[Eli Ayers]

I have problems finding real friends who accept me for who I am, and don't always want to give me life lessons. I grew up lonely and forsaken, and all I want now is to finally get some respect. I am constantly being used as a doormat. I'm going ESTJ and I'm leaving this life behind. I can't stand people anymore.




My life story is really complicated, I don't criticize, patronize, or disrespect my friends. Everyone treats me like I need help, but I dont. It seems like no one want to be my friend but my therapist.



Anyone else get this from people?

[Hola.Ola.Ting.Ting]

Hi Eli.

i have something for you:

the story of the striped puma

Some years back, I went to the great rocks north of Krosnyka.
snoring away at the night I was woken by something that rubbed at my feet.
I jumped up and my mind too jumped up by what I saw - some creature in pyjamas?

FYI, i was born mute and my grandma used to say i had extra sensory powers in telephatic mind communication. She watched how I moved with the cats, dogs, chicken, duck, horses at her farm. 'You can reach their messages somehow'

I sensed the creature to be confused, lost and probably hungry too. Now that is one situation experienced by all life forms. i got some leftovers, a can of sausages and some bread. i felt like some old friend had visited me. I sensed a relaxing wave of energy from the breathing of my guest. I moved closer and saw it up close. It was some dark and white striped mountain lion. with a zen aura. And my mind filled with visions of the independent way of existence he moved with. A curse or a norm? The animal lived the second.

My mind wandered to my younger days i felt as a misfit, a mismatch, outcast and so out of place everywhere. And I watched the puma, tried to think how he coped up with his cursed appearance, rejection from his pride and solitary living. I found some gratitude for the life I had, as i looked ahead and saw a long stretch of time I could have as mine. As long as i climbed teh rocks, remained trim n slim for hunts and never lost focus of who and what I was all about.

The fable from the striped puma:
Let not be stripped of your potential, wear your stripes as you earned them.
You are destined to what you are.

[Hola.Ola.Ting.Ting]

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/symbo...a-meaning.html

puma.jpeg

[mr. rozay]

I have problems finding real friends who accept me for who I am, and don't always want to give me life lessons. I grew up lonely and forsaken, and all I want now is to finally get some respect. I am constantly being used as a doormat. I'm going ESTJ and I'm leaving this life behind. I can't stand people anymore.


My life story is really complicated, I don't criticize, patronize, or disrespect my friends. Everyone treats me like I need help, but I dont. It seems like no one want to be my friend but my therapist.



Anyone else get this from people?

have you considered being a good friend, before judging whether that person would be a good friend to you?

try loving unconditionally, see how that makes you feel..

i promise it'll reap benefits.

[liza_200]

How bout ENFPs? We guys are much like you, only much more extroverted and with the flaws and strengths here and there.

[WoodsofDesolation]

I know how you feel, and I know how hard it is to assert your individuality when people tell you that something is wrong with you because you don't act how they think you should act.

Your individuality is yours, and if people cannot understand that then those people you need to stay away from.

I've found that being an INFP, I'm so focused on stabilizing unity in my unit of friends that I had become a "people pleaser." I became a "doormat" that people use to their advantage because I keep letting them in a mistaken effort to keep the peace, and because I really believed that I needed to change because I was different. It's not worth it and it is not true; it only ends up that you become an emotional dumping ground, therefore like a lost puppy in need of guidance rather than realizing that they have projected their own insecurities onto you (either by constant complaining or even by "advice" or "life lessons").

It's better to be alone for a while, become more comfortable with who you are and find those true friends later on (who will be there when you're being yourself and won't treat you like a charity case), rather than feeling like you're helpless and in need of guidance from people who don't really accept you as you are. It only ends up hurting you later on.

[Eli Ayers]

have you considered being a good friend, before judging whether that person would be a good friend to you?

try loving unconditionally, see how that makes you feel..

i promise it'll reap benefits.

Since yu already made this statement, if I told you I am a good friend you would write it off anyway.

