[n2freedom]

Your emotions.... they just run you.
How anyone could sit and read the wall of texts and respond in kind when the answers are so simple is beyond me.

You just haven't found ALL the words for your emotions yet. That's all. LOL! Now, about that cell phone.....

[n2freedom]

There's a girl I'm interested in, and I found out today she's an ESTP. I would like to pursue a relationship with her, but I have doubts since I've never been in a successful retationship, or rather, a relationship in general. What am I to do to make sure it works?

From what I have read on the ESTP sub forum seems like ISTP and ESTP get along pretty great. Relationships don't come with guarantees...all you can do is get your feet wet and see how it goes. ;)

[MXZCCT]

From what I have read on the ESTP sub forum seems like ISTP and ESTP get along pretty great. Relationships don't come with guarantees...all you can do is get your feet wet and see how it goes. ;)

Feet wet?
Charles. Don't listen to her. Get your dick wet, bro.
Hah!

[MXZCCT]

You just haven't found ALL the words for your emotions yet. That's all. LOL! Now, about that cell phone.....

Mhmm. Takes quality pictures, you know....

[n2freedom]

Feet wet?
Charles. Don't listen to her. Get your dick wet, bro.
Hah!

LMAO! I see you are in a cut through the chase mood.

[n2freedom]

Mhmm. Takes quality pictures, you know....

It vibrates too... call me....

[MXZCCT]

It vibrates too... call me....

Unlimited minutes, boo.
I hope your not only interested in foreplay.

[n2freedom]

Unlimited minutes, boo.
I hope your not only interested in foreplay.

LMAO! I believe in taking everything to full completion.

[Life.Is.A.Game]

@n2freedom

You asked me where my abandonment issues came from. Well let's see.

I was born in Europe. At the age of 6, my mom left me, my sisters and my dad. We moved in with our grandparents.

I come from an extremely "religious/more like a cult/Pentecostalism" family, where they believed everything was wrong but they were doing it anyway. I was taught that stealing something from someone, or murder, is a sin, and it's the same thing, so pretty much i never really knew what was really "right" or "wrong"... except what felt good or bad to me.

My father, in europe beat me everyday almost, i was the middle child, rebel/black sheep so i got beat a lot. But i figured i deserved it. Now I ask my boyfriends to be violent with me. I guess it shows me they love me. Now i understand where it's coming from.


At the age of 12, my mom came to Europe, took me and my sisters away from my dad and grandparents, and brought us to America. My father said when we left it was like we ripped his heart in half. Most likely i've been feeling guilty about this forever, I just cried a whole bunch today, i never thought it affected me.

Got to America, my mom worked as a live-in caregiver, my step father stayed home and sexually abused me and my sisters (i didn't know about my sister until we finally talked about it). Including his OWN daughter and i think one of his sons as well. The first time my sister went to my mom and told her about it, my mom responded with "well, if you didn't wear those slutty clothes around the house it wouldn't have happened"... until she asked me if it happened to me also and i said "yes"... then i don't know what she did about it cuz she barely every talked to us. She decided to find a different guy and she moved to another state. Now we keep in touch when she needs something...

All my life I've been living thinking that nothing affects me. But I think either everything added up or I just grew up and realize something is NOT ok.... but I'm never happy. I never knew why, everyone around me tried to convince me it's not me, it's either the guy i'm with, or the fucking weather, or my job.... no one ever said HEY, you got issues!! Except my ex, but he had issues too so I didn't listen.

I realized I can't even sit with myself, by myself, or even with someone else, without there being some craziness going on. I sit on the computer all day trying to either give advice, take advice, or just... think think think about something, just so i can run away from how i'm feeling. I always told people "the past is the past, just leave it behind"... i thought it was THAT easy.. but it really does come back to haunt you that's for sure...

So anyway. Just wanted to share that, and if it wasn't for you guys who knows how much longer I would have lived like this thinking I have no feelings and preferring that...

[n2freedom]

@Life.Is.A.Game ... Damn! That is so fucked up!!! Reading your plight just pisses me the fuck off. I'm glad to hear you are having some breakthroughs. In the short term it is so much easier to ignore and stuff feelings but it's like taking Novocaine....you're still bleeding and suffering...you just took something to numb the pain.

You have had a hell of a lot to overcome. The thing I think is the most challenging to do is to retrace and figure out what packs we made with ourselves, what absolute truths did we sell to ourselves concerning traumatic events in our lives, what tapes do we run on automatic, what defenses have put in place, do we punish ourselves because of what happened to us on some level?

It's horrible when shit like this happen as children because we don't have any filters we take it all in. And, often times we just don't remember the conversations we had with ourselves as a result. I thank your for your honesty and transparency. I know it must be both challenging and painful to discuss these things. I'm just speechless.......