Talkative Introverts

Talkative Introverts

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This is a discussion on Talkative Introverts within the Myers Briggs Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; All right, so it's always been conventional MBTI wisdom that introversion doesn't mean someone is shy and quiet, and extraversion ...

  1. #1
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Talkative Introverts

    All right, so it's always been conventional MBTI wisdom that introversion doesn't mean someone is shy and quiet, and extraversion doesn't mean someone is talkative.


    However, I think that a lot of times this is the case. So I wanted to explore what makes the exception occur, and for this thread I want to focus on introverts.



    I particularly want to focus on introverts that are talkative in group settings. I say this because for me, I can be very talkative in the right setting, and usually it's one-on-one. However, once I get into a larger group setting, particularly with people I don't know, I tend to become very shy and quiet.



    So here's how it works for me. When I'm talking with someone one-on-one, as long as I find the person interesting and we can get a flow going, I can talk with them for hours on end. I can even get kind of excited and enthusiastic, sometimes to the point where I can't wait to speak. That's where I have some fantastic conversations.


    Now, there have been times when the same thing has happened with more than one person. However, it's almost always only a few more people...either we're in group of 3, 4 or maybe 5. I think when it gets to 6, however, it's very unlikely that I will naturally be very talkative.

    It's also extremely important for me to be comfortable with people. Even in a group of 4, if I'm not comfortable and familiar with the other three people, I'll be very quiet.


    For me, the reasoning works like this; I really can only focus on one person at a time when we're talking about a topic. I choose my words carefully, and they're almost always aimed at one person. I do this because I don't want to bore people or say something awkward; the more people there are, the greater a chance at least one of them won't like what I have to say.

    So for me, my Si and Fe both play into why I'm so shy and quiet in groups.


    This happened recently, and I noticed that in a group of about 10 people, most of the people in the group were talking a lot and joking around with no apparent apprehension. I wasn't dead silent, but I usually would only chime in every now and then with one quick little line. I wasn't telling long stories or making quick jokes like most people.

    (A big part of it also probably had to deal with the fact that I was the only one in the group that hadn't been drinking, but I don't think that was the sole reason.)




    So I was curious about whether or not these people being so talkative were introverts or extraverts. If any are introverts, I was curious to hear what made them more talkative when I'm not.




    So if you're an introvert who has no problem being talkative in group settings, I'd like to hear kind of what goes through your mind and why you feel you are the way you are.
    Aelthwyn, Lacryma, ElectricSparkle and 10 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I can relate to a majority of what you said, especially about having a strength in one-on-one conversation but feeling a little lost in a large, impersonal setting like a party.

    I can talk to someone I've just met for a long time, but only if it's required. I don't really seek out conversation while I'm in a group setting, but if someone seems to take a liking to me or I to them I don't have a problem with it. Given the choice, I would avoid these types of situations altogether if I could.

    I find it very draining, because it seems that I distinctly try to be someone other than myself. The usual me is quiet and boring, and I try to counteract those tendencies as much as possible in order not to be seen as odd or standoffish. You would be surprised at how many people misinterpret quiet shyness as being aloof.

    To answer your question more simply, I do well in group settings because it would be terribly inconvenient not to. I've always viewed talking with people as a skill that you can learn, no different from anything else. I have a mediocre grasp of it and I use it as best as I can.
    teddy564339 and likeacat thanked this post.

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    I can definitely relate. I can be pretty chatty when I'm comfortable, but I'm also the person reading in the corner at a party.
    Aelthwyn and Windblownhair thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    i can relate as well..when i speak to ppl in a group that i've had one on one before.. it's amazing but if i'm in a group where i don't know anyone.. i need a drink.. normally the more the better.. but besides that .. im just quiet and I like to observe

  5. #5
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    With my family, friends at work, or My sunday school class, I can talk a blue streak-when I feel like it. On the other hand, in huge groups or with strangers, I am, as my Mom says; "Quiet as a little church mouse"
    KindOfBlue06 and xTheCaramelQueenx thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by Svensenberg View Post
    I find it very draining, because it seems that I distinctly try to be someone other than myself. The usual me is quiet and boring, and I try to counteract those tendencies as much as possible in order not to be seen as odd or standoffish. You would be surprised at how many people misinterpret quiet shyness as being aloof.

