[teddy564339]

So overall, in general I always used to have the perception that feelers cared a lot about how other people felt, and that thinkers kind of brushed it off. It seemed like feelers were generally more sensitive, so they were also more likely to pick up on other people's feelings, and also tended to try not to hurt others' feelings as much. After all, it seemed like that was the vibe I got when reading about T vs. F in MBTI books...that thinkers made decisions based on what was most logical, and feelers made them based on relationships. It seems like taking people's feelings into account fit much more along the lines of relationships.



But the more I've thought about it the more I've realized this isn't really true. The most recent example is how I recently visited an ESTJ friend of mine. He seems extremely attuned to people's feelings and always likes to make people feel comfortable. He's very open minded about people and seems to be able to get along with everyone. However, at the same time, he's also very honest and straightforward, and I can tell that he makes decisions logically. He's tested as ESTJ, but he only got 10% thinking, so he seemed to be pretty close to the borderline. Overall, I get the impression that he's a thinker, but he has a very strongly developed feeling side.


On the other hand, I've read a lot of posts on PerC about thinkers describing feelers who don't seem to take others' thoughts and feelings into consideration.



Now, I think a lot of this has to deal with S vs. N too...I've noticed that NTs seem to hurt my feelings (almost always unintentionally) way more than STs do. I'm starting to think that the STs I've encountered are just much more aware of things like that...maybe they pick up on body language or other sensory things like that.



So I guess I'm just wondering how thinking vs. feeling affects how in tune with other people's emotions one is. I'm starting to get the impression that in itself it doesn't make much of a difference...that generally, there are considerate people and inconsiderate people of all types, and that some people just care more about others' emotions than others.

So what do you guys think?

[dagnytaggart]

I'm aware of feelings simply because it's practically necessary. It doesn't really warm my heart. Life's a lot easier when you have people working for you and not against you.

[Nonconsensus]

Have you read this? What Words Mean to Fs: Exposing the myth that Fs are overly sensitive

[Ubuntu]

So overall, in general I always used to have the perception that feelers cared a lot about how other people felt, and that thinkers kind of brushed it off. It seemed like feelers were generally more sensitive, so they were also more likely to pick up on other people's feelings, and also tended to try not to hurt others' feelings as much. After all, it seemed like that was the vibe I got when reading about T vs. F in MBTI books...that thinkers made decisions based on what was most logical, and feelers made them based on relationships. It seems like taking people's feelings into account fit much more along the lines of relationships.



But the more I've thought about it the more I've realized this isn't really true. The most recent example is how I recently visited an ESTJ friend of mine. He seems extremely attuned to people's feelings and always likes to make people feel comfortable. He's very open minded about people and seems to be able to get along with everyone. However, at the same time, he's also very honest and straightforward, and I can tell that he makes decisions logically. He's tested as ESTJ, but he only got 10% thinking, so he seemed to be pretty close to the borderline. Overall, I get the impression that he's a thinker, but he has a very strongly developed feeling side.


On the other hand, I've read a lot of posts on PerC about thinkers describing feelers who don't seem to take others' thoughts and feelings into consideration.

Now, I think a lot of this has to deal with S vs. N too...I've noticed that NTs seem to hurt my feelings (almost always unintentionally) way more than STs do. I'm starting to think that the STs I've encountered are just much more aware of things like that...maybe they pick up on body language or other sensory things like that.



So I guess I'm just wondering how thinking vs. feeling affects how in tune with other people's emotions one is. I'm starting to get the impression that in itself it doesn't make much of a difference...that generally, there are considerate people and inconsiderate people of all types, and that some people just care more about others' emotions than others.

So what do you guys think?

Someone could argue that when you feel/show consideration or empathy for other people, you are using your 'feeling' function whether you're a dominant feeler or not, I don't know if that's true. MBTI profiles try to portray each type in the best light, not all feelers are 'sensitive' or 'kind' and thinkers aren't necessarily "logical". I also think that most people misunderstand the proper definitions of 'thinking' and 'feeling'. From what I've read (I could also be wrong), 'feelers' aren't anymore likely to make emotionally biased decisions than thinkers are, they base their decisions on harmony (inner harmony if they're FPs and group harmony if they're FJs) and social implications, they use people centric and personal criteria instead of impartial, objective criteria.

[tnredhead]

I'm no expert, but I don't think Ts are necessarily less aware of the feelings of others. We just don't let it affect our decisions as much, which I think tends to make Fs think that feelings don't matter to Ts. Also, getting hit with ton of feelings can make us feel drained which can also lead to misunderstandings with feelers. Just because we don't make decisions based on feelings/relationships doesn't me we don't care about them or that we value them any less than feelers (though I know that's not what the OP was necessarily saying) :-).

I really don't think T vs. F is really any indicator of how "in tune" you are with others' emotions but that's just my opinion.

[teddy564339]

I'm no expert, but I don't think Ts are necessarily less aware of the feelings of others. We just don't let it affect our decisions as much, which I think tends to make Fs think that feelings don't matter to Ts. Also, getting hit with ton of feelings can make us feel drained which can also lead to misunderstandings with feelers. Just because we don't make decisions based on feelings/relationships doesn't me we don't care about them or that we value them any less than feelers (though I know that's not what the OP was necessarily saying) :-).

I really don't think T vs. F is really any indicator of how "in tune" you are with others' emotions but that's just my opinion.

Yeah, I think what you said there in bold gives a good explanation. I guess that it's all relative, and that's why sometimes thinkers come across like they don't care. I think feelers might be more overt with how they show their own emotions when they make decisions, or it might be clearer how they take others' feelings into account...so when we don't see the exact same thing from thinkers, it throws us off and we take it as the other person not caring.

I think that's why communication is so important, and I think it also shows how the MBTI can be helpful...it can help us understand what others truly mean, even if it looks different at face value.

[TARZAN]

Feelings are weakness being expressed.

-Will

[Eerie]

I'm an enfp, and I don't care about people's feelings, unless they happen to be very close to me. I don't see how it matters. *shrugs*

[athenasgriffin]

I'm INFP and I only care about my people's feelings.

[Aelthwyn]

I think many Ts do care about other people quite a bit, and may be good at picking up on emotions, they just seem to deal with their own feelings and those of others in a different way than Feelers do, and that difference often causes Fs to think that Ts don't care or don't love them, but that's not necessarily the case - they're just not speaking the same language to eachother. I don't think that Ts have less emotion, or even that they don't know how to read or express it, though it may be something that takes more time/effort to learn for them, or it may not have as high a priority at all times, there are many Thinkers who are very considerate of others, and I might add if it weren't for misunderstandings and failure to see their underlying but perhaps not openly expressed concern, (probably mostly by feelers) they probably wouldn't have come to have the uncaring stereotype that they do.

I also agree that being an F doesn't necessarily make you kind-hearted, cuddly, and well-meaning towards everyone else. It doesn't even mean that you are exceptionally perceptive of others. Some feelers are very self-centered and immature and really don't bother to pay attention to other people's feelings. They may be really feely and emotional when it comes to themselves, and believe that they love others, but in actuallity they tune out other people's emotions which are inconvenient for them at the time and focus only on what they want to see. Feelers can also use their feely-ness in ways to harm others emotionally knowing full well what they are doing.

There are selfish, thoughtless, mean people of all types, and there are well-meaning, kind-hearted people of all types as well.