ok so ill post this in the NF forum too. I just wonder if anyone knows anything about whats going on here. I have.... this thing...and ive mentioned it before... where I have.... this jealousy thing. For example I've had a history of ... after a relationship with girlfriends ends... I suddenly find myself like... I dunno like finding myself .... really attracted to ... the seeming power they have over me? Like a friend of mine described it well... I am like seemingly attracted to something but also very .... hurt by it. Like an example would be where with my last girlfriend she would be really confident around guys and i found it sexy but yet.... it hurt and perhaps ... and im not sure... that hurt maybe even increased the amount of sexual tension it gave? This seems fucked up I know and this is why im posting about it. its like a really weird... thing and Im not at all sure what it points to other than some ... sort... of masochistic thing of.. but other than that im not quite sure. Do you guys have any idea of like deeper meanings to this? I think to some extent this won't .... reveal itself to me until im truly ready. but ... its just so weird. I find myself making negative comparisons a lot. like ... i get jealous easily and i also... like the enneagram four... have a tendency to look for reasons as to why i am fundamentally flawed. and in some ways this sexual odd manifestation seems to confirm the idea of being flawed but at the same time cause another person to be .... sort of .. everything i am not... and it being a sort of .... power thing... like they are everything i am not and i am sucky and they are awesome... and i know... thats weird. but ... its what happens. Thanks guys.