[DDalina]

Hello all!

I am new here:-) personalities and having some type of clue or hint as to how people may think is priceless and facinating! :-).



I have some troubles and I hope I can get knowledgeable feed back here. I am pretty sure the guy I am very interested in getting to know better is an ISTP. He is a mechanic, rides motorcycles, races, etc...

I like this guy and want to understand what he is about instead of accidentally making erroneous assumptions. I think he is worth the extra effort or maybe not lol that's why I am here.
I know he is attracted to me, we were dating but it failed. I felt a bit neglected but after 5 months we reconnected. I feel he has a very big heart. He is the single dad of an energetic teenager, has 5 dogs and a full time job-small business. He never seems to have time and I respect that but I believe if there is something worth your time, then you make a reasonable effort! I hope you guys can tell me what you think about this...
He and I have texted eachother maybe every 3-5 days. We have simple talk- seeing how we are doing and then it gets a bit flirtatious... I never feel he and I have deep meaningful conversations like I usually love to have with someone I respect and care about but he seems to care about me- don't know if just as a friend. About 4 weeks ago I was upfront and told him that I had feelings and was interested in getting to know each other better- he said he wasn't sure what he wanted.... Since then we have texted a little-he apparently hates talking on the phone so that usually never happens ( not happy about that) Then we have tried to see eachother but something always happens.... I spoke to him about that and asked if that was his way of just blowing me off-he said no blah blah that he likes hanging out with me etc... next day he texts me and we meet- the meeting was very nice we talked but we both knew the main reason for us meeting was for us to get physical-however, we talked for a while then we got physical and then cuddled a little lol apparently he doesn't usually do that because he considers it corny. After being together, talking and enjoying each other, its been close to 5 days and no text nothing :-( He said he was probably going to race and be gone for 5 days but really? no time to send a little text or connect with me after being intimate? I am not sure if this is just a personality thing, a busy thing and or a sign that maybe I don't mean that much to him .... What do you guys think?
I want to calmly think things through before I take any permanent action. In the meantime I am doing my thing etc... but in the back of my mind I am thinking about him and what the hell his actions mean!
Thanks for reading this and sorry for the length :-)

[Erbse]

Paragraphs, please

[MXZCCT]

Hello all!

I am new here:-) personalities and having some type of clue or hint as to how people may think is priceless and facinating! :-).

I have some troubles and I hope I can get knowledgeable feed back here. I am pretty sure the guy I am very interested in getting to know better is an ISTP. He is a mechanic, rides motorcycles, races, etc...

I like this guy and want to understand what he is about instead of accidentally making erroneous assumptions. I think he is worth the extra effort or maybe not lol that's why I am here.
I know he is attracted to me, we were dating but it failed. I felt a bit neglected but after 5 months we reconnected. I feel he has a very big heart. He is the single dad of an energetic teenager, has 5 dogs and a full time job-small business. He never seems to have time and I respect that but I believe if there is something worth your time, then you make a reasonable effort! I hope you guys can tell me what you think about this...
He and I have texted eachother maybe every 3-5 days. We have simple talk- seeing how we are doing and then it gets a bit flirtatious... I never feel he and I have deep meaningful conversations like I usually love to have with someone I respect and care about but he seems to care about me- don't know if just as a friend. About 4 weeks ago I was upfront and told him that I had feelings and was interested in getting to know each other better- he said he wasn't sure what he wanted.... Since then we have texted a little-he apparently hates talking on the phone so that usually never happens ( not happy about that) Then we have tried to see eachother but something always happens.... I spoke to him about that and asked if that was his way of just blowing me off-he said no blah blah that he likes hanging out with me etc... next day he texts me and we meet- the meeting was very nice we talked but we both knew the main reason for us meeting was for us to get physical-however, we talked for a while then we got physical and then cuddled a little lol apparently he doesn't usually do that because he considers it corny. After being together, talking and enjoying each other, its been close to 5 days and no text nothing :-( He said he was probably going to race and be gone for 5 days but really? no time to send a little text or connect with me after being intimate? I am not sure if this is just a personality thing, a busy thing and or a sign that maybe I don't mean that much to him .... What do you guys think?
I want to calmly think things through before I take any permanent action. In the meantime I am doing my thing etc... but in the back of my mind I am thinking about him and what the hell his actions mean!
Thanks for reading this and sorry for the length :-)

Consider yourself lucky. My girlfriend experienced no communication with me for up to two weeks when we started hanging out. If he is ISTP, your going to have to work at it. It will be continuous and frustrating. But if it works out, the end result is awesome.

