[Minesweeper Queen]

Hello Forum People/Lurkers/Helpers what have you may :) HELP!

I've known this ISTP male for just over a year now.
In the beginning of our platonic relationship, attraction was quite intense, as we were in a project where we had to spend quite a bit of time together.



Say about, 3 months later I confessed to him I had feelings for him face to face. Being an introvert, I gave him space to think about it.
He texted me a week later saying that he had feelings for me too - however, it didn't feel right to him because of wrong timing, and of my close relationship with his older over protective sister and because of his family drama involving his older sister and younger brother: (with the older protective sister attacking her former friend (aged 24) whom she found out was creeping around with her underage brother (aged 16).)

Needless to say, I accepted this as a rejection, from ISTP, disconnected from him almost completely, until this year, where we connected again quite recently,
things seem like old times, but I'm just sick and tired of trying to read whether he has feelings for me or not.

I either need to let him go i.e. ignore him forget him. (Hard because I'm so close with his elder sister)
or I need to confront him about his feelings (hard because i hate confrontation at the best of times, i'd imagine he wouldn't be too comfortable about it too?)

ISTPs? What would be the best route of action?

[Kadjunga]

Kinda hard to read with so many bulletin points...

So, let me get this straight. You went with a trip with him and his sister a year ago, you two connected and after a year, both of you are still interested in each other? Also, there was some drama that happened with the sisters ex-friend dating one of their brothers and that stopped both of you from trying anything?

You could try to see if something is still up and see if he is willing to give it a chance. You wont be cheating on him right, so the same drama wouldnt happen. His sis should understand it even tho shes so overprotective, she does know you well enough?

But theres too little information about whats really going on to give an accurate response really.

[madhatter]

IDK, my BFF Jill?

Sis should mind her own business...seriously.

[Minesweeper Queen]

Kinda hard to read with so many bulletin points...

Cheers - Point duly noted. Will remember so in future.

So, let me get this straight. You went with a trip with him and his sister a year ago, you two connected and after a year, both of you are still interested in each other? Also, there was some drama that happened with the sisters ex-friend dating one of their brothers and that stopped both of you from trying anything?

Yes yes and yes.

You could try to see if something is still up and see if he is willing to give it a chance. You wont be cheating on him right, so the same drama wouldnt happen. His sis should understand it even tho shes so overprotective, she does know you well enough?

But theres too little information about whats really going on to give an accurate response really.

I think, the underlying question of all that kuffufle that I spewed up there ↑, is whether or not this ISTP does indeed have feelings for me? He doesn't say it straight up - is he flirting?

When ISTP guys like a girl, how do you show them you like them? that feels like to broad a question.

IDK, my BFF Jill?

Sis should mind her own business...seriously.

lol. I wish it were that simple. they (their family) are such a tight knit community. they are always in each other's business, so naturally she can not mind her own business.

But i totally understand. Me and ISTP boy should be adult enough to make our own decisions.

Perhaps that is the point to be made here.

Thanks though!

[madhatter]

Yes, that is exactly the point I was trying to make. No matter how tight knit a family (speaking as a person also from a tight knit family), that shouldn't stop you from making your own decisions, just because one person would be "put out" by it. Personally, if it were me, I'd tell darling sister to go get bent.

I don't get it: why wouldn't you want your friend dating your brother? It's much better than brother dear bringing home a harpy that you can't stand.

[FearsomeCritter]

it sounds like he does. A lot of ISTPs, myself included have an issue telling where people stand with us. It's not easy to tell when we're on good terms at times, or if someone is interested etc. So we do this thing where we test the waters to figure out what on earth is going on.

Seriously though, if this is seriously weighing on your mind, it may just be time to get serious about it and bring it out into the open. Even if it all comes crashing down, at least you know right? at least there's no more guessing games. If things do get serious you may want to disclose some level of information to the sister just to keep things from becoming dramatic later.

Also, do remember. If you enter into a serious relationship with this ISTP, these people all become your family. Do realise that you will have to enter into that tight knit little community too... and people will suddenly have to know, "your business," 24/7. Keep that in mind.

[Kadjunga]

Feelings for someone? Its hard enough to understand if i have them or not myself sometimes. Took me about 1.5 years to figure out that i was just interested in someone on the psychological level as to figure out how she had turned out what she was like because we are like two drops of water. But she isnt an istp... i think. I used to think i have feelings for her, but not so sure anymore.

As for your situation... he did tell his friends and he still texts you a lot so those are signs enough that he is still interested so you might give it a shot again. We are quite oblivious to flirting and whatnot and if anyone wants an answer, the best way to ask is direct altho i wouldnt ask him direct now. Hang out with him, see if you connect even more.

Like madhatter said, the sis should mind her own business but since the both of you are friends, she should have no problem. If im interested in someone and she is into me. The rest can damn well go to hell as much as i care if they try to interfere. None of their business.

And still, way too little information to give an accurate response.

[ThoughtProcess]

My wife (INFP) and I hung out and talked on the phone for about six months, after being introduced by a mutual friend. I kinda started to feel something for her after a month or two but, it wasn't until months later that it really hit me like a ton of bricks. I think I said "like" about 50-60 times just trying to say the phrase "I like you"...we joked about it for years afterward and still do occasionally.

Her older brother and I are the same age and had several classes together in high school. I thought he was a douche and I still do to this day. It didn't change one damned thing about me wanting to date his sister, though. Fortunately, she thinks he's a douche, too, so it works out well.

Point being, if he likes you he'll let you know. Some of the surest ways he'll let you know is by doing little things for you and taking you out to do something he finds fun. He'll also smile at you and laugh at your jokes along with playfully teasing you like a boy on a playground. What he won't do is give you a candle light dinner, a moonlight serenade, and a heartfelt expression of his desire for you. If he actually verbalizes it, it'll likely be awkward and embarrassing for him...far from Casanova.

[Galldune]

Exactly what ThoughtProcess said period

[Seamaid]

Mine gives me candlelit dinners often enough (not sure if this is learned or innate behavior), but all the explicitly spelled out suggestions in the world will not get him to say "sweet talk" to me (in seriousness and without prompting).

What ThoughtProcess says about teasing the girl they like is very very true. In fact, teasing and playing tricks on me is the MAIN way mine seems to flirt with me. He really enjoys riling me up. Sometimes it works and I'm turned on, but most times, I end up feeling frustrated. Sweet talk costs nothing, and means EVERYTHING to most girls, if not all... why is it so hard for them to say some nice things about their women?