How to deal with unrequited love

Seeing that this thread has not been started yet (or I must have missed any threads concerning this topic in the Sex and Relationships forum), I took it upon myself to start it. I'm sure plenty of people have experienced this at some point in their life. Though, of course, some people are predisposed to be able to dust their shoulder and move on easily, there are others who are not so fortunate to have that skill, and a lot of people have self-defeating tendencies wherein they like to cling on to unrequited love instead of forgetting about it and recognizing that it is not necessary for the other person to requite your love, nor is it their obligation to.

Some people are especially attracted to people who they can't get. This behavior is extremely unhealthy, and if you're a person only seeking out unrequited love, it would be better to quit instead of getting stuck in a cyclical trap of chasing after people you can't get.

When faced with unrequited love, the person who is harboring feelings for another person could develop feelings of bitterness and misdirected anger, as a result of not having their affections reciprocated. The person who doesn't requite your love shouldn't be expected to reciprocate your feelings for them. You should also take into consideration that the person is in a very uncomfortable position. If they tried their best to tell you they don't feel the same way without hurting your feelings, then it's probably time for you to stop trying to get them to feel the same way, since if you keep trying, this would be very detrimental to your friendship with the person. As a result, the person could grow to resent you because of your selfish insistence.

You can't get everyone to like you, and if a person doesn't feel the same way, it's fine. For the disillusioned "victim" of one-sided love, this might not seem to be the case and they're "the one" for you. In reality, there will be a couple of people who will be "the one". And what if you do hit it off with the person, and what if they're not as good as you thought they would be? Often the object of affection is wildly exaggerated by the fanciful imagination of the "victim" of unrequited love. The "victim"'s version of the person could be an unrealistic idealized version of what the person really is, and they could be imagined as being perfect. This isn't love, this is infatuation.

In conclusion, unrequited love happens all the time, and if you're stuck in a mindset where you can't "get over" a one-sided relationship, if you're stuck in a mindset where you don't think you can exist without a boyfriend or girlfriend, then you're not ready for a relationship. If you like someone and they don't feel the same way, that's fine, it's not the end of the world. And it's not only one way around, there could also be people who develop a liking for you, but you don't feel the same. That's fine, too. You should not feel pressured to feel the same way. Unrequited love happens, and the best thing you can do about it is to not be hateful towards your love interest. Healthily accept that unrequited love is not proof of your inadequacy as a human being, there are only instances where you're romantically interested with someone, but they don't feel the same way.

If any people also wish to share their experiences with unrequited love, or give more advice, or refute any of my claims. Feel free.

Seems good to me. Getting lost in dreams and thoughts and expectations happens even to me sometimes, and it's terrible when it does, since it happens so rarely and is sometimes just so strong. Just gotta try to let go, move on, talk to others and shoot people in video games. Nothing lasts forever. Not sure what else there it to say here. :3

I've been rejected a couple times before, but most of them were casual and light hearted. I don't try to take things seriously until later.

There was one case though. It was a form of unrequited love I suppose. We really did like each other and shared some sweet moments. But the timing in our lives just didn't make us compatible. That I have to say is more disappointing than just being rejected.

While some people don't really favor dating multiple people at once this is the main reason why I do it. Your focus isn't just on one person and you keep an open mind that there isn't this one and only "soul mate" garbage.

Well, I've got a date today and this weekend. Should be fun.

I think the type of unrequited love I experience is more accurately called limerence. Lasts for years.

Originally Posted by Lokkye

If any people also wish to share their experiences with unrequited love, or give more advice, or refute any of my claims. Feel free.

Well, I'm kinda used to this happening, and before I even get close to someone, I've learned to put them in perspective, and see them for what/who they are not what I want from them...the embarrassment I went through for that was INTOLERABLE; I HATE being/perceiving myself as a victim only had this happen once.

It was with a GUY, so for anyone who isn't objective enough to accept this for the situation as it pertains to unrequited love, pass over it at this point, to avoid irritating yourself or me. Thanks.

This guy I was interested in, was actually one of the WORST choices I probably could've made for several reasons I learned AFTER my interest in him faded; he was good looking, physically attractive, and had a pretty good sense of humor...why was he the WORST choice I could've made? lol HE WAS THE BARTENDER!!! LMAO The bartender is PAID to be personally appealing, good looking, and everything you think is hot enough to provide a tip for!! lmao I WAS SOOO...STUPID!!! That's a step below falling for a stripper (no shame/disrespect if there are any strippers on this website! Get your money guys and girls! ;) ) because he didn't get paid as much, and wasn't THAT good enough to be on the stage even!! lol

So here's the story; he was pretty unavailable (older, and in a relationship with his equally older, dried out boyfriend errrr lol)....I didn't know at the time, and believing so strongly in our happily ever after, (remember NF function at work here lol) even at the expense of ignoring the current reality/situation out of my own sense of deperate/egotistical desire to possess him for myself, I was willing to TAKE the guy that I believed was MINE, but HE NEVER WAS MINE; I WAS THE LAST ONE TO KNOW THIS. When I heard this song: I got the WORST feeling in my body for him: it was like a sign that we HAD to work it out...

