[Linesky]

It's a tool...? ^___^ Let me elaborate on this thought:

At this stage in life (18) I don't have commitment. I have love however. Random people I know/hang out with, friendship, and sometimes love. That warm fuzzy feeling that makes my day a bit better. :) Spread the love ! Mhh, anyways. The concept of romance. Personally it reminds me of those moments where both parties are aware of and sharing their intimacy. It can happen in whatever way, something personal... Well, it's good to offer love fluff, or a new dimension, because it adds up to the nice feelings, so that's why I referred to it as a tool. However it isn't always used intentionally : sometimes it just happens. "Magix: good feeling". It is like a tool For but also OF love. It's hard for me to believe there could be romance without love.

Romance goes hand in hand with a shared love between two people. It's a highly personal expression. If this means sharing homework together, or crying together, or pulling pranks off each other, or playing games, or offering a sweet hug after a long day, or draw (on) each other, then so be it. It's a share of what you like. Expression.

As for you guys referring to flowers, chocolates, whatever. I've never, ever considered that as something even Relevant. Those are simply gifts to me. If you think that is romance then you don't know me. I might just tell you your "kind" of love is one sided, I really don't see romance that way. Makes me want to flick that box of chocolates in somebody's face after getting the chocolates out. :P Haha, anyways. Sorry for my agression. ;)

I'm having some thoughts. Saving them for a new thread ,possibly.

[Persephone]

I must admit I don't understand romance at all.

At sixteen (I'm sixteen going on seventeen), I had my first kiss. I've had my own conceptions of what it feels like before I had it, and I can definitely say I didn't enjoy it. It was absolutely horrid, actually. All I could focus on was how he didn't seem to have brushed his teeth before he kissed me.

I guess afterwards, I became opportunistic and "tried on" different men for sizes, and I found that while it's significantly better, it was nowhere near my conception of it. Now I don't feel any longing for that again, needless to say. Physical romance, for me, is not very necessary.

Cuddling always turns out awkward (well, it was with a midget, the first time around. The second time, it was a lot better). All I could think of was how ordinary the physical experience was, and how badly we fit together, and how I'd rather be on my own. I guess I treated romance like an intellectual matter. I was thirsting for that first kiss before I had it, and now that I know what it feels like, I'm not so excited anymore.

Now, I know a lot of men won't be satisfied with this, but right now, I think hugs and holding hands ought to be physical enough for any relationship I have.

As for the emotional aspects of romance, I never understood why chocolates and candy hearts are so romantic. They don't elicit any feelings for me at all. In fact, I'd be pretty jaded if a boyfriend gave me these for V-day. Jaded and disappointed, to be exact, not that I expect any sort of Valentine's present.

When I emotionally commit to someone, I find it very hard to back out, and trust me when I say I don't commit easily. However, I don't need to be emotionally committed to be involved (physically and romantically) with a man. I go into the relationship either on the assumption that it will end quickly (thus, for hedonism alone) or on the assumption that he's the kind of man I can grow to love.

[Alchemical Romance]

Hmm, love. All though an NF well it kinda screeches my ear the concept of traditional gift. Roses, bleah. Candy, bleah. Cliches like that. First of all loving doesn't mean buying stuff. Anyone can do it even if they don't feel squat, i don't express love by buying stuff and not only once i have been called 'a cheap bastard'. I don't need gifts either for the same reason and again because of that it was always assumed i didn't like it. What I do like is originality. Doing something hand made usually weighs more in my eyes than any bought nonsens. I don't care for a gold keychain if i'm the milionth man that has the same key chain. ah... but make a tin key chain, add a picture and i'll probbably guard it with my life. As for topics like NT love NF love. Who cares as long if it's there. I mean what could possibly be the difference between having a walk through a park or having a walk through a museum. Actually i like the idea of a museum walk more romantic because it's not so stereotipical and as i said i apreciate originality. The aim of the concept of gift is to make the person next to you happy. For example if he or she is a medicin student i could understand why she\he would like to go to a hospital talk to doctors about diseases, visit a morgue, attend an autopsy and so on. I as a 'gift giver' would enjoy seing her happy and would try to organize such a meeting. And it's damn way more cool and original than getting a cliche rose bouquet. Of course problems arize when incompatible join. When she wants a walk through a park but she gets a walk to the morgue or viceversa but there's no such thing as 'this or that is more romantic' romantic is seeing the person next to you happy, the rest is only a means to an end. As for Valentines Day? ,are you kidding me? I'm an NF every day is Valentines day.
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[Karen]

As an ESFP, I'm very expressive when it comes to love. With my INTJ husband, it's almost like he has a manual hidden in the closet that he runs and looks at before being expressive. But at least he makes the effort! We are, above all, Keirsey's Mind Mates, since that's what he's most comfortable with. We do spend a little more time than he'd like dissecting people's personalities. He shows love by being willing to take me out a lot, since he knows I need change stimulation. I haven't been able to find everything in one person, and after 20 years of marriage I trust him, he's fun to talk to and do things with, and he works hard at the marriage, so it works okay, even though we're opposite types.

