[Sunrain]

... What do you reckon, can a guy who's an ISTP have a functional relationship with a girl who's an ENFP? I find myself consistently drawn to ISTP guys, but I'm not sure whether I'm following a bad pattern here as 3 such relationships haven't worked out so far! I've sure learnt a lot though :D Just wondering whether anybody has experienced a functional relationship of these 2 different types?

[Lilsnowy]

I have a good friend who's an ISTP and I adore him, but we're not in love. He would drive me crazy and I already drive him crazy. :')

You alread know a relationship with an ISTP will be frustrating. He won't contact you as much as you like or affirm you as much as you need. He'll like to be alone and you'll like to be togther. He'll see sex as something to do now-- and he will be good at it too-- but won't necessarily feel lasting love as a result. You'll feel closer and more in love after sex and will want him forever; he'll be uncomfortable if there isn't an end in sight. You both like spontaneaity and adventure and playful debates. He'll want silence more often and you'll want more excitement. He'll be non verbal and you'll need words. He won't be into PDA and you will be all over him every chance you get. You'll want to talk; he'll want to txt. He will notice other women and feel it's bound to happen eventually. You will notice other men, but won't want anyone else but him. You'll feel possessive for the first time ever. He'll feel controlled.

I say Go For It. It will be facinating beyond belief for a short time. It'll be worth it to get your heart set on fire and then stomped on until there's nothing left to burn because you'll never meet anyone else like him on this earth.

[On the road to Damascus]

I have a good friend who's an ISTP and I adore him, but we're not in love. He would drive me crazy and I already drive him crazy. :')

You alread know a relationship with an ISTP will be frustrating. He won't contact you as much as you like or affirm you as much as you need. He'll like to be alone and you'll like to be togther. He'll see sex as something to do now-- and he will be good at it too-- but won't necessarily feel lasting love as a result. You'll feel closer and more in love after sex and will want him forever; he'll be uncomfortable if there isn't an end in sight. You both like spontaneaity and adventure and playful debates. He'll want silence more often and you'll want more excitement. He'll be non verbal and you'll need words. He won't be into PDA and you will be all over him every chance you get. You'll want to talk; he'll want to txt. He will notice other women and feel it's bound to happen eventually. You will notice other men, but won't want anyone else but him. You'll feel possessive for the first time ever. He'll feel controlled.

I say Go For It. It will be facinating beyond belief for a short time. It'll be worth it to get your heart set on fire and then stomped on until there's nothing left to burn because you'll never meet anyone else like him on this earth.

OMG - Lilsnowy...your poetic description above just described the 9 month relationship that I had with my ex-istj...he was indelibly fascinating to me...I could not figure him out...I obsess over that which I do not understand...I think it changed me a bit while I was around him...I toned myself down to match his reserve...this made me miserable because at the end of the day, you can't really supress yourself and you inevitably gravitate towards who you are...and I think I was too much for him...too late, too dreamy, too spontaneous, too emotional, too imaginative...full of a million crazy ideas that could never come true but I love to imagine them anyway...he wanted more peace and quiet...I tried dragging him out camping and canoeing (what is there wrong about getting a guy alone in a tent in the middle of the woods???)...he said he was allergic to mosquitoes (WTF - aren't we all allergic to mosquitos?)...I plotted about the perfect canoe-in campsight with a breezy peninsula where no bugs could get us...he had to complete a professionall summary for a certification (there was no specific deadline for this - it could have been done the following week-end but it was part of the great big plan in his head that would have been interrupted if we had gone away THAT week-end)...he seemed to be skeptical about everything that I suggested and poo-pooed most of it...his sense of duty looked like martyrdom to me...I tried to learn how to passenger other people on my motorcycle in the hopes that he might want to go riding with me.

I stopped trying...but I am still inevitable fascinated...he was the best cuddler in the world and he had a way of making me melt (damn him)...it seemed a perfect match on paper but out differences collided us out into different orbits...

Go for the ride...you will never forget it...if I had to do it again, I would! :)

[On the road to Damascus]

Oops...I just read the original post and noted that the combination in question was enfp-istp...maybe there would be more elements of compatibility in this combo because there will be more fluid planning and maybe a bit more sponteneity...there could be HOPE!!!

