This is a discussion on Misunderstood Types within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Originally Posted by zynthaxx I think the most important thing to remember about oneself is that you aren't actually the ...
Thank you everyone who contributed their valuable insights in this thread.
The things that I would usually feel misunderstood by, I see some people already living to do those things tirelessly -- people that are different to me, whether they are introverts or extroverts.
To understand somebody better as a person is vital but only so much... but what about the choices that people make? What about starting off by seeing how people do things in the same situation, or how they reacted in an event or circumstance and why did they make such choices? This can reveal more reason to understand someone than just doing it for the sake of understanding. In that case, I think everyone are to an extent in the same boat... and if you're making an effort to remove a misunderstanding then you're probably not alone.
Sometimes, we base our decisions based on how we feel on the moment. In such cases we're quick to defend our own innocence, and not open enough to apprehend what someone else is trying to explain. Therefore, nobody in the situation is hearing each other accurately. Sometimes, if one is hurt, angry and vengeful, he/she will cause another to feel misunderstood. Other times, we'll accept being misunderstood and have a sense of devotion for it that we're in actual fact being uncooperative and hard to get through to. On the contrary, accepting that there is a misunderstanding happening is fine as long as the party(ies) involved are working toward what is best for the other. However, I admit this is hard if there isn't co-operation.
* Find a "handle" to getting interested in the actual people around you, and while you're at it, try to see their motives.
* Ask about personal stuff, and be prepared to open yourself enough to answer similar questions.
* Treat girls in general like you treat guys. But if you find a girl that you find attractive, don't be afraid to show that to her. I mean: what's the worst thing that could happen, right? (yeah, I said that last part only to mess with your head )
Those three little points should fix most of the "weird, retard, gay and boring" opinions you've rightfully earned up to this point in your life.
1. I have a handle to understnad their motives. I've seen pointless motives such as social status and nothing else much.
2. I don't do personal questions. Asking that kind of thing for me has always resulted in them finding another excuse to degrade me.
3. I treat girls like I do everyone else.
4. I haven't earned my reputation deservedly; I've lived my life under the heel of an extreme bully (he actually has the Antisocial Personality Disorder.) Even though he's gone, his influence still remains. I'm only in high school, and I hate my classmates. No girls are interested in me. Whenever I tell a girl that I like them, they always either run away, or don't show up at the date. SInce I've started being more agressive (not letting people get away with shit) things have improved. I've lost the retard reputation due to time, and the gay one's gone because at my age, it's just a joke. The broing reputation is still there, and it's because I don't like sports, or parties. The wired reputaiton is somewhat edeserved, because I am very different from my classmates.
1 & 2 + probably at least part of 3, and some of 4: Read up on An INTP Profile, especially on your shadow function. It's the best description I've read on INTP behavior, and since I share the same inferior function, I'd say I'm allowed to make the statement that he's pretty much got it right..
1. Don't stop looking for motives once you've found the obvious, egoistic one. Always assume that the other person has a rational reason and good (as in "not evil") motives for his/her actions. Life gets a lot less complicated when you start trusting people.
2. Directly related to 1. You've got to open up on a personal level to become interesting ("not boring"). That doesn't mean you can't have secrets, though. Also, once you stop assuming the worst about everyone's actions, you start behaving in a way that's less weird (which is just another word for "confusing to others", which is what you are, if you've got the usual "young INTP" mix of intelligence, arrogance and an apparent complete lack of emotional stability).
3. Which is why they're afraid of you. Relax. Trust them. It'll do you good.
4. Now that's the kind of blame-game where INTPs are the true masters (except that's one you can't possibly win unless you're speaking with really naïve people. And you aren't.). You "didn't earn your reputation deservedly"? Then who lived the life that created your reputation? Personalitypage says it right: "No one has more control of your life than you do. Don't be a victim."
So yeah, you grew up in shitty circumstances. Now answer me this: Who didn't?
Actually: no, you don't have to answer. Just think about it for a moment. People all around you grew up under different kinds of shitty conditions. Some a bit easier, some a great deal harder. Some of them didn't do anything about it, and have reputations to match, others did, and you can tell. As I said: Think about it. You're the one responsible for your life. There's always a choice.
And you're utterly wrong about the boring reputation. It's not there because you don't like sports and/or parties. It's there because you a) don't listen to people (not for real) and b) because you don't talk to people about things they can relate to in a way they can enjoy.
When you're with INTPs and with those ISTPs and INTJs that share common interests with you, go right ahead and discuss from a concept-centered point of view. When you're with the rest of the population, talk with them from a people-centered point of view.
