Well, this is going to be a comeback, haven't posted on here for a while, only been lurking around. So I've never posted anything very personal on this board, but yeah might give it a shot this time.
I would like to hear your opinion on my experiences with this girl I first met in October. She initiated contact with me via last.fm in August, she's from Latvia and has the same interest in music which surprised her because it's kind of obscure. She was about to move to Amsterdam to study the arts at the art academy and wanted to find a place to live. I found that to be interesting because I'm also studying the arts. I gave her all the possibilities I knew and we messaged a couple of times. She wanted to know places where you could go out, I gave her that and information about what I was going to do next year. I gave her my phonenumber in case she couldn't find a place to stay. In the end she moved into a squat because she knew another latvian girl who lived there for the moment.
When she got here she told me she got a mobile phone and we texted a bit. There was a good concert, the mountain goats were playing early october and I asked if she wanted to go there with me. She said yes, so we first met. My first impression was not very good, she had a weak way of shaking hands, looked tired and started talking about herself without showing too much interest. When we got to the place, it was sold out but in the end, and I think it was because I was looking so sad that the caissiere and manager of the place sold us tickets for a different gig and let us in to see what we came to see. Music was great, after it we stayed a bit, drank a beer, talked about food and about a project I was working on. The place was closing down so we went out and went to a bar. She talked a lot about her life in Latvia, and I was a bit worried that I didn't talk as much. She could read it on my face or somehow acknowleged it and asked if I could tell anything about myself. I was not very comfortable anymore and didn't really know where to start talking, too much random stuff going on in my head she probably would think of as awkward and laughed it off a bit saying it doesn't work like that. Then somehow we got into an engaging conversation and we managed to talk for about another 3 hours. In the end we didn't know what to say anymore and we looked at eachother and started laughing. We took the tram, departed and I was about to shake her hand and she was like "oh come on!" and gave me a big hug. I pretty much got the idea she was ESFP and I didn't feel this could work out very well, I was very much doubting us, although I had really good time.
So I kept my options open, and we thanked eachother for the night. We texted and later on I asked if she had any time to meet up, she was at her acadamy, she had fine arts lessons, but it was no problem to come over. She asked if I could bring some food for her because she was very hungry and so I did. When we left we had to take the metro and I realized I had two travelling cards, so I gave one to her so she could use the metro for free for the rest of the year. She said I was her superhero for the day and we laughed about it. After the second time we met I was pretty sure she was not extraverted but actually introverted, somehow she was very open to me from the beginning and she loved seeing me again. She was interested in philosophy and read Kafka and loved Haruki Murakami and then I thought she might even be INFP. But I still get the idea she is very much ISFP. She is not as interested and curious as I am. Not sure if she fits it, of course the 16 types doesn't include all people. She loves cats, is a vegetarian, she is very much in tune with her senses, often stays up until very late at night, I have the idea she neglects her own body, smokes a lot, childlike.
I helped her moving out from her squat to her new room. We met again at the bar and she showed me pictures of her hitchhiking through Iceland and to Ukraine which I loved, she sent pictures of her exposition and I shared some of mine. We went for some errands the day before her exposition and I helped a little bit with her sculpture, we watched couple of movies, heima, american beauty and so on. She was showing me a book she finished for the expo and I was telling her that it was amazing and I wanted to add "you're amazing as well" and give her a big kiss. I didn't. I've always been sceptical about us becoming more than just friends but every time before seeing her I get an aching stomach and my heart beats louder and harder than ever. It's very hard for me to initiate a kiss without knowing what goes on in her head.
Then she moved again, but close to where she lived before. Two weeks ago there we met, she smiled, gave me a hug, took me by my hand across the street, it felt like being in love. I was free the whole week and I helped her and two other girls whom she was working with on a stop motion movie for three days. It was lots of work, I edited and photoshopped. They were all very thankful saying I was their lifesaver. I stayed with her for the second night. She was on skype for about 4 hours at night with her best friend she didn't talk with for about 4 months. I also engaged in conversation a bit. We spend the evening on the couch, from start we've been phycically intimate but not sexually. First time that year it started to snow which was awesome. At 5am we finally went to to sleep, we were both very tired, we shared a single bed. We woke up at noon, I gave her a kiss on the cheek in the morning just to give her a sign that I like her. She was also learning me Latvian language about a week earlier during a lecture at her acadamy and she was writing down, You = Tu, when she asked me "What do you want to know?" I wanted to know how to say "I like" things. So she wrote it down and she said you could put anything after "I like" in Latvian and I said "Tu". Our heads were not 5 centimeters away from eachother and she smiled at me but she never gave me any hint of how she really feels, not with words, not with her actions. I know I'm bad at expressing my emotions but she is as well. Most of the times, or maybe even better 'all the time' I'm the one initiating contact and she always likes me to come along.
I'm pretty much getting the idea she likes me because I help her out so much, I like understanding and helping people but I don't want people to use me. I want to know what she feels and if she likes me, but I get mixed feelings from her, she has a wall around her. We are both passive, but does she want me to be just her friend, doesn't she get my hints? Why doesn't she open up a little just to let me know where I stand? Would she be thinking the same about me I wonder. It's developing a bit too slowly for me.
Any advice, comments, opinions or questions are welcome.