Hello, my fellow NFs!!
For those of you who were raised by sensors and especially those who don't have any intuitive family members, do you feel disconnected to your family?
Let me explain. My parents are ISTJ and ISFJ. My brothers are ESFJ and ISFP. My grandparents are ESTJ, ISTJ, ISTP, and ISFJ. So the people who were around me most of the time in my life were all sensors and simply didn't know what to do with such an extremely intuitive child. So instead of trying to nurture my natural intuition, they tried to stifle it. They kept telling me I was wrong to think like that. I felt like I was trapped in a prison.
Then I read all about the NF type. How they prioritize family. I don't do that. But then as I thought about it, I guess I sort of do. I desperately want to be supported and loved and understood the way a family is supposed to. But my family isn't that kind of family. I'm a failure and a disappointment to them. I feel like I'll never get that kind of support and that I missed out.
I didn't really think about it until I started dating my boyfriend. He's an ENTP and his parents are ENTP and ENFP. And he's incredibly well adjusted and comfortable in his own skin. He doesn't feel like he's missing out on the kind of love and support I'm missing in my life. And instead of being happy for him, I just want to punch something. Maybe if my parents had made an effort to try to meet me at my level, I'd have the self confidence to put myself out there. I wouldn't feel like a freak or a failure because I don't fit into their perfect mold. I wouldn't be afraid to be myself and to be a bit spontaneous and crazy and ridiculous. Maybe I'd be the kind of person my boyfriend brings out of me all the time. And maybe I'd actually have successes in my life. But I feel like it's too late, my family threw me out of their perfect little lives for being too different.
It's not that they don't love me or that I don't love them. But as an NF, I desire a deep connection and an intimacy in my relationships that my strongly SJ parents simply cannot and will not provide. It's breaking my heart not being able to have that closeness that everyone else seems to have. I want to be me because I love being an NF, I love the way it makes me feel and the way I think but I also hate how it makes me feel gypped when I'm around my family. I've tried everything and it's like they can't love me as deeply as I need them to. They're just never going to understand me and I really, really need them to understand and embrace me and support me.
I don't want to sound selfish. I do try to be a good daughter and sister. But I feel a more intimate connection to my dog than I do to my own parents.
What can I do? Does anyone else feel this way?? Am I alone?