There is an INFP that's romantically interested in me. He says he loves me and he needs me, he will never ever love another and so on. I do like the person and I think his antics are quite amusing (which, I think, is the only way to not get irritated by them), but there are some things that do make my blood boil.
I do avoid confrontations as much as I can, specially with the feelers, possibly allowing people to think they can get away with things they shouldn't. So I try to first figure out by myself what the heck happened and take it up with the another person only after I know what I want to achieve. After all, I do not need emotional explosions, and the aftercare is always such a huge energy drain.
Things that irritate me to no end usually have to do with "assuming alikeness", that is, treating me as he'd like to be treated himself. Good example of this is "not wanting to leave me alone", as in insisting to keep chatting until the last minute, even when there's nothing to say. This regularly makes me lose sleep ("you need to sleep at X o'clock, right, we still have 30 minutes, I'll keep you company until then") and generally keeps me from recharging. I have to admit that a couple of times he has remembered the idea of "giving me space"; unfortunately both of these occasions have occurred when I've been all wound up trying to explain him something, and thus felt more like an elaborate escape plan than anything else.
Another thing I have difficulties with is the control aspect. I understand that he's feeling insecure and maybe jealous at times. I do have, however, trouble with the following:
- He sends me a couple of emails per day and is disheartened if I do not do the same / answer them promptly / appreciate the effort. This means that he doesn't only crave the daily attention fix, but also, by expecting prompt answers to emails, attempts to keep me alert and decide when that fix should be given to him.
- He more or less expects me to chat with him all my unscheduled time and he dislikes my multitasking as he feels it is disrespectful towards him. And, as a Procrastinator type, pretty much all of my time is unscheduled..
- If something of the above is missing, or if he notices I am giving time to someone else, he starts to feel "worthless" and needs care.
- When he gets upset he goes into "scolding" mode with lines like "How do you think I felt when you said that?" and "Do you really want to let me go to bed like this?" I mean, who died and made you my mother, anyway?
I can understand that an ISTP's devil-may-care attitude can be a lot for an INFP to bear. I am all for helping him over his insecurity, but I do NOT allow anyone even attempt to control me and dictate how I live my life. So my question is.. how can I train this INFP to cut this crap, or should I just minimize the damages and get out of the situation?