But I do feel better about blurting out the above post...(thanks)...think that I am having too much coffee at Personality Cafe :)

[DJArendee]

I saw some chart that said ISTP + ENFP was "duality" and the most desirable type of relationship. But every website says something different on who ISTP's should be with.

Oh and Damascus, I feel like ISTP is completely different from ISTJ.

As for my personal preference, I can see myself with an ENFP because I'm really goofy and strange myself... ISTP's are also supposedly good listeners and very patient... something I think an ENFP would probably want. I'm still learning about ENFP's though, I think they're hard to identify.

[Lilsnowy]

Hey On the Road, enjoyed reading your post! This is all just based on observations of mine. My ISTP friend is surprisingly silly and has a great sense of humor and is very outdoorsy. He can be outgoing when needed, but I think of him as like... a quiet place. The sensing/thinking dynamics are probably why you see so many similarities.

I can see potential problems between ISTP and ENFP. Opposites can be facinating but also difficult. The level of maturity, and what you need at different times of life are factors in how happy you'll be. In friendship or love, striving to accept the person where they are is so important. But ENFPs are not reserved by nature; quiet is like a relaxing pit- stop for us. And from what I've seen, social interaction is like a fun break from the norm for the ISTP. ENFPs need a lot of communication and affirmation and I think it's hard for ISTPs to meet us where we're at in that area.

I love the concept of duality. An as far as ISTJ and ENFP goes...That's a true tough one! I've posted all about that on other threads. :')

[Sunrain]

Hey, thanks for your brilliant replies ! I have a friend who's an ISTJ and I've never met anyone so confusing to me in my life, it took me 12 years of knowing him to finally feel like I actually know him.

Regarding what a relationship would be like with an ISTP, I think that, Lilsnowy, you've hit the nail on the head: "It'll be worth it to get your heart set on fire and then stomped on until there's nothing left to burn because you'll never meet anyone else like him on this earth." That is EXACTLY what has happened to me. Twice now I've fallen in love with an ISTP, and I've also gone out with people of various other personality types, and the people who are too similar to me I get bored by, because I'm getting exactly what I need and it's just too easy.. and we ENFPs are easily bored. And people who are too different to me in other ways aren't usually that interesting to me.. But these two guys, well, it was just a combination of frustration, and yet at the same time more real than any other relationship I've been in. However one is in the past so that doesn't matter anymore, but the other.. well.. he was definitely into me, but he lives quite a way away, and just as you wrote, if I go after him "I'll feel possesive for the first time ever, and he'll feel controlled". Not to mention the fact that guys don't tend to like being chased. Sigh :) Except that, being an ENFP and 'unable to give up on relationships without feeling like they failed because of me', I just want him! Unfortunate eh :)

[Lilsnowy]

Hi Sunrain. ISTPs more than anyone, I think, need to come to you when they're ready. And we ENFPs always reach out, connect, give gifts...we're always connecting and that can seem obsessive to an ISTP. My friend is very non verbal and it can be challenging for one who is so talkative. Be yourself and see what happens. I usually discourage sexual involvement without a commitment because true love is so important to us ENFPs. That can be a real issue, so consider it carefully first.

I'm a big one for loving even if it ends of up hurting me. I like to experience feelings to the extreme. Love often includes pain, but that shouldn't stop us from loving, unless we really need to protect ourselves.

On the Road, I love blurting things out in posts too! :')

[Sunrain]

True :)

I guess I find it difficult to balance 'letting him come to me when he's ready" and "being myself", which involves reaching out, being communicative, acting the way I act with most people. I guess I need to find a way of being myself whilst also understanding and accepting the way he is. Why is it that I want this frustrating relationship when it would be so much easier to find someone more similar to me? I guess because I'd just get bored of an easy relationship too quickly.. I know I would. I was going out with an INFJ and I just understood him way too much and became bored.

[breakfastsurreal]

I am with an ISTP and let me tell you this relationship takes serious work. I think you have an advantage by knowing his personality type at all though, because your understanding of him will help you a great deal. It's hard not to take rejection personally, but I deal with it on a weekly basis at least, when my husband chooses his hobbies over me or our daughter. I think if you feel like your ISTP likes you enough to really put in the effort at understanding you, then it could work.