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Shy people are stupid

27K views 77 replies 47 participants last post by  DimentionL 
#1 ·
This is something I've encountered a lot. Whenever I say something smart in class, or people find out I d well on a test, or somehow demonstrate that I know anything at all about what we're learning, people are always really surprised. This happened to me just yesterday. I was in my Sign Language class, and we were playing a fingerspelling practice/review game. Now, I admit, I am really good at fingerspelling, so it wasn't surprising that people were impressed. What bothered me was when someone said "Wow, she's so quiet, but [insert compliment here]." This isn't the first time I've heard that, either. It's all the time. "She's so quiet, but she fingerspells really quickly!" "She's so quiet, but she's actually really smart!" How are these things at all connected? Why do people assume that shy people aren't smart, or aren't good at things?

I know they're probably not even aware that they're doing it. Like, nobody consciously comes to the well thought out conclusion that I must know less. I just wonder why people think that subconsciously.

Or maybe it's just me, maybe I give off a stupid-vibe. :p Shy people, do you get this, too? I would say "quiet people," but I've had friends who are quiet but not shy, and everyone thinks they're the genius of the class. That might make more sense, though. When people are more talkative, the smart things they say get drowned out by all the other things they say, if that makes sense. So if someone's more quiet, they're only going to talk when they have something useful to say. Their "intelligent comment" to "off-topic comment" ratio is a lot higher. That doesn't explain why people think I'm not smart, though.

I don't want this to come across as a rant, like "wah wah I hate everyone they think I'm dumb nobody understands me they're all judgmental jerks wah wah please agree with me." I'm just honestly curious if this happens to a lot of other shy people, too, and if so, if any of you more outgoing people (or other shy people) have some insight as to why.
 
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#2 ·
People generally associate communication with intelligence. I tend to speak quickly, therefore people assume I am more intelligent than I really am (disregarding the many, many types of intelligence in existence). It is sometimes assumed that people don't contribute to a conversation because either they lack the mental ability or are simply to lazy to care about the topic. Both of these case point to lack of intelligence, and when one jumps to the conclusion that a person is not speaking for one of these two very limited reasons, many improper associations are made. I also think the word "dumb: has something to do with it, as the word used to deal with one's ability to speak as well as think.
 
#3 ·
Did you ever watch speeches given out by Susan Cain or read her book Quiet? She mentions that this is an innate bias in American culture where quiet people are seen as stupid and cowardly among many other things and fast-talking people are seen as intelligent and daring/brave. You're dealing with a cultural bias.
 
#5 ·
I agree. It's amazing how much effect it has on others' perceptions of you, to the point where it's a bit ridiculous, especially in academia. The professors I've had seem to be biased in favor of loud girls and quiet boys, and my grades went up substantially when I started contributing more in class - it didn't seem right that that's all it took :/ Granted, not many people contribute in classes, so maybe they grade just in appreciation of making their jobs more interactive and engaging. Personally, I tend to regard chatterboxes as somewhat less intelligent...
 
#8 ·
Isn't it amazing how, for as long as I can remember, grades have been predicated on classroom participation? I get the motivation, sort of--participation shows that you understand the material--but there has to be another way of showing it besides endless talking.

But yeah, the cultural bias in favor of extroverts/talkative people is extraordinarily stupid. But to play devil's advocate for a minute, you really only get a brief moment to impress people--and sometimes people only have whatever comes out of your mouth to judge you on.

That said, though, not everything that a not-shy person says is all that intelligent.... sometimes it's just hot air.
 
#7 ·
"Wow, she's so quiet, but..."
And you just banged the nail with that statement.

It comes down to our horrible social stigma that 'extroverted' = good, 'introverted' = bad. They took one 'negative' trait and wrongly inferred that it means you have others, even if it was an unintentional slip.

Also, another issue I think is that outgoing people are far more likely to blow their own horns, hence they appear smarter. In reality, there is little to no difference.

