[fridge]

Hello!

Is it possible for a thinker (with a strong feeler side) to see themselves as a feeler in some situations? The guy I am seeing, for now quite a few months, is pretty into me..and he knows that I am a strong feeler. I am quite sure he is a thinker, based on the way he talks,the vibe I get, on the stories he tells me about people and how he reacts, and the fact that he uses logic to make most decisions.

However-the thing that leads me off, is that he portrays himself as much more feeling to me than he actually is. I would ask questions about this topic-ie. I have the Do What You Are book, and for the fun of it, I bought the book one night and asked him the questions..he pretty much answered
-Stepping forward and considering effects of actions on other -over- applying impersonal analysis to problems
-Values empathy and harmony, sees the execption to the rule-over-values logic justice anf fairnedd, one standard for all
-Naturally likes to please others and shows appreciation-over-naturally sees flaws and is critical
-Considers it important to be tactful and truthful-ovr-more important to be truthful than tactful
-Believes people have a right to feel how they want-over-feelings are vald only if logical

So he pretty much answered all in feeling, and he also tells me he is emotional and feels things strongly, which can lead me to thinking a feeler, and -he does seem more "feely" in the relationship, in terms of giving things to me, complimenting me, and trying to help me if I need advice. He also claims to be a heart person (though I get he doesnt fully understand what emotional, and heart centered really means, it just sounds good to him since he knows i like that.)

The reason I am thinking that hes a thinker though, is because he just seems more logical, thought out, as a person-he uses logic over emotions by default (though when he is with me, he uses somewhat more emotion), doesnt trust negative emotions-is uncomfortable feeling them , and weighs the pros and cons of his decisions and anlayzes them-what makes more sense. He also needs more information to make decisions and doesnt go in the feelings of the moment. He comes down a bit hard on people if they have a different opinion, and while he can be intuned to others emotional state-that will only be if its fairly obvious..sometimes he hurts people without realizing and wont apologize so quickly, and he doesnt get hurt that easily. He also has a hard time answering questions straight-he needs more information or detail, and even then it depends. He seems OK with conflict and even starting it with debates, but he claims he doesnt like conflict if it can be avoided.

Can he be a Thinker with a strong feeling preference or a Feeler with a strong Thinking preference?

[Xplosive]

He sounds like a thinker from your description, but just because you're a thinker doesn't mean you're a cold-hearted bastard/bitch (i.e. my father is an ESTJ and he can be very warm and caring of others, moreso than many F's I know) and just because your a feeler doesn't mean you never make logical decisions or solve problems (i.e a close family friend of ours is an ESFJ and her logical thinking is better in certain situations than her ISTJ husband). Everyone displays the different preferences to different extents and can display different preferences depending on the situation.

[roxtehproxy]

Excuse the lack of insightful content, but thinking or feeling preferences does not rule out any emotions or an inner-voice of reason. What they basically mean is, how do you arrive at conclusions? Using logical principles, or by considering/utilizing emotions?

Sure, an ESTP could remain as an ESTP, yet still be the nicest guy around the block; thinking does not mean you lack emotional intelligence, otherwise you may be severely handicapped.

[OrangeAppled]

Sounds like a Feeler to me. What you describe just sounds like an intelligent person. I can relate to most of this:

The reason I am thinking that hes a thinker though, is because he just seems more logical, thought out, as a person-he uses logic over emotions by default (though when he is with me, he uses somewhat more emotion), doesnt trust negative emotions-is uncomfortable feeling them , and weighs the pros and cons of his decisions and anlayzes them-what makes more sense. He also needs more information to make decisions and doesnt go in the feelings of the moment. He comes down a bit hard on people if they have a different opinion, and while he can be intuned to others emotional state-that will only be if its fairly obvious..sometimes he hurts people without realizing and wont apologize so quickly, and he doesnt get hurt that easily. He also has a hard time answering questions straight-he needs more information or detail, and even then it depends. He seems OK with conflict and even starting it with debates, but he claims he doesnt like conflict if it can be avoided.

[roxtehproxy]

Sounds like a Feeler to me. What you describe just sounds like an intelligent person. I can relate to most of this:

Sorry OA, but it's about preferences.

If I'm really a nice guy, and capable of disclosing emotional intelligence, then consider me being an ENFP; and there is NO bloody way I use Fi all the time.

[walkawaysun09]

Sounds like my friend who is an INTP...seriously, he's never really big on using feeling to decide things, but when it comes to relationships, and values of "help others, make world better" he'll go with what seems like a feeling type, but he usually uses logic (if everyone's happy, I'll be happy as I'm part of everyone) as his reason for that decision.

Just because they look Vulcan (truly thinking, purely logical) does not mean that feelings do not run deep within them, beneath the surface, they feel like you do, they just reach their conclusions to problems with their thoughts, as often using feelings to decide...they are not trusting of them enough to go with that over logic in most cases.

[OrangeAppled]

Sorry OA, but it's about preferences.

If I'm really a nice guy, and capable of disclosing emotional intelligence, then consider me being an ENFP; and there is NO bloody way I use Fi all the time.

You should apologize because you are wrong.

The guy tests as a feeler, sees himself as a feeler, and does not display any behavior at odds with being a feeler. He prefers value-based reasoning to hard logic; that does not make you a warm or emotionally demonstrative person with everyone. Fi IS often hidden/guarded, as most valid descriptions of it state.

[roxtehproxy]

You should apologize because you are wrong.

The guy tests as a feeler, sees himself as a feeler, and does not display any behavior at odds with being a feeler. He prefers value-based reasoning to hard logic; that does not make you a warm or emotionally demonstrative person with everyone. Fi IS often hidden/guarded, as most valid descriptions of it state.

Oh...

Welll.....did you know, that in the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated?

EDIT; Oh yeah, that's besides the point. I barely even have a trait of Fi, normally that is.

[fridge]

Out of curiousity, can he be a thinker or feeler?

He loves to help in any way he can, but its with advice and physical stuff. Doesnt show compassion or sympathy that easily, but he cares for people. He told me to let him know what happened when i went to the doctor cus he cares. Even sends me texts like-good night sweet thing, or you are beautiful. (Which is weird cus its when he says it verbally its in a bantering,lighthearted type way).
He is blunt, but never outwardly hurts people if he can help it, but doesnt understand why people show certain emotions.Hes not controlling though and hates toughies. He has a lil sensitive side-hes like a bear :)
Hes very tactful to me though..out of respect for me.
Yet-he did answer all the qs according to F...
Can that be cus i was there?

[fridge]

I was thinking until now that he is a thinker, but somethings have me seeing things otherwise..

-He is tactful as well as truthful and he says he cares about me.-
-When he had a forceful argument about something, where the other person , who was a stranger to him. did not back down, he claimed afterward that he didnt like the person who he was arguing against.
-He has personal values (il have to ask him for them though) and wants to be a good husband and father.
And-at one point, we went to see a marriage specialist together since I was having doubts then. He insisted on paying for the whole session, since he felt it was only right. He even argued with my father to the point of being stubborn that he wanted to pay. My father saw that a lot of it was coming from pride, which is more of an emotional thing. He also is stubborn when he wants me to accept his help.

Can this make someone a feeler?