For a while, I was doing the typical idealist stuff, playing over scenarios in my head, to the song I mentioned above, like a corny 80's montage of our future life together (me getting older and him not aging a DAY!! lol), it was great for a while because whenever I would go out for a while with my friends he did, we did kiss, and he was the type of guy that really 'straightened me out' if you catch my drift! He was into sports, and probably best of all, he wasn't effeminate; he was a great guy...we talked out back once and he brought some drinks out, and we shot the shit, and I was so UNBELIEVABLY naive at the time, that i misconstrued the whole thing for him coming on to JUST ME. I was divided; trying to keep it cool like I usually do, but then BURSTING at the same time to let him know that I was HEADS above those other guys...I was confident, intelligent, handsome...I was sure...and worst yet, I WAS CONVINCED....flying too close to the sun...and didn't even know it.

So, what comes up must inevitably come down; My world eventually came crashing down when I realized he wanted me to be in a three way with him, and his boyfriend...in other words, I was supposed to be the creme filling in this cookie, and I SNAPPED...I was pissed and my heart sank like a turret nailing an F-16 right outta the sky...the guy I had invested so much time, and interest in, had only looked at me as a fling...I told him that I'm I'm way to selfish for that, I don't share, and smiled and grabbed my smokes and turned for the door, to the club entrance...I wanted to find my friend, have some fun getting drunk, and not give a FUCK. I did ALL of the above.

'I can't believe him! Placing ME as second best!? This guy's got balls that's for sure!!" I thought

I wanted to shoot him...I wanted to kick his ass...I was convinced getting even would do it; doing to him what was done to me....but then I also found out he had the 'FORVER FLU'...lol yup, AIDS, not HIV I think, but AIDS, I learned he was taking some pharmaceutical cocktail of drugs to boost his immune system, and yea, that was the deal breaker...he wasn't even a viable option at that point...he was deleted from my system.


So kiddies, that's UNREQUITED LOVE from my eyes...only way to get over it, is time, and finding someone available I guess.

I never get angry at someone who doesn't reciprocate my feelings. It's not their fault. I'm not entitled to it.
I'm not going to investigate the whys or hows either. If I can't control/redirect my desires/feelings, why should I expect him to have the same sort of control? Feelings are mysterious things.
Anyway, I direct the anger towards myself for being stupid, hopeful and for letting myself get carried away with these unreasonable emotions. Also, I will hate myself for not being good enough. (Don't even start with the "Well, you're good enough for somebody out there!" I don't give a damn about just 'somebody'.)

I don't understand unrequited love from personal experience. If I learn that my feelings are not reciprocated, they tend to dissolve. I can have an unrequited crush but I wouldn't say I've ever felt unrequited love.

I would wonder whether fear has something to do with it. It's SAFE to love someone who doesn't love you back. You sort of do get rejected but you can experience the height of your passion and openness without really investing yourself.

I went through various versions of unrequited love, and @sparkles is dead on in this:

I would wonder whether fear has something to do with it. It's SAFE to love someone who doesn't love you back. You sort of do get rejected but you can experience the height of your passion and openness without really investing yourself.

Growing up I was not shown a good example of love or even a functional relationship, so rather than find myself in a situation that was unfamiliar I sought out unavailable guys (in relationships, didn't like me, gay...) and if they didn't reciprocate I simply lived in my fantasy world. It was easier to live in my inner world and imagine a relationship with my crush than actually seek out men who would give me the love I wanted, because that meant the potential for a) rejection, b) getting my heart broken, and c) real love. Real love scared the daylights out of me, because it was not something I had ever experienced first hand growing up.

I'm now in a wonderful relationship, but I'm still dealing with how to process and understand this deep of love. And my boyfriend is so understanding, knowing my dysfunctional upbringing, and is so patient with me.

I have a very big aversion to unrequited love, as soon as I learn a girl isn't in to me, then I lose my feelings for herm but she has to explicitly state that she doesn't want me in a romantic or boyfriendly way, otherwise she be being coy or playing hard to get.

My Biggest fear when it comes to love is that a girl I haven't taken notice of but would totally love had a crush on me and didn't tell me until it was too late.

Probably the best thing to do is to cut them out of your life completely. At least untill you are over them. That or rent a bunch of romance movies and a bottle of liqour. You will know what to do from there. ;)