    For me, a lot of times this isn't as much of an issue, I think because I naturally smile a lot when other people are talking or telling stories.

    The thing is...this works so much better in one-on-one conversations too, because I know that the person is telling their joke or story to me specifically. If I don't feel like talking much, I can just show interest in what they're saying and ask questions and listen.


    The problem is when it's a big group of people all talking at once. It's not a big deal if it's a meal at a table or something...because then everyone is just talking to those right beside them anyway. It's moreso when people are just all kind of hanging out and talking all together, and there's no sort of rhyme or reason to it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Svensenberg
    To answer your question more simply, I do well in group settings because it would be terribly inconvenient not to. I've always viewed talking with people as a skill that you can learn, no different from anything else. I have a mediocre grasp of it and I use it as best as I can.
    I guess a lot of it depends on who's in the group as well. I think the problem in the situation I described earlier was that I couldn't really relate to the topics being discussed.


    But I also think that I'm kind of over-worrying about the situation. I don't think in this particular situation anyone cared that I wasn't talking...they probably didn't notice me, or maybe even just appreciated that I was there listening and laughing. I think I just get overly self-conscious sometimes and feel like they'll think I'm awkward for not talking. But I think this is something that's much more in my head than is present in actuality.


    I've noticed that I have a huge natural tendency to do this....to be so self-aware and self-conscious about things that no one else notices. I don't know if it's my Si or not, but I think I just think people are focusing on me when they're really not...they're just having a good time or focusing on what they're saying.


    So I think my issue is as much about what's going on inside of my own head as it is anything else. I think I probably do fine in group settings, but I feel like I don't because I expect too much of myself.
    Aelthwyn, Lacryma and Svensenberg thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I fly by moods, sometimes I'll talk just to see what the other person knows in reference to a question; fortunately for me as an INFJ, I have people smarts, and I know HOW to communicate to just about anyone, but there are some people that annoy, or bore me to tears, I just have a good intuitive feel for what people's likes and dislikes are, and can generalize, or elaborate on what I'm given from there. I mean, if the conversation is interesting, than I'm all for it, but if it's not I disengage and AUTOMATICALLY go into my thoughts I just get bored talking about stuff that is concrete, and doesn't require much thought/analysis.

    I also learned that however some people aren't intellectuals, and I can either deal with them as needed (like I do) or if I consider them being a friend I had learned to enhance my socializing skills by stepping down my conversation with some people at times; some people just can't handle talking about polynucleotides and their role genetic expression, or psychology...so I keep it broad and general to avoid the dazed looks of confusion I used to get when I talked about this stuff.

    In terms of being talkative, meh, I suppose I could be talkative, I'm friendly enough, and can talk to people and be cool with it, if I'm in the mood and am not stewing over something that's got me emotionally fixated, but sometimes I just rather keep to myself because I need quiet/peaceful down time if I'm to keep on socializing because if I don't get it, whoa...duck....the Jerk Comes out in me...like with people who talk at extended length and don't let up, and just like to hear themselves talk...they annoy me...the fact that the fill the air with absolute nonsensical drivel makes me gag at times; I like having my mind expanding, and moving with a purpose, but some people just sit, and piss the day away, well step aside, I'm trying to get a head in this world, and me sittin' and pissin' ain't gonna get it.
    teddy564339, Aelthwyn and Dementedbliss thanked this post.

  8. #8
    Unknown Personality

    Oh god, I just shut down completely in group situations. At best, I'm the one who throws out some random one-liner that makes everyone laugh. Other than that, I pretty much spend the whole time wishing I weren't there.

    One-on-one is completely different ... I never shut up. And I have to be careful not to interrupt.
    donkeybals, blueandviolet and likeacat thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Speaking sort of from the other end of this: yes, some of you just go on and on and on, especially on one-to-one. Almost kind of tires me out at times because I just can't focus on one thing for that long, including people and conversations.
    teddy564339, nevermore and Aelthwyn thanked this post.

  10. #10
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    I had 3 other co-workers who work with me before they resigned: INFJ, ENFJ, and INTP. Interestingly, it were the INFJ and INTP who talked so much during work hours, to the point where I find them annoying and disturbing my concentration. When they went home and there's only me and the ENFJ, we talk very little, and it was her who usually start the conversation first.
    KindOfBlue06, AngelOnHerFlight and Choice thanked this post.


 

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