However, I personally have not had this problem; although in school I was by far one of the quietest people in my year, I was still unanimously in top sets for everything. I might not have been the brightest penny in the class, but that still doesn't mean anybody could brand me with the 'stupid' label.
 
#9 ·
Yes, I got this a lot. It's been said that I "Seem so quiet/shy, but I'm actually a hard worker and very smart...." as if being quiet or shy is what makes someone a stupid, lazy worker. Teachers also used to say (in parent-teacher conferences) that I was too shy, but "actually very smart", and I should learn to participate more in class discussion. My grades were just fine. It's not as if I was failing... so obviously I understood the material.

Yeah, it seems to be a bias which appears to be very strong (at least) in American culture. Interestingly, being quiet or shy wasn't seen as a terrible trait when I lived in Asia. Boisterousness and over-confidence were seen as a bad thing. In America, a very opinionated and forceful person will be seen as strong and confident, but in some parts of Asia, that may be seen as arrogant or rude. I really depends on the culture or people around you and what they value or see as normal.
 
#10 ·
Yeah, it's a bias and an assumption which appears to be very strong (at least) in American culture. Interestingly, being quiet or shy wasn't seen as a terrible trait when I lived in Asia. Boisterousness and over-confidence were seen as a bad thing. In America, a very outgoing and forceful person will be seen as strong and confident, but in some parts of Asia, that would be seen as arrogant or rude.
That's not particularly surprising. Emphasis on individuality vs emphasis on community?
 
#11 ·
I think that's a cultural bias against shy folk in the US. In more introverted countries, shy people aren't met with so much...uh...I wanna say animosity? But that seems a little strong :/

When I went to Japan, I was just as talkative as any extroverted person back home, because people didn't overwhelm me with being loud and such. They treaded carefully and respected my space (Another reason I love that place and will be moving there ASAP).

But yeah, cultural bias. I don't understand how this culture came to this conclusion that if you're not talking, you're not good at it. We make this connection between speaking and intelligence, but the connection isn't absolute because people can mouth off a bunch of words and essentially say nothing.
 
#13 ·
Thinking back on the old days, where people had to be willing to strike out, take risks, and conquer land and foe, I wonder if a connection can be drawn. These seem like very assertive cultural values to me.
 
#12 ·
This isn't the first time I've heard that, either. It's all the time. "She's so quiet, but she fingerspells really quickly!" "She's so quiet, but she's actually really smart!" How are these things at all connected? Why do people assume that shy people aren't smart, or aren't good at things?
People assume that if you keep to the background, that there is a reason for it. That reason might be that you don't know, so you don't speak up. Then shyness gets linked to stupidity or being incapable and incompetent somehow.

People are prone to making such unjustified leaps of logic and arriving at completely off-the-wall conclusions (it's a way to spot someone who is bad at reasoning).
 
#14 ·
'Shy' is a human construct, 1 study found not labelling someone as shy and letting the chat giver tell someone they were feeling 'panicky' because of something like noise or heat actually helped, with no noticeable difference between 'shy' and talkative people...conversely 'the shy group' told they were such played their part and became more vacant in communication.

Reserved or conservative in conversation, is generally more accurate otherwise perceived stigmas can add to the persona and eventually influence the persons attitudes or confidences, to the point where they cease wanting to prove otherwise (oddly a group will refer to the silent team member more assuming they 'must know more' or fearing judgement from 'withheld insights').
 
#16 ·
Ughh I hate shy/quiet comments in every context, because there is always negativity attached to it. I also hate the assumption that quiet = shy. I'm not shy, but I don't talk just to hear myself talk. I talk when I have something to say.

The most annoying question in the world: "Why are you so quiet???"

BECAUSE I WANT TO BE MOTHER EFFER.

/rant.
 
