This is a discussion on Too Much Info (Warning: ISTP harshness) within the ISTP Forum - The Mechanics forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Originally Posted by immortalhaldir Maybe they think we have it all together? Nah, mine know what I've been through, and ...
Some people handle their personal problems by sharing them. They're looking for someone to listen while they sort these things out openly, while Ti prefers to handle such things internally. It's not about the person wanting to get "fixed," it's about wanting to share and have the value of their feelings affirmed.
As @Aquc said, a lot of people offer platitudes like "it's not that bad," but these are not affirming statements, they're dismissive. People look for empathy. There's no reason to fake that if you don't really feel it, though. I don't see the benefit in having someone think you care when you don't.
I try to do the whole supportive thing, but I only ever want to do it when the person is truly having a hard time, which is noticeably different from when they're being whiny and most of the time people will whine for hours if you let them
I think part of what makes me like this forum, and the people here who have opened up, is that I feel like I have a cushion here. Because it's understood that I lead with Ti, I don't have so much fear that i'll be seen as cold or uncaring
I used to have this, but eventually I just shut down absolutely. Fe on-the-fritz.
Now I just rudely interrupt and bluntly tell them to quit being such a pussy.
Works wonders. Try it next time.
I don't think that's purely an ISTP thing. Sometimes, because I'm a good listener and have such an "approachable face" (seriously, what does that even mean? Do I have "INFP" stamped on my forehead?), people tend to lay out all of their problems on me. And yes, it does make me uncomfortable sometimes; however, as a few people previously said, some people just lay it all out there on the first person to show them the slightest bit of compassion. I know I'm like that sometimes myself, so I try and do my best to outwardly show empathy (I always feel it, but I always turn it inwards and let it overwhelm me. Curse of the INFP.)
I'm also one of those people who needs to talk things out so I can rationalize them, so perhaps an ISTP would be of excellent help in such situations. Get an INFP out of their heads etc.
But truth be told, the human race in general isn't all too comfortable with sharing emotions. The greatest lie told every day is in response to "How are you?"
Actually, if I may be so bold as to post twice in a row, one of the first things that made me realize Fella might be an ISTP is how we handled an acquaintance/classmate of his nonchalantly dropping the bomb that she had tried to kill herself the night before by crashing her motorcycle at 80 mph. This factoid was inserted into other inane conversation...so much so that even I sort of missed it, and Fella stopped her midsentence about whatever else she was talking about and got her to clarify what we thought we had just heard. She acted like it was no bd which disturbed me because I've been there. I never told people when I was suicidal, but it's time to worry when people show no emotion over killing themselves (and miraculously surviving.)
Was I uncomfortable? Uh, yeah. I was only on my second not-date date with Fella and had never met this woman before in my life. I was undoubtedly uncomfortable. But Fella gets up and is like yeah we gotta go, this is a little odd, but I gave him the Wtf-are-you-doing-we-cant-just-leave-after-she-just-said-that Look. And reassured him that it was okay. Tbh, I think he was a little embarrassed that this "friend" he had only just introduced me to would say such a thing.
We talked about it at length the next time he came over to my house, and I was struck by just how callous he came off. He basically said she had more than a few screws loose and that she was just really fucked up. He apparently doesn't have respect for her because she has lived a really privileged life, doesn't have anything to complain about, etc. And that is where the difference between us really came through. Because he only saw what was in front of him, what he knew. I saw what was likely behind closed doors, and my knowledge of depression tells me some people don't need a "reason" to be depressed; it genuinely can be chemically-induced. So I basically said this. I admitted I don't know her as well as he does obviously, but that he should consider being slightly more understanding, if not perhaps accepting.
He got quiet, but he sort of cocked his head and smiled, so whatever. I'm taking that as a "You're weird, but I like you and concede that you may perhaps have a point."
I don't understand how people can be dismissive of something like that. I may handle it as if it was an everyday thing, but that is quite serious. Maybe its because I've been there, but I would not be able to just drop it.