[mr. rozay]

Since yu already made this statement, if I told you I am a good friend you would write it off anyway.

sorry, I don't mean to come off as an a**hole.

who are you to judge whether you are a good friend or not? I'm afraid that is up to your friends to decide.
SO...

if you stick with loving on people regardless of how you feel, you will find friends that will value you. You might also find some that will take advantage of you, but my friend thats what living is. You win some you lose some, but you leave a wiser man.

make it a part of yourself.

change your mentality from "do they like me?" towards "I like you regardless of if you like me." Find stuff to like about people, and you'll notice people will find stuff they like about you.

[Eli Ayers]

sorry, I don't mean to come off as an a**hole.

who are you to judge whether you are a good friend or not? I'm afraid that is up to your friends to decide.
SO...

if you stick with loving on people regardless of how you feel, you will find friends that will value you. You might also find some that will take advantage of you, but my friend thats what living is. You win some you lose some, but you leave a wiser man.

make it a part of yourself.

change your mentality from "do they like me?" towards "I like you regardless of if you like me." Find stuff to like about people, and you'll notice people will find stuff they like about you.

These statements don't help, they are cop outs. How do I judge whether I love people or not? Do you love people?

How can you say I don't? Does everyone who loves people have things work out for them all the time?

[CrabbyPaws]

I do agree with @mr. rozay that it is important to be aware of what kind of friend you are to people. Even if it is natural for INFP's to listen or care for others, it is still good to put effort into staying focused on that person and not to keep falling back into a very personal and sulky phase. Remember INFP's are idealists and one thing that is wrong with us is that we have to have everything perfect, and even if it is amazing, we still find things to critique and feel sad about. Sometimes we simply are never satisfied.

That being said, I do also agree with @Eli Ayers, you know if you're a good listener and put effort into your friends. It's not unusual to become fed up of having others not reciprocate the same things you would probably do for them. I have been there, but the main thing is to not overreact. INFP's have a tendency to overreact when things aren't going in a way they can easily cope with, or if things have been dragged out for a while we end up exploding. Try to communicate about it more, be more open with the friends you make about your insecurities and the things you spend so much time conjuring up in your head, like ideas that something may be wrong, which manifest and get worse. This not only is good because it lets your friends feel like they are closer to us and that we are letting them in, but it also gives them some idea how sensitive we are and how to act with us. Our friends may care for us very much, but they perhaps don't show it as we like them to. People don't come to us perfect and ready even if they are amazing people, we must learn to be patient enough to not only allow things to grow, but to make an effort to shape them also. People are supposed to adapt to each other because no one is the same. Give them that chance and don't assume that others are mind-readers even if to us it seems so obvious.

You may feel like you've done all you can do, but try to consider that you may not have been as open as you have thought. People get different vibes and ideas, and just because we are afraid to initiate doesn't mean we shouldn't. Try new things, not to get new friends, but to help you become more comfortable with yourself, more confident and less stuck inside your head.

Try to be honest with your friends from the beginning, about how you feel and see things. This alone will get rid of people who won't connect with you very quickly anyway.

I noticed this when I met my INFP friend in college. Before I thought INFP's were like me and very quiet and reserved, but she was not only very loud, she always focused on herself. How people treated her, how she gave someone else yet another chance and they hurt her, how she is always the one who blablabla. And yes, of course, if I was in trouble she will always listen to me and be extremely caring and understanding, but she never asks first, she never initiates, she only wants to hear when I say something first and she gets curious about the rest. It is as if she is on default to focus only on herself until someone else mentions it, even though she has the ability to be the bestest friend when it comes to it. Because of this she becomes quite oblivious to what is going on with other people. I'm not saying this is you, but just mentioning to show you a different perspective. Maybe there are things you do that you are not aware about.

Just a thought. :)

Also, you said you don't critisize, patrionize or disrespect your friends. This may be true, but that doesn't mean you are actively making a bond with them. I expect strangers to not critisize, patrionise or disrespect me. It is the people who actively do more who become my friends. Who actively listen, ask about my day, and who can see through if I'm upset and just saying "I'm fine" and who actively want to help me, who open up to me about their personal life and feelings and let me in their life, who becomes so open with me that we may argue because we are that comfortable with each other, etc.