#20 ·
I also hate the assumption that quiet = shy. I'm not shy, but I don't talk just to hear myself talk. I talk when I have something to say.
Yup, but I'm the opposite. I'm shy, but generally not quiet. Like, I talk a lot when I'm comfortable, and sometimes just to hear myself talk. :p But I get nervous around people I don't know well. Not around people I don't know at all, just around people I don't know well. For some reason, it's a lot easier for me to talk to complete strangers than it is to talk to acquaintances. *shrug* It's weird. I can go up to a complete stranger and strike up a conversation, but if it's an acquaintance, I can't force two words out.
 
#17 ·
On a sidenote, are most of you people non-auditory when it comes to yoru learning style? Even though I'm actually quite the quiet person being extremely introverted, I'm auditory so I learn the best through communication which may seem contradictory if you understand how introverted I am.

But I have no problem speaking in class and talking to my teachers. In fact it's a requirement for me to understand the subject well, even if what they say is actually not of inherent value. I just process information so much better when it's communicated directly as opposed to text or images.
 
#19 ·
i'm normally regarded as the smart kid.... though i suppose i'm not really shy, just introverted.
 
#28 ·
I've actually found the opposite to be true. The shy introverts are often perceived as reserved, but secretly quite intelligent. It's a generalization to say that this is always true (it isn't) but those are the kids who I always saw receiving top grades in the class. The loud, outgoing kids were generally perceived as stupid.

Not saying I agree. Those are just the perspectives that I've witnessed.
 
#31 ·
Being shy isn't the same as being quiet, and it has nothing to do with introversion. I think a lot of quiet introverts are seen as smart, but only if they're not also shy. Like, they're the people who rarely speak, but when they do, they speak clearly and confidently. There's a difference between someone who's too nervous to speak, and someone who just doesn't feel the need to.
 
#33 ·
Down here it's kind of seen as loud and obnoxious though it varies, some people really appreciate my quiet nature while other people think I've got something to hide. I'm generally reserved more than being shy, some times I get strong anxiety attacks and I want to talk but my mind won't let me. Also I try to avoid aggressive people because I can become aggressive and I hate that side of me.

Also Raichu is the best Pokemon.
 
#39 ·
Your choice of title is rather clever. If it had been something on the grounds of "Shy people are not stupid" I'm pretty sure a lot of people would have just scrolled past. Why, I think I would have as well.

Anyway, I think this issue is primarily because society in general isn't concerned with every individual and their social awkwardness. They tend to judge you by what you display, because what consequence is it to them if you have something more? It is you who is losing out by not bringing it forth, at any rate. This is their logic.

So assertive, confident and talkative people are seen as more intelligent because they vocalize their thoughts nearly immediately. I've seen it happen countless times, and it is very frustrating.

Quiet people may also be seen as intelligent because they put a lot of thought behind their statements, and when they do speak, they mostly do so if the fast talkers have not contributed something they had in mind already. And so their words are put on a pedestal of sorts - as though they are different from the mainstream.

Shy people have it worse though, because several shy people are ones who actually want to be one of those assertive ones, but can't muster up the courage or the drive (or whatever it is that cuts it for them) to step forward and do so.

It gets on my nerves when people say participation and active contribution are the only ways to demonstrate your knowledge and understanding. People who stand by that belief - that people are what they show - are extremely stupid, and damn, they anger me.

If society wants innovation, it's about time they start looking for it in a group of people they trample on, or they will snuff out all that lovely talent just because they never spent enough time trying to see things through a shy person's lenses.
 
#40 ·
Hell nah. It's the opposite with me. Everyone thinks I'm deep/wise/complex. When someone once asked what type of music I tend to listen to, I replied with; Dubstep. They were completely taken aback. Like they expected me to start debating the difference in arrangement of Classical composition between the 17th and 18th centuries.

