[ClarifiedMind]

This is how I see things.

I could never really see the benefit of keeping an ex as a friend. Yes, they may be cool people. Yes, we have history but I hold onto the memories, not the relationship. Maybe it would be a bit different if I were single but I doubt it; I've always felt this way. How would my significant other feel if I still had an ex lingering around. I can say we're friends and all that jazz but is that really fair to my SO? Probably not...I don't think I would like it. I don't think the dynamic of a romantic relationship changes when you take away the sex. I can see it now...my ex from college comes over, I tell my husband we're going out to the movies and I'll see him later. Yeah right! He would lose his shit. If I'm going to have a friend, male or female, I need to be able to interact with them in the exact same way.



Friends on the other hand that's different. Like some others, I've had some pretty good friends over the years. They've reached out to me, but I haven't really be responsive. I need to get better at that. I can't tell if they are just being polite and are saying hi, or if they want to resume the friendship. I can never really tell...so I think that's the reason why I'm a little cool...I suck at making interpretations. But exes?? Phhht they come a dime a dozen trying to seek a "friendship". I think their full of shit mostly! I think that's my cynicism kicking in.

[Erbse]

If your SO is a carebear that's hardly your fault but his own and inevitably boils down to a trust issue. I do not have much problem with meeting a girls' ex, or hear of her past relationship experiences. What's history is history, and history for all I know has not been threatening to me yet in any shape or form.

Of course there will be people that will go batshit insane if such a situation was to arise, but I'd have no use for those at all.

Also, do not forget that your ex's will eventually get new girlfriends as well - if things are going great between the two there's absolutely nothing that speaks against some sort of 'pair friendship' so to speak, assuming everyone has their self esteem and confidence in check.

EDIT: Keep in mind that I'd only ever consider keeping a friendship if the intellectual frequency was a match, if it was not I'd have no reason to at all to try to keep things going, such as 'friends with benefits' doesn't exist in my world.

[ClarifiedMind]

If your SO is a carebear that's hardly your fault but his own and inevitably boils down to a trust issue. I do not have much problem with meeting a girls' ex, or hear of her past relationship experiences. What's history is history, and history for all I know has not been threatening to me yet in any shape or form.

Of course there will be people that will go batshit insane if such a situation was to arise, but I'd have no use for those at all.

Also, do not forget that your ex's will eventually get new girlfriends as well - if things are going great between the two there's absolutely nothing that speaks against some sort of 'pair friendship' so to speak, assuming everyone has their self esteem and confidence in check.

EDIT: Keep in mind that I'd only ever consider keeping a friendship if the intellectual frequency was a match, if it was not I'd have no reason to at all to try to keep things going, such as 'friends with benefits' doesn't exist in my world.

My self esteem and confidence level is in excellent shape but there is no way in hell I'm going to be hanging out with my husband's ex girlfriend and her new beau! Something about that doesn't sit well with me. Every time I've seen this situation play out it never comes out well. A friend of mine had an ex for a friend, they did the whole "let's all be friends" bit. Hell, they even moved to Ft.Lauderdale together and shared an apartment (along with his girlfriend), until my friend and her "friend" slept together after one too many drinks. oops. I wouldn't even want to be in that position! I don't have a problem with making friends...if I want more I'll make some I don't want someone who I used to bump uglies with. Thanks but no thanks.

My husband has female friends. He sleeps over there from time to time, I hang out with them without him, they sleep over here...I have no problems with that at all. If said friends has seen my husband naked on more than one occasion and it was on purpose then we got a problem.

I'm going to ask him how would he feel if I had an ex for a friend....now I'm kinda curious.

[Erbse]

At the end of the day I may have too much of an ISTP'ish outlook on the whole thing. (or too T'ish for that matter)

I certainly wouldn't want to revive or turn an already over relationship into a friendship after I found a new SO. Likewise however, if a bond of friendship was established previous to a new relationship, I would find requests to terminate that friendship to be unreasonable and selfish, or demanding for that matter.

Guess the whole topic has too many variables to consider for me to give a clear answer.

[reletative]

I was close friends with an ex for about a year after we broke up(amicably and mutually), but after I met someone else I just didn't feel like investing the time in a friendship with my ex anymore. I have a hard time maintaining close relationships with more than one person at a time....i think mostly because I don't want to repeat myself. I want to say what's going on with me once and that's it...i don't want to go over it with multiple people.

[Kadjunga]

only got one and only got back in touch with her just before new years. She appeared to have lingering feelings, so havent seen her in person since then.

I would however like to be friends with her because there are very few people in the world i know i can trust. It was her who broke it off but i dont want to get back together. Just that her insights into who i am and what to do occasionally are quite beneficial. Then again, its been 5+ years and all the hearth ache has passed for good.

[DJArendee]

I usually associate some sort of atmosphere with each person. So depending what atmosphere that person left behind, I may or may not want to be friends with them.

[Darner]

I'm still in touch with them, buti not "actively" - thus, I still have them on FB, I don't avoid them if I see them on the street, we just don't plan meetings anymore.

[Seralya]

I could never really see the benefit of keeping an ex as a friend. Yes, they may be cool people. Yes, we have history but I hold onto the memories, not the relationship. Maybe it would be a bit different if I were single but I doubt it; I've always felt this way. How would my significant other feel if I still had an ex lingering around. I can say we're friends and all that jazz but is that really fair to my SO? Probably not...I don't think I would like it.

I don't see why an ex couldn't be a friend. I don't see why my SO would have a say in it, either. I steer clear of people that want to dictate who I can spend time with and who I should not.

On the other hand, the exes themselves have more emotional baggage than I do, so I kind of let it depend on them. If someone wanted to keep in touch after breaking up or get back in touch I'd agree without blinking an eye. I tend to forget to call or write to people, so the people tend to vanish with natural erosion at some point anyway.