[Masked_Fragments]

4 months is basically normal for a lot of people. It may be natural for you to be careful in becoming affectionate. In my case as an ISTP, I guess it would take much longer (I'm not too much into finding a relationship atm). It's natural for him to need space, especially ISTPs, in order to think things through. While he may seek peace with you, he might also seek peace in solitude. No reason to be concerned over this. You should be pretty happy about what you have.

[m_dogg]

4 months is basically normal for a lot of people. It may be natural for you to be careful in becoming affectionate. In my case as an ISTP, I guess it would take much longer (I'm not too much into finding a relationship atm). It's natural for him to need space, especially ISTPs, in order to think things through. While he may seek peace with you, he might also seek peace in solitude. No reason to be concerned over this. You should be pretty happy about what you have.

I feel the same way. It was really more of me who needed time to become emotionally warm and close. He was somewhat put off that it took me even 2 months to become totally trusting. Grant it, I did not have the greatest experience prior, being the emotional rebound in another relationship before him. But he was very emotionally and physically ready, or even involved in the beginning- I wasn't. In fact, I haven't been so up until recently, about 4-5 months in, and now he seems to be somewhat distant. Or I could be analyzing it too much. Now that I write it looks analyzed a bit.

[BlueG]

I have 2 questions for you guys.

The first one is, I took things slow with my ISTP, we didn't begin to get physical all the way until 4 months in. Is this bad? I do not rush into physical things, I just can't, I'll get really overwhelmed and feel insecure. Would I be in the wrong for waiting 4 months?

Not at all. You shouldn't feel pressured to do anything because of their personality type.

The second thing is, I give him tons of space as I have my own life too, but I want to see him often. We see each other at least 3 or 4 times a week, spend the night, but never hang out for a full day. I don't ask him for every detail of his life, but he stays remarkably quiet about his week. Should I be suspicious with our time apart, or happy that I finally found a mate who cherishes the distance and the closeness?

I've just never been with someone who is so affectionate, and yet does not want to hang out every night. Is this healthy and I should relax, or should I be concerned?

Don't be concerned. That's how I'd act.

[Benja]

@BlueGiraffe is right on the money.

You should never feel forced to do something you're not comfortable with and we do need our space. Just because he's quiet about his week doesn't me he did nothing or was out robbing banks while you two were separated, I'm sure he has an interesting life of his own that he tries to lead on those days apart. Solitude excites us as much as much as a loving relationship and he's probably trying to maintain a healthy balance.

[UnSeenShapes]

I I don't ask him for every detail of his life, but he stays remarkably quiet about his week. Should I be suspicious with our time apart, or happy that I finally found a mate who cherishes the distance and the closeness?

I've just never been with someone who is so affectionate, and yet does not want to hang out every night. Is this healthy and I should relax, or should I be concerned?

Sounds like everything is going smoothly from my point of view.
Relax.

Personally it can irk me when people ask about my week or what I did today depending on the the way it is asked because it can sound nosey/invasive. I'd be glad to tell you about any fun experiences I had, but to recap my day is redundant and sometimes hard.
When I re-cap my day to someone aloud it sounds incredibly boring, but somehow I had fun the whole time.
I think it is the small things, the "you had to be there" kind of things that I really relish throughout the day.

[m_dogg]

Sounds like everything is going smoothly from my point of view.
Relax.

Personally it can irk me when people ask about my week or what I did today depending on the the way it is asked because it can sound nosey/invasive. I'd be glad to tell you about any fun experiences I had, but to recap my day is redundant and sometimes hard.
When I re-cap my day to someone aloud it sounds incredibly boring, but somehow I had fun the whole time.
I think it is the small things, the "you had to be there" kind of things that I really relish throughout the day.

That's good to know. I always thought that'd annoy me, asking about everything, so I try not to ask him. I guess I began to worry because people tell me its weird that we're early in and we don't see each other every single day. It never bothered me until then. And it's stupid, because I enjoy being weird, and who the fuck are they to say otherwise?

Anyhow, thanks you guys!

[briesas]

*Bump* new question.

What's up with this? (paraphrased, sort of badly):

"Me being with you is damaging to you, so therefore I am not going to be with you even though I love you"

-Is it common to ISTP's or to Type 6's? Or neither? (@MXZCCT subscribed to this, but he's not around to talk about it).
-I maintain it is a breakdown of logic in the harsh light of emotion. Some concrete examples: 1) I've ended up with some real scary jerks *instead* of him, in the process of 'moving on'. 2) It's very stressful and emotionally damaging to me to hear the above sentiment: I'd much rather have the chance to participate in that decision! (ENFP emotional "fact," deal with it).
-Are there any actions here that would mitigate this type of thinking in the ISTP/other?

[Duck_of_Death]

Hi. Type 6, here. We've conversed before. You probably remember me.

You're probably overwhelming him, perhaps not being clear in communication and it frustrates him.
Is he familiar with relationships or is this his first one?

'Cause if so, his emotions/hormones are probably going haywire.
From a personal perspective of a 6w5 ISTP, it is a pretty scary feeling not having "control".

[briesas]

I'm not sure we've ever actually conversed, no. And I did not know you were a type 6.

The "control" comment is a "Eureka" for me. Yes, that is clearly important to him, in obvious ways I wasn't quite connecting. Thank You!

As for poor communications - if I haven't figured out how to be clear enough (and from my p.o.v., I've have spelled it out), and he hasn't figured out how not to be overwhelmed in the years we've been going at it, we're clearly ... eating the retard sandwiches, is it? Although if you would like to give a concrete example or two of what good communication in this realm would look like to you, I'll take it under consideration.

He's much more experienced with romantic relationships, long and short, than am I - though we're both in our thirties and have some experience under our belts.

[Duck_of_Death]

I'm not sure we've ever actually conversed, no. And I did not know you were a type 6.

I don't know--probably. Took the test; what I got.

The "control" comment is a "Eureka" for me. Yes, that is clearly important to him, in obvious ways I wasn't quite connecting. Thank You!

Yep. His emotions are probably Boys-Gone-Wild. I recall you once stating that you had breathtaking knockers--and frankly this may factor into the equation, in my opinion.

Anyway, the poor, dumb, tasteless bastard is probably head-over-heels in love with you and can't take it. Just my theory. Just putting that out there. Happened to me once. Never recovered.

As for poor communications - if I haven't figured out how to be clear enough (and from my p.o.v., I've have spelled it out), and he hasn't figured out how not to be overwhelmed in the years we've been going at it, we're clearly ... eating the retard sandwiches, is it? Although if you would like to give a concrete example or two of what good communication in this realm would look like to you, I'll take it under consideration.

I don't know--you ENFPs can be kind of coy...it also doesn't help that we're also masters at reading people and he probably feels you are not being congruent in some way.

Is this a face-to-face relationship or that e-harmony shit? Important information must not be omitted here.

He's much more experienced with romantic relationships, long and short, than am I - though we're both in our thirties and have some experience under our belts.

Useless information. Discard.