy?

I read this expecting to talk about Extrovert versus Introverted differences but this is just creepy...
That's just wayyy toooo much and too jealous for me. It actually sounds controlling, if you ask me.

While I'm an introvert and extroverts might have a different perspective...that sounds way too clingy, and he sounds way insecure.

No doubt I'm a bad advisor but it does sound like he is just insecure and doesn't know how to accept that your not going anywhere... does he have any hobbies or real interests besides your relationship and are you sure your both communicating in similar 'love languages' of affection?

The first week, I could understand maybe needing to figure out and establish boundaries, but there should be progress and compromise, even by this point.

The most concerning fact, for me, is that you've brought up your need for personal space; and his having a negative reaction to it. I don't care if you only mentioned it "here and there", it does sound like you brought the issue up, and more than once. You should be working together, as a team. His shutting you down like that is a firetruck red flag if I ever saw one.

I do feel like I'm being a little overly harsh here, but I really believe it's warranted. Based on what you said, it sounds like talking to him hasn't worked before; but maybe think of the way you phrased things and see if you can reach a compromise by restating things or going in a different direction, while still addressing the issue.

Sorry if I'm making broad assumptions here. Ultimately, you're the one who knows him and yourself better than anyone on here. I hope the situation is resolved in a way that makes your relationship stronger and the both of you happier.

Yeah that's a definite breakdown in boundaries. They aren't healthy for you and they aren't healthy for him. You can try talking to him and explaining this, but this just sounds like a massive cluster. The way you explain it, it sounds like you have a clinger now.

Was he never like this before?

He sounds like hes an Sx dom to the max. Maybe thats why you perceive him as clingy/needy?

Originally Posted by Chipps

He sounds like hes an Sx dom to the max. Maybe thats why you perceive him as clingy/needy?

How do you come to that conclusion? That sort of clinginess is abnormal and atypical for anyone of any type. Seems like knee-jerk typeism to me.

It sounds like some sort underlying fear of abandonment that causes him to act this way. I think you should talk to him about it, and try to find out the underlying cause of his behaviour. Simply demanding personal space and forcing it will most likely make him resent you. If he refuses to admit there's a problem or consistently reacts with hostility then that's even even bigger problem in of itself, and I would say tread very carefully and rethink your relationship at that point.

Originally Posted by SuburbanLurker

How do you come to that conclusion? That sort of clinginess is abnormal and atypical for anyone of any type. Seems like knee-jerk typeism to me.

It sounds like some sort underlying fear of abandonment that causes him to act this way. I think you should talk to him about it, and try to find out the underlying cause of his behaviour. Simply demanding personal space and forcing it will most likely make him resent you. If he refuses to admit there's a problem or consistently reacts with hostility then that's even even bigger problem in of itself, and I would say tread very carefully and rethink your relationship at that point.

I went with Sx dom because I noticed that the OP was sp/so so I took into account how someone who was that Sx would seem to someone who was Sx last.

Is he still probably very unhealthy as a person period? Yep. Surely I wasnt implying that all Sx doms behave this way.

Yeah... This reads like a weird Oedipus sex story. This guy is very clingy, with a hint of insecurities. Spooning and then whimpering when you pull away? He could benefit from some space.