Entj-infp

**anon** · 11-03-2009 04:44 PM

I've heard mixed views about this interaction/relationship. Upon summing up the views, they seem to really do well when they're not committed in a serious relationship - that's when they can appreciate what they can offer for one another.

On the contrary, I've come across views whereby it's stated that the ENTJ-INFP is a terrible combination. It seems to be a huge bridge crossed from "they are very passionate and get along like a house on fire" to "they suck as a couple". Why so?

Any experiences of this relationship be it intimate, friendship, etc?

**murkrow** · 11-03-2009 04:57 PM

I have good experiences in friendship.

I have no experience in relationship.

I think that a lot of the negative responses you get are coming from people who have F/T issues.

ENTJ/INFP is a relationship reserved for members of those types who have above average communication and understanding abilities.

**Grey** · 11-03-2009 04:58 PM

Theoretically, the two are complimentary pairs; in practice, it doesn't seem to be so. I've never heard of an actual example, but I would think the typical ENTJ's aggressive behavior could 'depress' the INFP, as that type seems to be very sensitive to the behavior of others towards them. It would take a lot of work to make such a relationship successful.

**murkrow** · 11-03-2009 05:05 PM

My thinking is that work is precisely what wouldn't help.

Acceptance is key.

Just love and appreciate.

both INFP and ENTJ are generally trustworthy so adultery is very unlikely to be an issue.
INFP and ENTJ also have pretty similar life patterns (in general). Not a lot of heavy socializing, not a lot of new people meeting.

Add kids the mix and I think it could be a winning combo.

**anon** · 11-03-2009 05:43 PM

The sensitivity part is true. I am sensitive to a number of things, but that does not mean I will go off one to defend myself or bury my head in the sand. It's under my surface to want to not feel this way. I'm constantly thinking how I can make it better, the only thing is, I will work through my value system as a benchmark to make it better. Communication, therefore, can become a problem, and I really do think if there is more acceptance, the purpose and beauty of the relationship is felt. There's definitely some work, but not work alone.

The thing about the ENTJ that's currently getting to know me is that he is one of the extremely few people I've been able to connect with; we relate on many levels, beyond things like favourite movies bla bla. We always have something new and worthwhile to say. He's even learned to slow down for my sake, as it takes time for me to warm up and for someone to get to know me. I've also observed him and learned to be more open, daring and little more logical. The learning experience it seems to me, can go on forever... but the reason it's going on right now is only cuz of how much we're accepting each other. I just fear the worst in the future. I don't want to break this bond even if it means remaining friends and nothing more.

**anon** · 12-06-2009 08:10 AM

Any more thoughts on this, people? Any NFP experiences with ENTJs?

**dasch** · 12-07-2009 11:06 PM

bad idea. I can already see an ENTJ with an INFP, not so great. ENTJs for the most part like to be in charge and are very domineering. Not unless an INFP can accept that. I like a fair and square relationship, I can't live with that kind of rule imposed on me everyday.

**Tkae** · 12-08-2009 06:23 AM

I'd like a relationship like this.

I think if push came to shove, and it meant making the relationship better, I'd be willing to bend a bit during a conflict when it came to some of my values.

I think that the hardest part of the relationship would be overcoming the INFP's values. Keirsey may not do a lot, but some of his pages have really good information on the communication obstacles between types, and his evaluation of the Idealist mindset pretty much nails the INFP on the head:

"The wall between Idealists and others is the Idealist's values. The values which are critical vary from Idealist to Idealist. It is essential to find out what their core values are and either work with them or around them if possible. Taking an Idealist head-on on one of their most cherished values is a fast way to a pointless argument, not to mention stupid. Overall, Idealists tend to be warm, accepting, compassionate, and kind. They want to get along with everyone and accept everyone's differences. They celebrate uniqueness. However, if you find yourself violating one of their core values, that soft marshmallowy exterior gives way to granite instantaneously. In the area of their values, Idealists can be as arrogant as Rationals and as inflexible and intolerant as Guardians and as defiantly resistant as Artisans at their worst.
If you find yourself suddenly hitting a land mine when talking to your Idealist mate, often the best tactic is to back off and ask them to tell you what they believe. Simply listen. Agree when you can and remain silent when you don't. After you have a good handle on what they believe, you can show how what you believe matches. Emphasize every area of agreement before approaching any differences."

I don't think the patience and understanding part that you guys are making such a big deal about is really such an issue.

If it's just a daily difference of opinion that pops up all the time in relationships, I, as an INFP, have no problem backing down and letting my partner have their way. The problem, though, is when you come across an issue that's important to us.

Generally, there's a very simple rule of thumb to an INFP:

If we want to be right, let us be right. Stop thinking logically, stop trying to find reason in it, just back the fuck up and shut your mouth. Because, while I'd be willing to put just about anything else aside in a relationship, a partner that's not willing to agree with me when I ask for it, and I won't be asking for it a lot, isn't a partner I can be with.

It's like playing Minesweeper, ya know?

If you're having a conversation and you stumble across a 4, it's very wise for you to stop clicking and take a very, VERY close look at how you can avoid one of the mines nearby. Your best bet is to either defuse that area, or just back away and try your luck at clicking somewhere else.

Contrary to popular belief, we aren't impossible when it comes to those values. We're very easy to get along with when it comes to them: you just have to admit that you're wrong, agree with us, and smile.

It's very simple

But God help the fool who challenges us.

Cause that's when we get all

But yeah. Other than that, as long as the ENTJ was a partner who was willing to, at the very least, step back when they hit one of those landmines and realize that it's not a subject they need to try to apply their usual logical approach to, then I'd be willing to accomodate just about anything in the relationship.

People just think we INFP are impossible or something. They forget we're all hugs and and fluffy pillows, barring the occasional mood swing into self-loathing, but even during those we still put it aside to keep another person's day bright and cheery.

Just don't make us go into angry panda mode, and we're good