I think this is mainly based on two things:
A) I have an emo fringe/wear glasses. This makes me an INFP... Apparently.
B) My writing style (Essays/Storytelling, bar Screenwriting) is extremely theoretical. But as I've become older, I've began to realize that, more and more, I'm starting to "play" INxP. Like everything I write in class is just a forced parody of how I used to write back when I was 10. It's surprising how I can simply wing exams by throwing in some scientific words and fusing them with a bit of theatrical prose; despite the actual content of my writing being utter bullshit. Finding out that I was an ISTP (Probably) was enlightening for me, because it then began to gradually dawn on me that fantasy writing was becoming more and more tedious. So I primarily switched to screenwriting, which allows me to create plots and characters without having to constantly rely on a thesaurus to think up pretty words.

Anyway, I think that INxPs are stereotyped as misunderstood, ingenious creatives, and ISxPs as simple, experience junkies (Although I admit to spreading this stereotype in my previous posts, but only as a joke.) too often. Similar sort of thing for INxJs and ISxJs as well, the Intuitives being thought of as naturally wise, whereas the Sensors having the majority of their intelligence "explained" by the fact that they study a lot, but due to a lack of natural intelligence, they'll never reach the level of an INxJ in smarts... I mean, really? Doubt it.
 
#46 ·
Here's why some self-typed INTJs think they're smarter than everyone else: they are good at algebra or trig or physics, and look down on everyone who doesn't do well in those subjects. Just like I used to be a lot more taken aback by people with low verbal intelligence, or I still get kind of mystified with people who don't realize what's going on "now" in the world.

Then you have your Fe doms who simply don't comprehend why you don't know how to behave yourself like "everyone else" does, what is wrong with you?

And of course you have some of those particularly self-conscious, insecure SFJs who will tell you that you must be deficient somehow (mentally or otherwise) if you don't dress in a particular style or listen to Lady Gaga.

My ESFJ ex used to crow about he had better taste than most in film (and I have to admit, I was able to skip my final exam in Intro to Film with a hard A, probably thanks to knowing my ex) and he looked down (I mean WAY DOWN) on people whose idea of fine entertainment was the latest Jean-Claude Van Damme film.

Have you ever lived with an STJ who wanted to beat the living fuck out of you because you wanted to eat in the living room, drink without a coaster, left your shoes in a public area, or skipped cleaning the bathroom for one whole day?

People tend to judge others based upon their own standards of what is intelligent, right, best and most sensible.

Of course, some people really are fucking retards. And I honestly do think that some truly stupid people have very poor communication skills and this may be where the confusion comes in.
 
#44 ·
I'm not sure that talking in class is a sign of introversion or extroversion.

I will say this: up until I was about 25 I thought that people who could not spell well or who could not articulate their thoughts clearly were less intelligent.

However, I believe sincerely there is a form of brain damage that some people who either had mild fetal alcohol syndrome or who did it to themselves with drugs and/or alcohol while their brains were still forming that causes people to be...well...kind of lacking in concise or articulate communication, whether that be written or spoken.

In fact sometimes I wonder if this is what people confuse with being a Sensor, people with low IQs or mild forms of self-induced (or fetal alcohol) brain damage.
 
#45 ·
P.S.

I've never thought someone was stupid because they were SHY. In fact, I was biased more toward shy, "nice" girls in high school having the best grades, or I would presume that they would.
 
#47 ·
Have you ever lived with an STJ who wanted to beat the living fuck out of you because you wanted to eat in the living room, drink without a coaster, left your shoes in a public area, or skipped cleaning the bathroom for one whole day?
I do (my dad). Definitely not a good thing for me as an inferior Se type - makes me get into screaming matches at times. I tend not to mesh well with those "ultimate realist" types in terms of daily living, studying for tests, talking about world-views, etc. (those people who think you're weird just because you did something that for some subjective reason rooted in their love of archaic views of "reality", they would be embarrassed to do - most often found among Si doms). The newfangled ones I can tolerate (gen. y) - the ones stuck in their ways from the 1960s or so can really offend my self autonomy *shudders*.
 
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