I know exactly what you mean. And even though I really don't know this guy very well at all (there's only so much you can get to know of someone after a week), I feel like I can read him like a book. Except that the cover and the insides say two completely different things. hahahahaha. So I find that a bit confusing. But somehow, it's like I just sort of instinctively knew that if I tried to talk to him or force communication, he'd just close up and not talk to me at all. Not that that's why I did it, but in the end, I thought it would be better for me, for my own sanity, to cut off contact with him, and since doing that, I feel like he's trying to keep tabs on me through our mutual friend (mutual friend now pays way too much attention to anything i say about my future travel plans and keeps tabs on which guys I'm hanging out with and when and takes note of whether i'm attracted to any of them, and then feels it necessary to mention that his friend is planning to come back to visit again so he can blatantly watch my reaction. wow. super embarrassing, to say the least. when it happened i really just wanted to die. now, in retrospect though, it all just seems ridiculously funny. ha.)That is what I dont get with my ISTJ....the further I pull away the more he comes out of his shell.
He is VERY reactive.
littleblackheart, i don't know too much about your situation with your ISTJ...just the little I've picked up from some other threads...and i don't know if you've ever come to this conclusion as well--but in this situation, it came to me yesterday that the only way he'd ever get out of this relationship is if she decided to end it. i don't think he'd ever decide to end it himself. and especially after what happened, i think his guilt and sense of obligation will keep him tied there almost indefinitely. as if he has to prove to himself that he is a good guy, a good boyfriend, loyal, devoted, etc. if anyone else has another opinion, definitely let me know...i mean, i don't know if that's typical ISTJ behaviour, but it's just what i see him doing. it's like whatever feelings he might have are just totally irrelevant to his decision-making process. is this pretty much ISTJ decision-making summed up? emotions play little or no part in it? are ISTJs typically driven by obligation and/or guilt and wanting to "fix" a situation once they've made a mistake?
i guess once you're with an ISTJ, this trait would be in some way highly desirable. but getting an ISTJ to actually admit to himself that he has feelings for you and that those feelings maybe actually matter seems like a Herculean feat akin to moving Mt. Everest over to Tahiti. how do ISTJs actually get into relationships in the first place? overall they seem pretty resistant to change driven by emotional triggers. do they just not think about it? until maybe years later? I mean I guess if he were single, I could see him just sort of spending a lot of time with some girl he liked and not really consciously thinking about it as him LIKING her, and just the amount of time spent would become a de facto relationship of sorts... I mean, do ISTJs ever consciously acknowledge to themselves that they really have feelings for someone AND that those feelings maybe matter enough to start making decisions based at least partly on them?
I know I must sound really NF saying this. But yeah. What can I do. I can't betray my nature. Feelings are all I got to go on. :P