[Irulan]

Hmm, love. All though an NF well it kinda screeches my ear the concept of traditional gift. Roses, bleah. Candy, bleah. Cliches like that. First of all loving doesn't mean buying stuff. Anyone can do it even if they don't feel squat, i don't express love by buying stuff and not only once i have been called 'a cheap bastard'. I don't need gifts either for the same reason and again because of that it was always assumed i didn't like it. What I do like is originality. Doing something hand made usually weighs more in my eyes than any bought nonsens. I don't care for a gold keychain if i'm the milionth man that has the same key chain. ah... but make a tin key chain, add a picture and i'll probbably guard it with my life. As for topics like NT love NF love. Who cares as long if it's there. I mean what could possibly be the difference between having a walk through a park or having a walk through a museum. Actually i like the idea of a museum walk more romantic because it's not so stereotipical and as i said i apreciate originality. The aim of the concept of gift is to make the person next to you happy. For example if he or she is a medicin student i could understand why she\he would like to go to a hospital talk to doctors about diseases, visit a morgue, attend an autopsy and so on. I as a 'gift giver' would enjoy seing her happy and would try to organize such a meeting. And it's damn way more cool and original than getting a cliche rose bouquet. Of course problems arize when incompatible join. When she wants a walk through a park but she gets a walk to the morgue or viceversa but there's no such thing as 'this or that is more romantic' romantic is seeing the person next to you happy, the rest is only a means to an end. As for Valentines Day? ,are you kidding me? I'm an NF every day is Valentines day.
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I completely agree with everything you just said. Although, I may only be commenting due to my obsession with museums.
But I don't generally like traditional gifts either. Maybe it's because of that INFJ tendency to see into your soul! lol... It's totally what's behind the gift that makes the difference. If a guy gives me chocolate and roses because he wants to give me something but he's awkward and doesn't know what to give, that's totally sweet. If a guy gives me that stuff because he's too dumb to put thought into it, that's somewhat repulsive... You know?

[Alchemical Romance]

I completely agree with everything you just said. Although, I may only be commenting due to my obsession with museums.
But I don't generally like traditional gifts either. Maybe it's because of that INFJ tendency to see into your soul! lol... It's totally what's behind the gift that makes the difference. If a guy gives me chocolate and roses because he wants to give me something but he's awkward and doesn't know what to give, that's totally sweet. If a guy gives me that stuff because he's too dumb to put thought into it, that's somewhat repulsive... You know?

I completely agree with your message (and not because you started your post with the fact that you completely agree with me ) For me it's important the feeling behind the gift. I'll settle even for a hug if it's well meant and came from the heart...i have no use for gold and silver...i'm not a werewolf hunter...in fact just as opossite as much as i hate those things maybe i'm a werewolf myself. Also I hate getting presents and expecting something in return...you know boys that give jewelry and expect sex for it, and women that go viceversa. It's so cheap.

[perennialurker]

I have a very old fashioned and admittedly foolish perspective on this matter. I will probably regret even revealing this about me, but I have a very strong "knight in shining armor" complex. I have no idea why this is, but I have always seen myself as the "good guy" who comes along and rescues a damsel in distress and then proceeds to protect her and keep her safe and happy from the evils of the world.

Yeah it probably won't be long before I delete this, but at least I said it.


Are other NT males like this?

[picablue]

Being in love forces me to be a nice person, a kind person who thinks about how her actions will impact others. It feels sort of goofy to me, but I like it.

[Bluebird]

wow..... after reading all these pages.. I found NTs quite intriguing......particularly intjs......
I don't any in real life, and I doubt I would meet one anyway since intjs and infps are introverts, no one would make a first move and I would need to be in the T mode for you to talk me
But I think I do know an ENTx (probably a p), and it's soo fun, coz we spend most of our times arguing and debating with each other (in a friendly way of coz).
NTs never fail to impress me with their interesting theories

[giraffe11]

the INFP boyfriend said that he basically wants me to smother him..Of my idea of smothering is probably only about 25% of what his idea is

Take that as a compliment. For me personally, I love affection, but I don't want it from just anyone. If I want it AND can openly ask for it...then damn. I want you to be all over me all the time baby.

P.S. I love this thread. NTs should post more thoughts/experiences on romance here.