ok so here's a typical ENFP/ISTP story. I'm sorry if this is too much drama, then you can just ignore it. I bolded the main point below, if you don't want to read it all.
I am curious to get some ISTP opinions -- specifically do ISTPs exist who have feelings? (please don't be insulted by that, you'll see the reason I'm asking that if you read on).
My ex was an ISTP and it was all fantastic and what not. From the first date I was just smitten w/ him, and we were together within a month. You know, diner breakfasts, traveling, going out dancing all night, and doing nothing, but yet it was super interesting and fun. He's the only guy I ever wanted to marry, and I dated a lot of guys. I really respected him.
Anyway, so I thought he was awesome and we went to Vegas and got married -- partly because he was really depressed w/ his visa issues, so I suggested we get married faster than planned, so he wouldn't feel stuck in a job he didn't like (that he had to keep for the visa). I think he was kinda hinting that we do this, but I know he did want to marry me for me also, so I don't really think he used me.
But then it turned out that he was a sociopath.
He'd always said he was "a robot," but I thought he was making fun of himself for not being super emotional. I also thought he seemed like the ISTP descriptions that say "cold, unemotional."
No, he really meant it. Robot. He later seemed surprised that I thought he was kidding. I noticed he didn't spend any time thinking (I think a lot), he never laid in bed worried, or felt guilt, ever, no matter what he did.
So he had no empathy. So if he hurt me (or others) it only annoyed him if I (or anyone) was upset. My aunt died and I started crying in the middle of the night (and asked him for a hug), and he yelled at me and put in ear plugs because he was trying to sleep. etc. That kind thing. Of course, there were a lot of good things too, and he'd do thoughtful things like randomly buy me cupcakes. He did have a lot of good qualities too like being very smart, having very good fashion sense, good at business things, etc.
Then he had a rage problem, where he'd explode (for no reason -- trust me, no reason). And I guess that's common w/ sociopaths. So he left me on a street w/ no way home when we were on vacation. I eventually found the hotel, and they had to let me into the room w/o a key, etc. He was so mad because 1) he'd told me not to speak to him, because I'd gone over my 10 minute limit, 2) When he said something and I didn't respond, he felt ignored, and said "well let's see how your night turns out then." So he ditched me on a crowded street, leaving me alone in a city I'd never been in before, and he went to a strip club and then lied about it.
Anyway, it's all water under the bridge now.
But I found out he'd been lying about a lot of things (little and big). Like, he was a smoker for the whole time we were together. He said he didn't smoke.
So then he got really emotionally abusive, and he was annoyed that I didn't want to take this crap. He wanted to flirt w/ other girls (right in front of me), and eventually he said he only wanted me to speak for 10 minutes per day, and he'd time me. he said he just wanted a human to exist at home, but he didn't want to interact w/ me.
I promise I wasn't trying to annoy him. I was trying really hard to give him his space, and not talk to him most of the time. But it got to be tough, since I am an ENFP and I have random things to say sometimes.
So I moved out. And being a sociopath, he didn't even care. He offered to help me find a place to move to. He didn't hate me, but sociopaths just can't experience love. He always said he loved me though (and that I was the only person who understood/cared about him, ever), but I can see now that he wasn't capable of love.
Then he said we were "friends" and he'd want to come over for dinner or something, and didn't understand that people getting a divorce don't hang. He still emails me articles, as though everything is cool. And he's stalling on signing the divorce papers for no reason.
gosh, sorry this is so long, but, the point...
I always thought he had this well of deep emotion and caring that just wasn't visible. I'd "see" it come out in some little action he did. But then I realized it was all a lie, and every action was in his own self-interest.
So now I'm getting divorced, which is good. And I'm pretty happy that I've grown from the experience.
But the question that lingers...are there any ISTPs who really are caring, but just not mushy?? Or are they all secret sociopaths who can't feel anything? It appears the same to me on the surface. I want to believe the first thing, but some of the posts here (but mostly my own experience w/ this guy) make me wonder if the second is true.