B. There's a huge gap of interests. I'd love to talk about out there mystical and esoteric subjects, but, I have to be "sensible." I can't do anything "wierd." I dion't have a people centered point of veiw. No one else is really willign to discuss ideas with me. I only know of one guy who I don't scare the hell out of, and we have blast going on with our intuition. I've learned one thing, as well as have many of my friends: the first that that happens to you that a person shares is what everyone will think of you as forever. Public opinion is sadistic and cruel; the slightest error, and you're ostracized.
It's a bit like training a dog: If you ignore unwanted behavior, you'll remove one of the most important incentives for that behavior, namely your reaction. But you still have to remove the other incentives for the unwanted behavior, or nullify their worth. Basically what you want to do is to create a situation where it's more fun to be friends with you than it is to be an asshole to you. Two of the best ways of doing that, is a) proving them wrong (or proving the accusations to be unimportant) and b) making people enjoy being around you (or at least make the experience "not negative").I'm only paranoid, because, if I'm not, I'm targeted mercilessly.
You try being the reserved one when you have a real sociopath going around siding up to everyone and spreading the rumor that I'm a faggot, and announcing that publically. I at first didn't act against it because I thought (I was doing as I've been taught) that if I ignore it, that it would go away. My parents lied to me. It got worse. I would meet new people, first day of school and I would say: "Hello, anmes <insert my name here>. How are you today?" They would answer back: "Shut up, retard!" I'm still growing up with those people, and I hate them. And if I ever find the sick fuck who turned them all like that, I will kill him brutally. Things have gotten substantially better. I keep to myself mostly, but people still frequently try to sidestep me. I've majorly repaired the damage, and as people grew up, they've stopped beleiving that shit about me beign a gay retard. I still can't stand bullying or rumor, and I will confront you if I find out you've been doing that shit.
And yes, it's a long-term process, and yes, if you've already allowed it to go on for any serious amount of time, it might even be easier for you to change your entire social circle and start from scratch (which I know isn't easy for an I type).
But you're right: in this respect, school sucks.
Take a look at your Fe. It's more important than you probably think.I've been disadvantaged since birth. Lack on inutero food (my goddamn plecenta didn't work properly.) has made me smaller and weaker. I'm also not socially quick, I'm possibly on the autistic spectrum, and yet, I'm forced to stay in with those without any issues. I am on the middle ground; too advanced for full support, yet too weak for general population. So, I'm in the general popultionr. I prefer it to the Autisti population (too much condescension, and yes, I can fucking have small conversations, just not big ones, because they get boring.)
Wrong. You don't have anything you find worth saying back. That's not the same. Study people and see what makes'em tick, and find out how to emulate their behavior in a way that they appreciate, and then implement the nessecary changes in your interpersonal interface.A I listen to people, but I don't have anything worth saying back.
Who says you have to be sensible? Who says you can't do anything weird? The only thing that's required is that you've got the balls to stand up for your actions. No-one knows how to be like "everyone else", because that's something that doesn't exist. But it's only a matter of self-preservation to try to adhere to the existing social rules. You know how it works: If everyone else seems to be an idiot, maybe you've got the wrong view on the problem.B. There's a huge gap of interests. I'd love to talk about out there mystical and esoteric subjects, but, I have to be "sensible." I can't do anything "wierd." I dion't have a people centered point of veiw. No one else is really willign to discuss ideas with me. I only know of one guy who I don't scare the hell out of, and we have blast going on with our intuition. I've learned one thing, as well as have many of my friends: the first that that happens to you that a person shares is what everyone will think of you as forever. Public opinion is sadistic and cruel; the slightest error, and you're ostracized.
My parents and brother say that I have to always be sensible and not wierd. If I'm either of those two, I get hell, and my brother beats me, hard. I literally will have the marks for a week.
I don't believe that there is any particular type that is more misunderstood. I think a lot of the hype about being misunderstood is about feeling special- they are both similar terms, assuming that people around you are not like you based on what you perceive of them and yourself. Why would we expect another person to completely understand the motives behind our actions and how we feel about something every time? Nobody is telepathic. If you are having difficulty communicating then observe how the person you are interacting with seems to think and perceive things and try to put it in their terms, or don't even bother with them. This is similar to showing your work on a math problem- the teacher cannot see what you did to get the answer, only you do; therefore it is your responsibility to show your work rather than theirs to make a blind guess at how you reached your answer. Just accept misunderstandings as an inevitability and try to explain yourself better next time.