[DDalina]

Consider yourself lucky. My girlfriend experienced no communication with me for up to two weeks when we started hanging out. If he is ISTP, your going to have to work at it. It will be continuous and frustrating. But if it works out, the end result is awesome.

Thanks for your opinion... I know there is still a chance that maybe he isn't that interested in which case I can move on but I think he is pretty cool and wanted to take a second look ultimately I don't think a woman like me would be happy with someone that appears to be unable to make a little more time etc... but I can be too hasty sometimes so ill give it a little more time- maybe once we spend more time together we will be able to understand each other.
In your case, didn't you miss communicating with your girlfriend in those two weeks? I would think the logical conclusion would be to send a quick note at least if you miss someone and like them.... that is a bit hard to comprehend :-) I mean I get very busy too and into my work but I like touching base with those that matter to me. How do you build a friendship or relationship if you don't communicate? How do you as an istp do it?

[DDalina]

Paragraphs, please

HUH? paragraphs what?

[Seamaid]

Hey DDalina,

You say: "I would think the logical conclusion would be to send a quick note at least if you miss someone and like them...."

That would be my POV and yours of course, but it's not his. I think that for a lot of men, ISTPs included, their love interests get put into one "room", and stay in that room (which to us might come off as neglectful) until they decide to go in. Then once they go in, they're attentive and sweet like we want them to be. But once they leave, they're back to being completely focused on attending to business in their other rooms, which they don't necessarily care to share with us. :( They are out of sight, out of mind, whereas we want them to be involved in nearly every aspect of our lives and vice versa.

So if he hasn't contacted you in a prolonged amount of time, it's not necessarily intended to send you a message of "I'm not into you that way." More like "I'm not into you that way right now (cuz I'm working or whatever)."

How do we get them to understand that we want them to share more of their other sides with us, just enough to feel connected, without feeling like we're taking their independence/privacy/solitude away from them? I don't know...

[Erbse]

HUH? paragraphs what?

Most people will not bother reading through such unstructured wall of texts, ISTPs even less so than most others. It's nothing personal either but simply how things work on the Internet.

Just see @Seamaid's post, it contains paragraphs and quite pleasant on the eye.

[DDalina]

Hey DDalina,

You say: "I would think the logical conclusion would be to send a quick note at least if you miss someone and like them...."

That would be my POV and yours of course, but it's not his. I think that for a lot of men, ISTPs included, their love interests get put into one "room", and stay in that room (which to us might come off as neglectful) until they decide to go in. Then once they go in, they're attentive and sweet like we want them to be. But once they leave, they're back to being completely focused on attending to business in their other rooms, which they don't necessarily care to share with us. :( They are out of sight, out of mind, whereas we want them to be involved in nearly every aspect of our lives and vice versa.

So if he hasn't contacted you in a prolonged amount of time, it's not necessarily intended to send you a message of "I'm not into you that way." More like "I'm not into you that way right now (cuz I'm working or whatever)."

How do we get them to understand that we want them to share more of their other sides with us, just enough to feel connected, without feeling like we're taking their independence/privacy/solitude away from them? I don't know...

LOL very true my dear. Thank you for the reply! I have never encountered a situation like this :-) and I figuered that maybe he just has a different way of doing things. The funny thing is that once in a while he complains to me that I am too busy or that I don't text him-when he is the one that doesn't communicate on a regular basis. I love my space too and I respect people's space but when I am interested in someone, I usually keep in contact regularly. He says he feels comfortable with me and he has shared some personal things but yea I do feel a guard up or something... I guess I will have to decide if this will work for me or not- Once ISTPs get to know you better and develop a bond are they a little more communicative? I don't think I will be able to continue with him if he remains like this forever. How has your relationship evolved? ( if you don't mind me asking :-) )

[DDalina]

Most people will not bother reading through such unstructured wall of texts, ISTPs even less so than most others. It's nothing personal either but simply how things work on the Internet.

Just see @Seamaid's post, it contains paragraphs and quite pleasant on the eye.

LOL ok I guess I will go with the people that like "unstructured walls of texts" then :-)

[Cheebye]

Honestly I probably wouldnt mind being invited out every night, just dont expect me to agree. Dont expect me to initiate anything either because people always seem to be busy and I dont wanna impose. As for texting... I would rather not get involved in one of those lame back and forth convos.