Dominance and Submission

Another point to consider. Some submissives attempt to "top from the bottom". They say they are giving control over, then want to direct you on what to do to them.

I would also like to add, that talking about it is always an option. The sub may feel like their actions where the "Way it's suppose to be". In my opinion if your not willing to have open and frank discussions about your expectations, hard and soft limits, or fantasies then any form of BDSM could be dangerous.

I've actually struggled with this question for a while because I believed that as a female it was degrading for me to want to be (and actually enjoy) being submissive.

From my experience, I can be attracted to people that are either dominant or submissive, but relationships with those that are more (but not very) dominant last much longer. This is probably the case because although I can have strong opinions about things, I would prefer a partner that will listen to and honestly consider my ideas but eventually "steer the ship" so to speak. If I make decisions, we would have to wait a lifetime. And thus with similarly submissive partners I go insane since no decision is being made whatsoever. ("Where do you want to go?" "Oh, it's up to you." "But I want you to decide????" Headache.) Not to mention that it is incredibly relaxing to be a submissive. I really enjoy feeling loved and cared for, etc. So long as my opinions are considered.

Women don't so much seek men to dominate them, but rather seek men with dominating personalities who they feel have a high social status as a result; this is my opinion.

Originally Posted by spring

I've actually struggled with this question for a while because I believed that as a female it was degrading for me to want to be (and actually enjoy) being submissive. Not to mention that it is incredibly relaxing to be a submissive. I really enjoy feeling loved and cared for, etc. So long as my opinions are considered.

Anytime you do something that your programed is "bad" your psychi will tell you about it. If you enjoy something, your partner enjoys it, and it doesn't hurt anyone else you should do it. (assuming consent of course)

Did you know that Dom's also have difficulties dealing with the power exchange? In our society telling someone what to do is considered bossy. Tieing someone up and doing naughty things to them is great fun, but it's not uncommons for new Dom's to feel what they call Top drop. It's generally where the Top feel guilty about doing things they enjoyed to someone who wanted it done to them but society would look down their noses at.

I like to call this programing. It's where you've been programed with certain believes regardless of how you actually feel about the subject. Most of this programming occured when you were young. Unless you are willing to live your life how someone else believes you should, I suggest you go with what you enjoy rather than what society says you should enjoy.

Originally Posted by Coveny

Anytime you do something that your programed is "bad" your psychi will tell you about it. If you enjoy something, your partner enjoys it, and it doesn't hurt anyone else you should do it. (assuming consent of course)

Did you know that Dom's also have difficulties dealing with the power exchange? In our society telling someone what to do is considered bossy. Tieing someone up and doing naughty things to them is great fun, but it's not uncommons for new Dom's to feel what they call Top drop. It's generally where the Top feel guilty about doing things they enjoyed to someone who wanted it done to them but society would look down their noses at.

I like to call this programing. It's where you've been programed with certain believes regardless of how you actually feel about the subject. Most of this programming occured when you were young. Unless you are willing to live your life how someone else believes you should, I suggest you go with what you enjoy rather than what society says you should enjoy.

Awesome. Then I'm ready to throw all this programming out the window. :)

Imbalances of power tends to intensify situations and that applies sexually too.
However an imbalance of power is just unhealthy period. Everyone has the right to be in control of their own lives.